


When Love Became An Act Of Defiance

by Natalie_Carson



Series: I Do Love Nothing In The World So Much As You [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Happy Ending, Matched AU, i consider myself a good person but i'm going to try to make people cry, like angst on crack, some fluff in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-03 09:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15815979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natalie_Carson/pseuds/Natalie_Carson
Summary: “People used to be given a choice on who they would marry. They would be allowed to go out into the world and marry anyone they want. Even if that person wasn’t right for them.” Mrs.Brown said to her class of sixth graders. “Infidelity and divorce rates spiked. So our government stepped in and solved the problem. At the age of 21 each of you will receive a ‘match’ which you are to marry. This match is designed to be your perfect partner in life.”Amy raised her hand before being called on by her teacher. “My father always says that when people are given the chance to choose, they chose wrong.”“That’s correct Amy.”





	1. Right Now I Feel Like It's All Over

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to update this once or twice a week :)

48 hours. That was how long until Amy found out who her future husband would be. The shapeless blob of a man was about to have a face. And Amy could not be more excited about it. She expected to be more nervous. The ceremony was a big deal, the man that they matched her with would change her life. Yet for some reason Amy wasn’t nervous at all. She felt oddly calm about the whole thing. The system worked for her parents and all of her brothers, why would it not work for her too?

Amy got dressed and hurried out her house. The streets of New York were bustling as always. Except this time any conversation she could hear in passing was about the ceremony. It was a big deal, every twenty one year old in the state of New York would be there two days from now. Each one ready to meet their future spouse.

She unlocked the door of her book store, A New Chapter, and went inside to make sure everything was ready for business today. She was in the back of the store checking to 

make sure the books were in alphabetical order. Her future husband was probably big into reading. She could see the two of them in here working together to make sure things were in order. He was probably kind and compassionate and wouldn’t mind when she was a later late being home. He was going to perfect, Amy could feel it in her bones.

A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. “We’re closed.” She shouted hoping the person would just walk away. There was a sign on the door for God’s sake. When the person knocked again, Amy reluctantly went up to the door. People in New York could be some dumb sometimes. However when she saw who was on the other side of the door, her anger instantly disappears. Jake was standing on the other side holding a bag of donuts and coffee. “Hey.” she said after unlocking the door and letting him inside. “Sorry I didn’t know it was you.”

Jake threw the donuts down on one of the tables before sitting down himself. She sat down next to him taking the coffee. “I figured.” He responded before putting another donut hole in his mouth. Amy tried to not to think about how she would have to clean up the powdered sugar when he leaves. “How are you.”

“Excited.” Amy said with a big smile on her face. “I mean can you believe that in two days we’re going to know who we’ll get married to.” Jake didn’t share the same smile she had. Instead he looked down at the donuts with great focus. “Jake?” She asked after a beat where he didn’t say anything. It was so unlike him to be quiet. 

“Yeah it’s real exciting.” He said plastering a smile onto his face. “Are you nervous?”

“No.” Amy said. “I trust them. They’ll pick someone I like. They always do. What about you?”

“I’m terrified.” Jake said. “I know that you trust them because it’s worked out for everyone in your family, but what if they pick someone that I hate?”

Amy was silent for a moment. Their algorithm was perfect. It was impossible to hate the person that was chosen for you. “I don’t think you can hate them.” She said tilting her head to the side still thinking about his words. “They pick someone that they’ll know you love. Dad said that most people love their match after the first date.”

Jake scoffed at that. “I don’t think that’s how it works Ames. They love them because they think they have to.”

“Well they do.” Amy said. 

“No they don’t!” Jake said. “That’s the thing. You chose to love someone, you don’t love someone because you’re told you have to. I think that we’ve all just been brainwashed into believing this load of shit.”

Amy was silent trying to come up with something to say. “You just don’t believe it because it didn’t work for your parents.” As soon as she said it she regretted it. The look of hurt that washed over his face made her want to reach across the table and wrap into a hug. “I’m sorry.” She started.

“Don’t be.” He said cutting her off. He got up from where he was sitting grabbing his donuts and coffee. “Maybe had the system worked, I would’ve had a dad. Funny how they don’t really care about the children who are abandoned by their parents.”

“I’m sorry.” Amy said again. “It was an insensitive thing to say. I didn’t mean it.”

“You wouldn’t have said it if you didn't mean it.” He said to her as he reached the door. “It’s ten o'clock, you’re about to open. I’ll see you at the presentation tonight.” And with that he disappeared out into the crowded streets of New York while Amy switched the closed sign to open.

\---------

Later that night Amy walked into the auditorium, the same auditorium that in thirty six hours she would meet her husband. There were people swarming everywhere trying to find a good seat. Finally she spotted Jake and Gina citing several rows up. She quickly made her way to them sitting down next to Jake. “I can’t believe they are making us set through this stupid thing. We already know all the rules.” Gina complained, Jake just rolled his eyes.

Soon officials were walking out and taking their seats on the stage. Amy’s dad was the last one to walk out. He took the main microphone and taped it several times before he began to speak. “Hello ladies and gentlemen.” He said. “Today I’m just going to take some time to explain the basic rules of being matched. These are rules that you guys have all already heard before, but now that we’re thirty six hours away from being matched, we’re going to go through them again.”

Applause erupted throughout the auditorium. “Isn’t it crazy that our future spouse is sitting in this very room right now?” Gina whispered. 

“So first things first. The person you are matched with is your match. There is no switching. But that isn’t going to be a problem as we have taken great time and consideration into choosing your match. That being said if you don’t like your match you do have an option to opt out but then you are never to get married, have a romantic relationship, or children. You will be sent to a place with all the other people who decided to not get married. So that’s something that you really want to think about.”

Amy saw Jake roll his eyes. She knew he would be fine, he was going to love his wife, and she was going to love him. Whoever was going to get matched with him tomorrow was going to be lucky. “Next rule is that you have to be married to your match within three years of tomorrow. If not then your match is invalid and therefore you can not get married. At all. So while yes it is okay to not get married straight away, you want to keep in mind that you don’t have forever.”

“Why would you not get married right away?” Gina asked. “I mean you’re going to have to marry that person anyways.”

“Maybe you’re trying to decide if it would be worth it to walk away.” Jake said back.

“Jake.” Amy whispered. “You can’t walk away. That would be crazy. They’ll banish you.”

“Still better than getting married and ending up dead.” Jake replied his glare shooting her daggers.

“The last rule is the biggest rule. Any sort of infraction will result in death. Now that sounds really scary when I say it, so let me define infraction for you. If you get married to your match and are then caught having any sort of physical relationship with someone else both parties will be punished. Hugging is okay, but kissing and having sex is not. Even if you don’t have a physical relationship with someone, but let’s say you fall in love with them, that can be counted as a infraction if we can prove intent.” The auditorium was dead silent as everyone listened to his father’s words. “But this rule shouldn’t be a problem because everyone will love their matches.”

“These rules are stupid. There shouldn’t be so many rules just to get married.” Jake whispered. Amy could hear the anger in his voice.

“Yes there should. People used to have affairs and get divorced all the time. When people are given a choice they chose wrong. That’s all there is to it. So now we don’t have to worry about choosing wrong.”

“But that should be my choice to make.” Jake hissed back at her. 

“I can’t do this with you right now.” Amy said returning her attention to her father standing on the stage before her. 

“Alright, so now I’m going to walk you guys through the process. Tomorrow you will all report here and get assigned seats. Then we will go through the alphabet and show you your match’s picture and name on the screen above me. Once we get through everyone you all will be free to go. The next day your date organizer will be in touch with you. We have tailored a date for each of you that is perfect for your personality. After the date you are the report to your organizer. After the first date you can do your own thing or continue to use the organizer. It’s that simple guys. I look forward to seeing all of you tomorrow!”

There was cheering in the auditorium once again. Amy and Gina once again politely clapped their hands, while Jake left his crossed over his chest. People in the auditorium quickly began filling out. Soon Jake, Gina and Amy were standing on the streets. “My match doesn't even know how lucky they are going to be tomorrow. Could you imagine getting matched to this?” She asked gesturing down at herself.

“As much as I would love to stay and have this conversation, I have a family dinner to attend.” Amy replied. “See you guys tomorrow.” She shouted as she headed towards her parents house. 

\----------

When she got there all of her brothers and their wives were already inside. Her nieces and nephew ran around the house like mad men. “Aunt Amy?” Christina her youngest niece asked tugging on Amy’s pant leg. “Are you excited to get matched tomorrow?””

“So excited.” Amy said picking her niece up off the ground. 

“I wish I was old enough to be matched all ready.” Amanda said. 

“You’ll be twenty one soon enough.” Amy said. “Only seven years.” Amanda just rolled her eyes before retreating back into the kitchen. Amy followed behind her and took a seat at the table where the rest of her family was already sitting. “Food looks great mom.” Amy said moving her napkin from her plate to her lap.

“Thank you hija.” Her mom responded. Soon the large family was piling food onto their plate and beginning to eat. 

“Are all of your friends excited?” Her dad asked after the small talk had died down.

“Uh yeah. Gina’s really excited. She said that her match is going to be lucky.”

“Not as lucky as yours.” Her mother interjected.

Amy rolled her eyes before continuing. “Jake isn’t as excited about it. I think that he’s worried.”

“What’s there to be worried about?” Her dad asked.

“Well he’s concerned that he won’t like his match. He doesn't think a computer can decide who he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.”

“So he wants to choose.” Elijah, her oldest brother, stated. The silence that fell over the table was deafening. Amy immediately regretted bringing it up. 

“No.” Amy said almost a little too defensively. “He’s just worried that he won’t like the person. But I told him that there was no way he wouldn’t.”

“Yes.” Her dad agreed. “Jake will like his match, just like every other person who has been matched. And if he doesn't he can chose to go with all the other people who don’t like their match.”

“Where is that?” Amy asked quickly before she had a chance to regret asking. Growing up she had always been told of this place but never where it was or what it was like.

“It doesn't matter. All that’s important about it is that it’s not a place you want to be. People who go there regret not just getting married.” Her father told her.

“It’s better to just get married and be unhappy then to go there.” Her mother added with a poignant look. “But none of that’s going to matter because each of you are going to love your match.”

“She’s right.” Elijah said. “I never would’ve meet Mackenzie if it wasn’t for the system.” He smiled at his wife who was sitting next to him and she returned the same smile. That’s what Amy wanted from her match. She wanted to be genuinely happy and in love. But he needed to feel the same way.

Later that night Amy was about to leave her parent’s house when she noticed her parent’s bedroom door cracked open. They were sitting on the bed talking in hushed tones. Amy put her ear as close to the crack as she could without being noticed. “He’s going to be trouble.” She heard her dad say.

“What are you going to do about?” Her mom asked. “You can’t send him there until he’s decided that he doesn't want to get married. And you can’t arrest him unless you can prove that he commits an infraction.”

“I don’t know. But he’s going to cause a problem, and I would rather deal with it now then later. If we wait the damage is going to be harder to clean up.”

“What damage?” Her mom asks. “People can chose not to get married, it’s not that big of a deal. If he commits an infraction he and everyone else knows what will happen. His match will get another match in a year. Everything works out fine.”

“Not when Amy is in the equation.” Hearing her name out of her dad’s mouth was enough to a jolt for her to remember that she was eavesdropping on a very private conversation. She quickly left the the house and began the walk home to her apartment. 

\---------

That night she doesn't sleep. Partly because she was so excited but also her father’s words kept spinning around in her mind. “The damage it would cause?” It didn’t make sense why he was so worried about Jake. Sure he was a flight risk but that was his choice. 

Amy put on her dress, a gorgeous red gown, that her mom had worn during her matching ceremony. Her mother had always described the day as the happiest day in her life and Amy hoped to be able to say the same one day. 

The convention center was buzzing with activity. Twenty one year olds that were excited to meet their match, and parents that were excited to meet their future son or daughter in laws. Amy looked around the crowd until she spotted Jake. He was standing near the back talking to his mom. When he saw Amy his eyes lit up.

“Hey!” He shouted at her his eyes flickering down her body until coming to rest on her face. “You look...gorgeous.” He swallowed hard at his words and she could see his adam's apple bob. Amy couldn’t help the heat that rose to her cheeks. Quickly she tucked her perfectly curled hair back behind her ears.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” She said beaming at him. “I’m surprised you’re not wearing your usual plaid flannel.”

“Mom made me put on a tie. Something about how first impressions matter.”

“They do.” Amy said. 

“Well I’m sure your match will be impressed.”

“As well yours.” Amy replied. “Should we go inside?” Jake nodded before following her into the auditorium. They were given assigned seats that were nowhere near each other. “Well I guess the next time we see each other we’ll know who we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with.”

“What if I already know?” Jake asked suddenly before Amy had a chance to turn away. “What if I already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with?” 

Amy crinkled her eyebrows together. She reached forward and grabbed his hands giving them a reassuring squeeze. “You’re going to love your match. I promise.” She smiled at him. “I have to go.” Amy said looking back at the rows of people sitting waiting. “There about to start.” She dropped his hands and couldn’t help but notice how empty and cold hers felt now. 

“Yeah I guess I should too. Try to find me after this?” He asked a glint of hope in his voice.

“Of course.” Amy said before making her way up to her seat. Once everyone was seated the lights began to dim and the date organizers made their way onto the stage. They began to work their way through the alphabet. As the letters began to closer and closer to S, Amy felt the knot in her stomach continue to tighten. She looked around the room of people who were beaming with happiness. She wasn’t sure who she was looking for until her eyes fell on him. His match was going to be lucky. More lucky than she would probably ever realize.

“I will be taking last names L-U.” The new date organizer said at the bottom of the stage. He was small man with a face that looked like it belonged to a mouse. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Charles Boyle. And I am very excited to be your date organizer.” He began going through the list. Most of the names didn’t stand out until she heard him call out “Gina Linetti.” Amy looked up at the screen waiting to see Gina’s match. The girl on the screen didn’t show any sort of emotions. “Your match is Rosa Diez.” She had long curly black hair that looks natural. Gina waved and the girl and the girl waved back but didn’t bother to smile.

Charles continued calling out names until he landed on Jake. “Jacob Peralta.” He called out. The screen above them showed the picture of a beautiful brunette girl. “Your match is Sophia Perez.” Sophia waved at the screen and Amy watched as Jake waved back before the screen was cut away to the next person. 

Amy swallowed hard hoping to get rid of the lump in her throat. There was a feeling that was making its home in her stomach although she wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Probably nerves, she was getting closer and closer to meeting her future husband. “Amy Santiago.” Charles called out. Amy forced herself to take a deep breath as she looked up at the screen. “Your match is Teddy Wells.” His picture showed up on the screen and Amy plastered a smile on her face. First impressions were important. She waved at the screen and watched as the man waved back. Once he disappeared off the screen she was finally able to take a breath of relief.


	2. I Could Get Arrested For What I'm Thinking Right Now

“Jacob Peralta.” He heard his name announced by the man standing in the front of the room. The one who was about to issue his death notice. “You’re match is Sophia Perez.” Jake watched the picture of a brunette woman appear on the screen. She was pretty, there wasn’t a question about it. But she wasn’t Amy. 

The girl waved to him and Jake put a smile on his face and waved back. This was what it was going to be there. There was nothing he could do about. Amy would never leave her match for him, not that it would matter as they were never allowed to be together. 

Gina looked happy with her match, and Jake was glad that at least someone was happy. Although he had no doubt that Amy would be happy with whoever her match was. She went into this thing with no expectations. Where as no girl was going to be good enough for him because they weren’t Amy. 

“Amy Santiago.” Charles announced from the stage. Jake looked across the room to where Amy was siting. He closed his eyes tightly envying whoever was about to appear on that stage. She looked drop dead gorgeous in red, and the image of that dress on his floor would forever be burned into his mind. Except it would never be real. Instead it would be a fragment of his imagination. “You’re match is Teddy Wells.” 

The man on the screen was a decent looking guy. He was dressed up for the occasion and the smile on his face was almost sickening. Although had Amy’s face shown up on his screen his smile would’ve been twenty times larger. 

At the end of the ceremony people started swarming everywhere. Jake tried to keep his eyes trained on Amy but he lost her somewhere in the crowd. Outside it wasn’t much easier to find her. “Jake.” He heard his mom shout.

“Hi.” He said to her as the two of them started walking away from the venue. He would have to call her tonight or something. 

“She looks like a lovely girl.” His mom said. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Mom. Baby steps.”

“Baby steps?” His mom questioned. “Jake that woman is going to be your wife. We’re way past baby steps.” Jake shuddered at the use of the word wife. His mom was right, in three years she would be his wife. He would wake up next to her every single day for the rest of his life. 

“I haven’t even met her mom. What if I don’t like her?” Jake asked they neared his house. 

“You’re going to like her. I liked you dad when I first met him.”

“Yeah and how did that work out?” Jake asked as he unlocked his door. It was an insensitive thing to say but he was tired of everyone telling him he would love this girl. Jake went inside his house and was followed by his mom.

“Just because the system didn’t work for your dad doesn't mean it won’t work for you. It didn’t work for your father and I because your father was too much of a player. He was never going to be able to be tied down to one person. I think he loved me, he just couldn’t do the cominment.” She sat down on one of Jake’s island barstools. “You’re not like him Jake. i think that you want to get married, to settle down, have a family, with one person. So don’t put too much emphasis on it not working for me and your father.”

“Why didn’t you get rematched?” Jake asked. It was a question that he had always wanted the answer to but was afraid to ask. There was an awkward silence and he could tell his mom was struggling with whether or not to tell him. “Please.” Jake said. 

Karen sighed. “I messed that up for myself. I knew that your father was having affair after affair. But I let it go, I didn’t report it to the officials like I should’ve.”

“But why?” Jake asked. “If you believe so much in the system why wouldn’t you?”

“Because I loved your father. And also there was you. I wanted to protect you, I didn’t want you growing up without a father.” She hesitated for a second. “But I guess we can’t all get what we want can we?”

“No. We can’t.” Jake agreed sitting down next to his mother. After dinner she left him alone in his empty house. He debated calling Amy but decided better than bothering her. She was probably over the moon with her match, and he really didn’t feel like hearing about it tonight. Instead he opted to go the bed and try to forget about everything.

\--------

He woke up in the morning to the sound of someone pounding on his door. He opened the door to the tiny man known as Charles Boyle. “Ah Jacob Peralta. Nice to meet you. May I come in?” Jake squinted at the bright light of the sun streaking in through the door. He moved out of the doorframe letting Charles in. 

Charles came into his house and immediately started sniffing the air like a dog. “Did you make steak last night?” He asked.

“Yes.” Jake said taking a seat at his dining room table across from Charles.

“I love steak.” Charles said pulling things out of his folder. “So does Sophia, it’s her favorite food. That’s why I’m here, to talk about Sophia. Although I could talk about steak for days. Do you remember where you got your meat at?”

“I don’t.” Jake said. 

“Oh well. So Sophia and you are to go on a date tonight.” Jake shut his eyes for a second and prayed that his lungs would be remember how to breath. “You two are going to go to the movies. We’ve arranged for a private showing of Die Hard. Sophia hasn’t seen the movie.”

“Wait.” Jake said. “She hasn’t seen die hard? This match isn’t going to work Charles.” Charles laughed although Jake could tell that he really didn’t mean it. 

“The movie starts at seven. And when it’s over you have to call me and tell me how it went. There’s an extensive survey so we can make sure that you two are perfect.”

“So if I don’t have a good time will you change my match?” Jake asked. “Like maybe do a switcharoo or something?”

“No. We don’t change your match, we just try to improve the dates for the future. You’re going to love her. The algorithms don’t lie.”

Jake tried his hardest not to roll his eyes. “So I just have to meet her at seven.”

“Yep.” Charles said handing Jake a piece of paper with the address on it. His phone number was written on the top. Charles walked back towards the door letting himself out of the house. “Have a good night.” He shouted before leaving the house. 

\--------

At seven o'clock Jake showed up at the movie theatre that Charles had told him to go to. “You must be Jake.” He heard the girl he presumed was Sophia. Looking her up and down, he couldn’t deny she was stunning.

“Yeah.” Jake said smiling slightly to be polite. “And you must be Sophia.” She nodded and smiled much wider than he did. “Should we go to the movie? Wouldn’t want to be late to a private showing.” Sophia laughed and the two them made their way down the hall until they found themselves in a completely empty theatre.

The two of them took seats in the middle of the theatre. Jake reclined his chair all the way back. If they were going to arrange a private showing of Die Hard just for him, who was he to turn it down?

About halfway through the movie Sophia lifted the armrest that separated the two of them. She moved over slightly and rested her head on his shoulder wrapping her arm around her torso. Jake wondered if she could feel the way his entire body tensed and hear how his heart rate doubled in speed. Jake closed his eyes for a second before he wrapped an arm back around Sophia. 

These were the rules of being matched. He was supposed to love her. That was all there was to it. It was black and white to them. When in truth all Jake saw was shades of grey. But that didn’t matter. He knew that Amy wouldn’t even think twice about doing something like this with her match, Teddy, the name had been echoing through Jake’s mind since he heard it. 

So he laid there watching his favorite movie with a beautiful girl in his arms, yet he still somehow wasn’t happy. Amy was somewhere out there with Teddy tonight. He wanted to be able to say that he wished she was as miserable as he was. Yet he couldn't. The idea of her being this unhappy made his heart break. Mainly because there was nothing he could do about it. Just like how there was nothing he could do about his given circumstance.

Soon the movie was over and the lights began to come back on. “That was a great movie.” Sophia said when she sat up from where she was laying. “I can’t believe that I’ve never seen that before.”

“Me neither.” He said with a smile.

“So I know that this is all they set up for us, but would you want to go out for dinner? I just kinda want to talk and really get to know you.” 

“Sure.” Jake said. He had nothing else to do tonight. Except for wallow in his own sadness, so why not go to dinner. The two of them walked to a little Italian restaurant a couple of blocks away that Sophia swore was the best on the planet. Something that he found hard to believe. How could New York have better Italian food than Italy. 

They got a table and sat down. Conversation was far easier than he would’ve thought. He could see why a computer thought they were a perfect match, on paper they were. “So do you believe in this whole matching system?” Sophia asked him when there food arrived.

Jake immediately froze. He had no idea how to respond to that. How did she feel? Was she the same as him or was she more like Amy. “Uh I don’t know.” he finally answered hoping that maybe she would give him her answer.

“I don’t know if I do either. On one hand I’m glad that I don’t have to chose. I feel like that would’ve been terribly stressful. But on the other having some choice probably would’ve been cool.” Jake nodded in agreement. “But if their system puts me here with you then I’m not complaining.” She finished picking up her glass and taking a drink.

After dinner Jake walked her home. When they reached her apartment she gave him a hug. “I can’t wait to see you again.” She said when she pulled away.

“Me too.” Jake said. “Have a good night.” He watched her walk up the stairs and into her building before he turned to walk home. It was a cool May night in New York as evidenced by the wind. He zipped his leather jacket up and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He wanted to call Amy, wanted to know how her date was going, what she thought of Teddy.

When he reached his house he pulled out his phone and his thumb hovered over her name before he typed Charles number into his phone. Charles picked up on the first ring. “Charles Boyle.” He said.

“Hey. it’s Jake Peralta. I was supposed to call after my first date.”

“Tell me everything!” Charles shouted a little to excitingly.

“I had a good time.” Jake said. It wasn’t an exact lie. He did have a good time with Sophia, he just didn’t want to marry her. “We went to dinner after the movie and had a nice conversation.” Jake spent the next twenty minutes answering every single one of Charles questions. Some of them too personal for comfort. Finally he was able to hang up the phone and go to sleep.

He laid in his bed for what felt like hours staring at the ceiling. Every thought in his mind was begging him to call Amy. She was probably home by now. Maybe she was thinking of him. Who was he kidding, she was thinking of Teddy, her future husband, her future match. Jake couldn’t help but to be a little jealous. Teddy was going to spend the rest of his life going to bed and waking up to her. Jake shut his eyes tightly and refused to open them again until the morning.

_“I can’t believe we’re married.” Amy said her head laying on his chest tucked underneath his chin. The morning light seeping through the cracks in their blinds hit her ring sending waves of light onto the ceiling. He had an arm wrapped tightly around her as if he was scared to let go. Terrified that he may lose her. His other hand found its home running through strands of her hair._

_“I know.” He whispered back planting a kiss to the crown of her head. “I feel like the luckiest person in the world.”_

_“No that’s me.” She countered. She put a hand on his chest resting right over his heart. “I still can’t believe that I get to be your wife. Out of all of those girls, I somehow got lucky enough to get you.”_

_“I feel the same way.” he said back rubbing circles down her back._

_“You remember how nervous you were the day of the matching ceremony?” Amy asked laughing. “You kept telling me that you would never love your match.”_

_“Well that’s because never in a million years did I think that my match would be you. You were the one I wanted. All along. There was never anyone else.”_

_“Aww Jake.” Amy said. “You’re going to make me cry.” She said as she moved herself out of his arms to lay on top of him and press a soft kiss against his lips._

Jake jolted awake to the sound of his alarm clock. He wanted to chuck the thing across the wall for waking him up. When he grabbed his phone he saw that Amy had tried to call him twice at some point last night. Along with the two phone calls there was a voicemail and a text message that read “We need to talk asap.”


	3. If I Had You To Myself, I'd Be Happy Where I Am

Amy showed up at the planetarium at exactly six. Just as Charles had told her to. She was wearing a nice dress, not as nice as the red one, but she nice enough to show that she cared. When she saw him walk in, she nearly jumped out of her skin with anticipation. “Teddy.” She called as he walked over to her. 

“Amy.” He replied. He wrapped his arms around her enveloping her into a hug. It was something that she didn’t expect to happen. She should feel content, she should feel happy. But the feeling in her stomach just wouldn’t leave her alone. It’s just nerves she tried to tell herself again. “Shall we?” Teddy asked.

Amy looped her arm through his a wide smile on her face. “We shall.” The two of them took their seats and waited until the lights were dimmed. Soon the ceiling above them was covered in constellations. It never cease to amaze her how many stars there were in the universe. When she looked at the New York, she couldn’t see any of them. 

There was something to be said about living out in the country. She imagined living out there in a big house. They would have a huge yard where there kids could run around all day long. At night every star in the universe was visible. Life would be absolutely perfect. The only flaw? Amy still didn’t see Teddy being the man she was with. Instead she still had the faceless blob of a husband. That was supposed to disappear when she met Teddy. Teddy was supposed to be her husband. So why can’t see picture her future with him?

After the planetarium showing was done, Amy and Teddy stayed and made their way through the museum. Teddy was just as fascinated with the information as she was. It was nice to be able to actually stop and read everything without being rushed. If Jake was here with her, they would’ve already been in the gift shop. He wouldn’t have read any of the information. Instead he would’ve looked at the pictures and moved along.

She wondered what his date was like tonight? Was it as perfectly planned as hers and did he like Sophia. The name brought a sad smile to her face. Sophia, the girl that was going to get to married Jake. Amy shook her head trying to get rid of those thoughts. It didn’t matter that she was going to get to marry him, because Amy was going to get married to Teddy. 

At the end of the night Amy was standing on the street next to Teddy. People walked around them in a hurry trying to get to their destination. “I had a great time.” Teddy said.

“I did too.” Amy replied back looking up at him with a smile. Teddy reached down and took both of her hands in his. He then leaned down and lightly pressed his lips against Amy’s. Amy closed her eyes and kissed him back. She was supposed to. This is the man she was supposed to kiss for the rest of her life. This was her last first kiss. And that realization hit her like a bullet. 

After a moment Teddy pulled back dropping her hands. They didn’t feel empty without his hand in them though. “I should probably get going.” He said.

“Yeah.” She agreed. 

“I can’t wait to see you again. Have a good night.” Teddy said before walking away leaving Amy standing on the crowded New York streets completely alone. She walked home and let herself into her apartment. 

She dialed Charles on her phone and he picked up on the first date. “Amy Santiago.” He said.

“Hi.” Amy said coming off way more timedly than she meant to. 

“Did you and Teddy have a good date?” Charles asked.

“We did.” Amy said. “I really like him.” She added although she felt like it was a partial lie. She would like him eventually there was no doubt about that. But there wasn’t this immediate spark that she had always told there would be. “The planetarium was amazing, so thank you for that.”

“Oh you’re welcome. It’s my job. I just love that I get to spend all day coming up with ways for people to fall in love with each other.” Amy could practically hear his smile through the phone. 

Amy was on the phone for another hour going through the extensive survey that Charles had prepared. When she was finally able to hang up, Jake was the first person she called. His phone went to voicemail each time. “Hey it’s me.” She said after the third call. “We should get together to talk, I feel like we haven’t talked in forever. I mean I guess it’s only been a day but still. So much has changed. I guess that you’re probably still with Sophia, so I should stop bothering you…” She trailed off for a second at the idea of Sophia maybe being at his house. It was eleven at night, surely he was not still out with her. “So goodnight I guess.” She said before she hung up her phone and went to sleep.

\------

The next morning, Amy, Jake and Gina were all sitting in a coffee shop. It was one that wasn’t too far from the bookstore so it was easy for Amy to meet them there. “So?” Gina asked. “How do you guys like your matches? Because Rosa is a freaking badass.”

Amy laughed. “Teddy’s great.” She said. “We share a lot of the same interest.”

“What did you do for your date?” Jake asks propping his elbows up on the table. “Was it perfect. Because I got to hand it to them, they did a good job planning mine.”

“We went to a planetarium and then the museum afterwards.” 

Jake laughed slightly “Of course you did.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Amy questioned. “I like to look at the stars.”

“Those aren’t even close to seeing the real thing.” Jake said. 

“Like your date was amazing?” Gina asked. It was one of those rare moments where Gina actually stood up to Jake for Amy. “I bet that you just stayed at home with a pizza and watched Die Hard. Did she already leave you?”

“No.” Jake said. “We did watch Die Hard though.”

Amy started laughing “And I’m the predictable one?” She asked.

“Shut up.” He said to her. He sounded angry but the big goofy smile gave it away. “I didn’t stay home though. We got a private showing and afterwards we went to an Italian restaurant.”

“Oh already going rogue? Jakey must like this girl.” Amy felt her heart drop slightly in her chest. Gina was right, going off the schedule of the date planner this early was a good sign.

“I mean I’m supposed to right?” Jake asked. “She’s the one that I have to marry.” His face fell a little at the words marry. 

“What about your date Gina?” Amy asked desperate to stop talking about Sophia. It didn’t matter that Jake had a great date with Sophia. None of that mattered because she had a great date with Teddy. This is the way thing were. 

“We went dancing. She used to do ballet dance. And you guys know that I am a professional dancer so it was beyond perfect. She drives a motorcycle.” 

“That’s great Gina!” Amy said. She wished that she was that thrilled about Teddy. She just needed time. Surely she was not the only one who wasn’t exactly head over heels for their match right now.

“Speaking of.” Gina said as she got up putting her jacket on and grabbing her purse. “She’s actually here right now. We’re going to go see a movie.” Amy watched as Gina hurried out of the building towards the girl with curly black hair. 

“So in all seriousness.” Amy said turning her attention back to Jake. “Do you like Sophia?”

“Does it matter?” Jake asked. “It’s not like I have a choice. You know? Everyone keeps telling me that I’m going to marry her. I just don’t think that’s really sunk in yet.”

“But do you like her?” Amy asked again.

“Yeah, she’ a great person. She’s kind and compassionate from what I can tell. But that doesn't mean that I want to marry her. Maybe I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t know. It feels wrong to marry her if I’m not fully invested. Maybe I should just drop out.”

“No.” Amy said a little too aggressively. “You can’t do that Jake. Please.” She looked at him and begged him to understand how badly she needed him to stay without having to say the words herself. “They’ll send you to wherever they send everyone else. My dad said it wasn’t a place you wanted to be.”

“Well I’m not sure if I want to be here either. Not if things continue in the direction that there headed.” Jake shook his head for a second and Amy could swore she saw the hint of tear glistening in his eyes. “Have you ever heard of that legend about Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner?” Jake asked her.

Amy shook her head no. “Supposedly the two of them were in love before the matching ceremony. But then they were matched to different people. People that they didn’t love like they did each other. Back then it wasn’t an option to not get married.” He continued. Amy watched the way his eyes flickered between her and the table. “They decided that they would rather be with someone they truly loved. So they snuck around for a little while, and were eventually caught. When they get caught they were sentenced to death.”

Jake stopped talking all together at the mention of the consequence of committing adultery. His eyes moved back down to the table and they never flickered back up to Amy’s. “They somehow managed to get away before either one was killed. No one knows for sure where they are now.”

“What do you think happened to them?” Amy asked

“I don’t know. A lot of people think that they probably ended up somewhere in the mountains up in Colorado maybe Wyoming, but nobody knows for sure. The point is that there are other options beside what they are telling us.”

“Those aren’t options Jake. That’s breaking the law. Do you know what the government would do if they found them?” Amy whispered the last part. 

“Well it’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me. It’s not like I have anyone to runaway with. But enough about me. What about you? Do you like Teddy.?” Amy could tell that he was trying to force a smile as he asked her. 

“I do.” Amy said. It wasn’t a lie. She liked Teddy. She just didn’t know if she liked liked Teddy. “I’m excited for the future that I’ll have with him.” Now she was lying. She was nervous. Terrified actually. What if the system didn’t work?

“You can tell me the truth.” Jake said. 

“I am. That’s how I feel.”

“No. That’s how you think you’re supposed to feel. I’m asking you to tell me how you feel. Not how they tell you that you should feel.”

Amy took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” she admitted. “I’m just not sure there’s a spark. I mean when he kissed me I didn’t really feel anything at all. Aren’t I supposed to feel something?” Amy took note of the way Jake’s entire body immediately tensed up when she mentioned that they kissed. 

“I don’t know.” Jake said. “I think the idea of love is dead.” Amy’s eyes flicked down to the table as to avoid seeing the sadness behind his eyes at the statement. “I should probably go, I’m promised my mom I would have dinner with her tonight.”

Jake standed up to leave “Sit down.” She said to him in the best angry tone she could manage. “You don’t get to just walk away from me right now. I’m trying to be excited about Teddy. I really am. But that’s really hard when you keep being a party pooper. You’re my best friend Jake. I need you to at least try to be supportive even if you don’t agree with the system. Stop putting all these thoughts into my head, because you are making me question the one thing I thought I knew.”

Jake started at her his mouth slightly agape. “I don’t. I’m sorry Amy. Really. I’m not trying to rain on your parade. It’s just-” 

“No I get it.” Amy said cutting him off “You want to be able to chose.” She whispered the word chose. “But you can’t Jake. This is the way it is. And if you don’t let it go you are going to end up dead. Whether it be literally or metaphorically. I can’t lose you.”

“I don't want to lose you either Ames.” He said. Two weeks ago he would’ve taken her hand from across the table, but now that might have appeared as something romantic. “This is just kind of hard for me. Probably because of my dad. But that’s on me, I shouldn’t be weighing you down with my burden. So I’m sorry.” 

Amy took a deep breath before checking her watch. “I should go, I’m actually having dinner with my parents as well.” Together the two of them got up and left the cafe each heading their separate ways.

\-------

“So do you like Teddy?” Her mother asks her as they sit down at the dinner table. 

“Yeah Teddy’s great.” Amy said. “We had a lot of fun at the planetarium. I’m really excited to spend the rest of my life with him.” It was what they wanted to hear, whether she wanted to say it or not. 

“That’s great.” Her dad said. “I knew you would love him. It’s practically impossible to not love your match on day one. The math doesn't lie.” Both of her parents laughed together while Amy wondered if they were in love with each other at first sight. Growing up this whole system always seemed like a fairytale but now she was starting to wonder. “We actually had someone drop out of the program about an hour ago. Such a sad thing to see people give up on love.”

“Who?” Amy asked her brain starting to move a thousand miles an hour. It was like an hour ago that she had left Jake at the cafe. Was that enough time for him to drop out.

“You know I can’t say hijia.” Her father told her. Amy could feel the sweat beginning to gather on the back of neck. She closed her eyes and prayed that Jake didn’t just drop out. Her parents began to talk about other mundane topics while she felt the room begin to spin.

She pulled her phone out from under the table and quickly texted Jake just a simple hey. If he had dropped out, he wasn't going to text back. Amy would have to guess that there wasn’t cell service whenever the government was sending these people.

After a few minutes her phone vibrated and she looked down to see that he had texted to hey back to her. It felt like a brick had been lifted off her chest. She smiled down at the phone completely unaware that her parents were staring at her. “I’m sorry are we boring you?” Her father asked her causing her to snap her head up.

“No. Sorry. I was just…” She trailed off unsure of how to finish that sentence.

“Victor leave her alone, she’s young and in love. Don’t you remember what that was like.”

“Were you texting Teddy?” Her father asked with a skeptical look on his face. 

Amy felt her cheeks beginning to burn. “Yes” She said. “He texted and I wanted to talk to him.”

Her father nodded. “Well that’s okay then.” He went back to his food before looking up at her. “Have you talked to any of your other friends about their match?”

“Gina loves hers.” Amy said. “She’s really happy. It’s like the happiest i’ve ever seen her.”

“And Jake?” Victor asked. 

Amy was silent for a second. “Yeah he like Sophia a lot. They went to dinner last night after their movie, so I say that it went pretty well. He kept talking about how pretty she was and how much she loved Die Hard. So I think he’s happy.” She cut herself off before she could say anything else. She was starting to ramble and rambling was a number one sign of lying. 

“Good.” Her father said and Amy had a hard time believing that he actually believed anything that she actually said. But he went back to eating and let the conversation drop.

\--------

Amy went home and laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Every thought that she had tried so hard to push down somehow found its way to the surface. Worries that she would never love Teddy quickly occupied her entire brain. So she got out of bed and made her way to the medicine cabinet until she found the pills the doctor had once prescribed her for the insomnia she had as a teenageer. 

The pills did exactly what they were meant to do as she was asleep the second her head hit the pillow. Unfortunately they did not stay that way, as she woke up at two thirty with sweat running down the back of her neck and covering her forehead. She reached for her phone and called him without a second of hesitation. 

He picked up on the first ring and Amy sighed a breath of relief just from hearing the sound of his voice. “Hey.” She whispered into her phone. 

“Hey.” He said although he sounded much more tired than she did. “What’s up?”

“Can you come over here?” She asked as the tears began to run down her cheeks. 

“Yeah of course.” He said sounding way more alert. “Are you okay?”

“I will be.” She answered. “I just…”

“It’s okay, I’m on my way now, I’ll be there in five minutes.” He hung up the phone and Amy sat there listening to static until she heard a knock on her door. Quickly she ran to open it and the second that she did she threw her arms around his neck burying her face into his chest. “Shh.” He whispered to her running his hands through her hair. “It’s okay.” He repeated over and over again until her sobs became far less violent. He stepped all the way into the apartment and closed the door behind him. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Amy shook her head no. “Will you stay?” She asked through tears. 

“Of course.” He said. He followed her into her bedroom. “Can I get a pillow and a blanket?”

“What?” Amy asked. “No Jake. You can just sleep in the bed with me, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Okay.” Jake said before crawling into the bed next to Amy. As soon as he was laid down Amy was curled into his side her head resting on his chest. She wrapped an arm tightly around him holding him as close to her as she could. Her tears still soaking through his plaid shirt.

“I had a nightmare. Don’t make fun of me.”

“I wasn't going to.” Jake said his arm wrapped around her comfortingly. “Not when you’re this upset about it. It couldn’t have been a normal nightmare.”

“Somebody tried to shoot me, but you jumped in front of the bullet and ended up dying. It seems stupid I know, but when I woke up all I could think about was what our last conversation was. What if you died and that was the last thing I said to you?”

“First of all I’m not going to die for a long times Ames. But second, I didn’t like the way things ended with us either. I feel like I’ve been a pretty shitty friend, so I’m going to try and be better. Because you’re right I don’t want to lose you. I think it would kill me.”

“Thank you for coming over here.” She whispered her voice muffled into his shirt.

“You’re welcome. Now try to get some sleep.” He said back. He looked down at her and watched the way her eyes started to flutter closed until they stayed closed for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your comments on the last two chapters. It really makes my day to read them :) Also I promise that there isn't too much longer until they are together.


	4. You're Stirring Up My Bad Desires

It had been five days since Amy fell asleep in his arms. And nothing has felt right ever since. He stood on the corner of the streets waiting for the signal to change. Sophia’s hand in his, his leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders to try and block out the cold wind. They probably looked like a perfect couple. And Sophia probably thought they were. Yet his mind was on someone else. 

They walked down the sidewalk and he actively tried to listen to her talking. He laughed at her jokes and nodded along to show that he really was listening. When they got to his apartment Sophia stopped. “I had a really great night with you tonight.” She said a wide smile on her face. 

“Me too.” Jake agreed. He wasn't sure if it was a lie or not. He had a good time with her, just probably not in the same way that she did. She was looking forward to marrying him and spending the rest of her life with him. While when he thought about the dreaded it. 

Sophia took both of his hands in hers and stood up on her tiptoes. She closed her eyes as their lips met and Jake instinctively kissed her back. He was supposed to right? Jake put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him out of the cold. “Do you want to go inside?” She asked once they split for air. Jake tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach at the implication of her question. 

He nodded before he could even think to do anything else. The two of them made their way into his apartment. “This is nice.” She said as she hung her purse and his jacket on one the hangers by the door. The ones that he had installed and yet somehow never used. 

“Thanks.” He said as he threw himself down on his couch feeling slightly awkward. His apartment had always been a safe place, a place where he could get away from all of this. But with her sitting down next to him on the couch it was the exact opposite. 

“I guess I never got a chance to ask, but where do you work?” 

“Oh I’m a detective.” Jake said. He watched the way she slightly rolled her eyes before looking away. “Where do you work?” He asked. 

She took a deep breath. “I’m a lawyer.”

“Oh! So that’s what that eye roll was for?” He questioned with a giant smirk on his face.

“Shut up!” She said slapping his leg lightly. She reclined back on the couch even further. “I should’ve know. It makes sense why you like Die Hard so much now.”

“It’s a great movie!” Jake said defending the best movie ever made. “I can’t believe that they matched me with a lawyer.”

“And I can’t believe that they matched me with a cop. Maybe their system isn’t as good as they think it is.”

“Maybe not.” Jake agreed for a completely different reason than she did. “You got any siblings?” He asked to fill the awkward silence that had overtaken them.

“Nope. I’m an only child. I was raised by my father. My mother made some...less fortunate decisions.”

Jake nodded. “As did my father.” He said she smiled at him and for once he felt like someone could actually relate to what it was like growing up without a parent. “I don’t have any sibling either. Pretty boring childhood.”

“Same here. I always hear all these crazy family stories, and feel left out. Like I would’ve killed someone for some sibling when I was younger.”

“Me too.” Jake said. “That’s why I refuse to have just one kid. I need my kid’s to be able to tell some of those crazy family stories.” 

“Thank goodness. I was worried that you would only want one kid. A lot of only children only want one or none at all. But me? I want a big family lots of little kids running around.” 

“Yeah. My mom says that I have a bunch of half siblings running around. You know the ones that are like adopted or whatever. But I’m not allowed to meet them.”

“I’ve got one sister somewhere.” Sophia said. “My mom had her before they killed her. But yeah not allowed to meet her.”

“Which is so dumb.” Jake said. “Why shouldn’t we be allowed to meet them. They are our siblings after all.” 

“I think it’s got more to do with how they came into this world.” Sophia said. “You know they weren’t exactly ideally born in the eyes of the government. So I think that maybe they are trying to protect those kids.”

“I don't know.” Jake said “Still seems pretty dumb to me. I just hope that wherever they’re happy. I like to think that maybe they have a lot of siblings or cousins that they can hang out with.” 

Sophia laughed. “Yeah that would be ideal.” They stayed up talking for another two hours before Sophia began yawning. Jake himself was pretty tired as well. 

“I’m probably going to go to bed here in a couple.” Jake said yawning and stretching his arms above his head. “It’s been a really long day.” 

“It has.” Sophia agreed. “Do you mind if I stay here though. It’s just that I don’t want to walk all the way home in the cold.” 

Jake took a deep breath before answering. “Yeah that’s fine.” he would want her to do the same for him. It was freezing outside after all. He stood up off the couch and headed into the bedroom Sophia close on his trail. 

He gathered a couple of items before heading into the bathroom to get changed. “So you can grab a pillow-” He stopped talking when he realized that Sophia was already tucked into his bed. 

“I hope this okay.” She said and to her credit she sounded incredibly nervous. “I mean we’re going to be sharing a bed for the rest of our lives so why not start tonight?”

“It’s okay.” Jake said hoping she couldn’t see through his lie. She was a lawyer after all. She didn’t say anything back as he climbed into his bed and turned off the lamp. 

“Your mattress kind of sucks.” She said. 

He laughed slightly. “It’s pretty old.” he admitted. She didn’t say anything back but he heard rustling on the other side of the bed before he felt her nose pressed into his side. She slung an arm over him moving her head to rest on his chest. Her hand hovered over his heart. It took him a moment before he remembered that he was supposed to respond to this. So he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. Although not nearly as close as he had held Amy a couple of nights ago.

The memories of that night came flooding back to him. The way that her tears had soaked through her shirt. It broke his heart to see her so upset. He had wished that there was some way that he could take all of her pain away. Sophia was nice, and maybe in a different world he could’ve loved her. Could’ve been content holding her right now. But in this life he knew what it was like to hold Amy the same way. In this world his heart belonged to someone else.

Sophia buried her head further into his chest. Her grip around him loosened considerably as she fell asleep. Unlike that night two nights ago Jake was able to fall asleep. He didn’t feel the need to spend all night staring down at her terrified that he would never get the chance to again. He was going to fall asleep with Sophia like this for the rest of his life. 

\--------

The next morning after Sophia left for work, he texted Amy and asked her to meet him at their normal coffee shop. She agrees to and within an hour he’s sitting at a table waiting for her. “Hey!” She beams as soon as she sees him.

“Hey.” He says back. He knows that by the time he’s done telling her what he’s going to she’s going to be far too less enthusiastic. In a different world maybe it would’ve been the opposite. But once again this is not a different world. 

“What’s up?” she asked sitting down across from him. 

“I just need to get some stuff of my chest.” Jake started. He had researched this whole speech on the walk over. Every word that he needed to say in order to stop bottling everything up. 

“Are you okay?” Amy asked a look of concern across her face. “You’re not dropping out right?”

Jake took a deep breath. “No. But I need to say some things in order to have my best shot at staying. I’m trying to a better friend, I really am. I’m trying so hard to be more supportive over you and Teddy, but I need you to know how I feel.” Amy nodded waiting for him to continue. “I like you. I have for a while now.”

“Yeah I like you too.” Amy said her smile still stretching from ear to ear.

“No I really like you. Like romantic stylez.” He whispered the last two words considering that this could get him in a lot of trouble. Jake watched the smile disappear off her face at the realization of his words. “I know that there’s nothing to be done about it. We can never be together and I get that. I just needed you to know how I feel.” 

Amy looked at him the shock on her face. “Jake I don’t...I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Nothing has to change between us. I needed you to know how I feel so that I can try to make things work with Sophia.” Amy pursed her lips at the mention of Sophia. “We have a lot in common and maybe things could work, but I need to let you go first. And I think step one is to put my feelings out there.”

“You know we can’t.” She trailed off. “I can’t…” She shook her head violently before looking him directly in the eyes. There was a sadness there that he had in now way expected to see. “I can’t be here with you right now.” She said. “I’m sorry.” Jake watched Amy get out of her seat grabbing her bag before hurrying out of the coffee shop. 

Just by saying the words out loud, Jake felt like a major brick had been lifted off his chest. He went home and for once felt okay when he saw that Charles had messaged him arranging a double date. Gina, Rosa, Sophia and him were all going to go have dinner together at a really fancy restaurant that Jake never would’ve been able to afford otherwise.

\-----

The four of them waited in the restaurant lobby. It was a small restaurant, Charles had claimed that it was the best food in all of New York. He said it was a ten on mouth feel whatever that is. 

With Sophia’s hand in his they walked to the table that had been set up for four. It was in the back of the restaurant and was dimly lit. Jake had to wonder if Charles had requested that table on purpose. “Should we order drinks?” Sophia asked.

“Of course. Who do you think we are? A bunch of prudes?” When the waiter came back over Gina ordered the table a bunch of shots. All of which were quickly downed by the people at the table. 

They ordered their food and just as the alcohol started to hit, Jake noticed Amy standing at the front of the restaurant. Teddy’s arm around her shoulder, his mother holding her hand. Jake quickly looked away focusing back on the group that was sitting in front of him. “So Rosa.” He started “Where do you work. Gina hasn’t really told us much about you.”

“I’m a psychologist. I study the brain’s of people who are wackos.” She said. “Like Gina. I’ve never seen someone with a brain quite like hers.”

“Awww.” Gina said. “Did you guys here that? I’m special.”

“Yeah I’ve known that for years.” Jake joked with her. 

“Oh Ammers look who it is.” Jake heard Teddy say. Jake watched as him and Amy sat down in the table next to them. “What a coincidence. We could make this like a triple date.”

Amy looked right at Jake before opening her mouth to object. “Teddy, we don’t have to. It looks like they are just fine without us.”

“What? Nonsense.” Teddy said as he pushed the two tables together forcing. Teddy sat down next to Jake while Amy was seated next to Gina. “How have you guys been?” he asked. 

There were several different answers from everyone in the group all at once. Jake wanted nothing more than to shrink down and disappear. This could not be happening. He had to be dreaming. “Have you guys gotten to do anything fun on your dates?” Sophia asked Teddy and Amy.

“We actually went to the American history museum yesterday. It wasn’t planned by Charles or anything we just thought it would be fun.” Amy said. “It’s such a cool place. I could spend days in there.”

“I really like that museum.” Sophia said. “I went there on a field trip one year for school and was so disappointed when they didn’t give us all day.”

“We also got to bottle Pilsners which was super cool.” Teddy said. Jake watched as Amy slightly rolled her eyes before catching herself. It was something that given any other circumstance he definitely would’ve teased her about. But now was neither the time nor the place. 

By the time the food came out to the table, the effect of the shots were evident on the four of them. Sophia was far more giggly than she was when sober. And when she giggled at some stupid joke he told he almost completely forgot that Amy was sitting diagonal from him. 

“I really like you.” Sophia said randomly. She pushed up out of her seat slightly and pressed a kiss to his check before moving down to his lips. He kissed her back as best as he could while staying seated. 

“I like you too.” He said when she parted for air. Jake could feel Amy’s glare as Sophia stayed hovered where she was.

“I’m going to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Amy said to Teddy before promptly getting up and walking away from the table.

“You guys are being gross.” Gina shouted at the two of them. “I will throw this water in your face.” Jake looked over and saw that she really was holding a glass of water. Sophia must’ve had the same thought because she sat back down in her seat. 

“You guys are cute.” Teddy said to the two of them. “Amy isn’t really a big fan of public displays of affection. She never wants to kiss in public.”

“Does she want to kiss at home?” Jake asked before he could stop himself. 

“Not really. We’re kind of taking things slow.” Teddy said right before Amy came back to the table. The group ate their dinner making small talk between their dates and the others at the table. When it was time to leave they all said goodnight before heading off their separate ways.

“Walk me home?” Sophia asked. Jake sighed a breath of relief knowing that she would not be staying at his apartment tonight. “I had fun tonight.” Sophia said when they reached her doorstep.

“I did too. Maybe next time we can do dinner just us though.” Sophia nodded in agreement standing on her tiptoes to press a small kiss on his lips. 

“I’ll text you later.” She said. “Night.”

“Night.” he said staying and watching to make sure that she made it into her apartment building. That night when he laid in bed he felt content for the first time in a long time. Amy knew how he felt and now maybe he would be able to move on. He had fun with Sophia tonight and if every night was like that then he could let Amy go. It was never going to happen. 

\------

The next morning Jake is walking past Amy’s bookstore when he notices that she’s inside going through the books alone. He knocks on the door and laughs to himself at the way she jumps slightly before realizing it was him. “You need help?” Jake asks when she unlocks the door. 

“Don’t you have to work?” She asked moving past the doorway to let him into the store. After he was inside, she locked the door back behind him. 

“No. I have the day off. Sophia’s at work though so I have nothing to do.” He followed Amy back between the shelves. He grabbed a stack of books off a cart and started putting them in alphabetical order.

“So you and Sophia?” Amy asked with hesitation in her voice. “You guys are getting pretty serious.”

“I don’t know if I would say serious.” It was strange to Jake the way they were talking right now as if he had never confessed his feelings to her that day at the coffee shop. Part of him wanted to be angry at her for not acknowledging the way he felt, but the other part knew it was probably for the best. “Just trying to make it work you know?”

“Yeah.” Amy said. “I do.” She went back to putting the books in order. “I like him.” Amy said after a moment of silence. “But.” She stopped mid sentence making Jake lookup from what he was doing.

“But what?” He questioned feeling his heart flutter in his chest. He tried not to overthink what she might have said. It was probably nothing. It didn’t matter, he had to be with Sophia.

When she looked at him there was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. In the matter of seconds she closed the distance between the two of them, there lips meeting chastity at first. Jake’s breath hitched in his throat as he realized what was happening.

He moved one hands to her waist and pulled her closer to him deepening the kiss. She moaned slightly into his mouth when his other hand made its way into her hair delicately pulling curls. 

Amy stood on her tiptoes putting her hands around his neck playing with the hairs there. Time seemed to stop and Jake swore this moment was going to last forever. But at last she pulled away resting her forehead on his. “I just had to know.” She whispered. 

Then the realization of what she had done hit her like a bullet. She immediately backed away from him hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Oh God oh God oh God oh God.” She repeated like a mantra. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize Ames. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“They could kill us.” She hissed. “We just cheated on our matches! This can’t happen again. What do we do?”

Jake felt his heart break into a million pieces. He looked down at the ground swallowing the giant lump that was becoming more and more prominent in the back of his throat. “We don’t tell them. And this won’t happen again.” Jake said his voice breaking slightly at the last sentence. “I’m going to go.” He said grabbing his coat off the floor before heading towards the door.

Outside the air was cold but Jake didn’t notice. He looked back one more time through the store windows and saw Amy still standing there a look of horror on her face. Just as he began to walk away he noticed Charles standing on the opposite side of the street watching him intently. Jake waved at the small man and Charles waved back before walking the opposite direction that Jake did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really struggled with Rosa and Gina and trying to get them in character so if it seems a little off I apologize :) Hopefully the rest of this chapter was good though!


	5. Who Are We To Find Ourselves In Other People's Beds?

Amy watched Jake take books off the cart and put them on the shelves. She tried to put her own books on the shelves but her mind kept wandering back to him. As much as she appreciated his company, she would’ve been able to do this much faster on her own. As soon as she started talking about Teddy, she knew she was a goner. Jake was going to see right through her lies, and she wasn’t going to deny it. 

Before she could stop herself, her lips were on his. And God it felt so good. Her heart pounded in her chest so loud that she swore he would be able to hear it. When one of his hands found their way into her hair she whimpered into his mouth begging him for more.

He must have understood because his other found its way under her shirt to feel the bare skin on her back. His hand on her skin felt like fire, but she didn’t mind a single bit. She prayed that this moment would last forever. Maybe some flaw in design, they would get traped living this second over and over again. 

Unfortunately she needed to break away in order to breath. Although that task was not as easy as it was two seconds ago. “I just had to know.” She whispered. He closed his eyes tightly and that’s when she realized his hand was still on her bare back burning her skin.

Suddenly all rational sense came flooding back to her. She put distance between the two of them as quickly as she could. The look of hurt on his face made her heart break into a million pieces. She wanted to run back over to him, wrap him in her arms and tell him everything was okay. But she couldn’t. “Oh God oh God oh God oh God. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize Ames. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“They could kill us.” She hissed. “We just cheated on our matches! This can’t happen again. What do we do?” 

“We don’t tell them.” Jake said curtly. “I’m going to go.” He said his voice cracking slightly. Again Amy wanted to reach for him, tell him to stay. But she didn’t trust herself not to kiss him again. She watched him walk out of the bookstore and as the door closed behind her she felt a ping of sadness erupt in her heart. Amy finished organizing the books. Ignoring the tears that were streaming down her face becoming harder and harder.

\---------

When Amy got home, Teddy was waiting for her on her doorstep. All of a sudden guilt hit her like a brick. She was going to have to lie to him. “Hey.” Teddy said when he saw her. “I got us takeout and this documentary.” He held up a bag of takefood and a dvd titled “When Sloths attack.”

Amy put on the best fake smile she could muster. “Great.” She said as the two of them made their way up to the apartment. The two sat on her couch eating the take out food and watching the documentary. It was the most boring documentary she had ever seen. And that’s coming from someone who likes documentaries better than regular movies. 

After they're done eating, Teddy laid down on the couch and pulled Amy down with him. He wrapped his arms around her and she knew that she should feel happy. Yet she couldn’t stop thinking about laying like this with Jake. When she fell asleep next to him after that nightmare, it was the most content that she had felt in a long time. At the time she didn't realize why, but it was becoming crystal clear now. And the reason terrified her. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Teddy asked her.

“Just about how weird these sloths attack.” She lied to him. It felt weird to lie to him, this was not how good relationships start off. But then again good relationships never start off well when one partner kind of has a crush on someone else. 

When the documentary ended Teddy flicked on her lamp. He moved a strand of hair behind her ears, his hand lingering on her jaw. His hands were smooth as if he used lotion constantly. She missed the way Jake’s hands cupped her cheeks. They weren’t smooth like Teddys, instead they were rough, covered in gun callouses. 

Amy yawned dramatically. “I’m probably going to go to bed.” She said. 

“Okay.” Teddy replied. “Do you want me to leave or can I stay here.” 

Amy felt the panic rise up in her. She hesitated for a second before saying “I think you should go if that’s okay with you. I just think that we should take things slow.”

“Yeah of course.” Teddy said getting up off the couch to gather the trash. After throwing it away he left her apartment. “Goodnight.” He said before closing the door behind him. Amy stayed on her couch flipping through various tv shows on her dvr. Eventually she decided to play a House Hunters. Anything that she played was going to end being background noise anyway. 

She made it through three episodes before there was a knock at the door. She mentally prepared herself for it to be Teddy. He was probably pissed that she wanted to take things slow. Anytime she didn’t let him stay over he seemed annoyed. Although he would never tell her that. 

A couple of episodes in, Amy was almost asleep when there was a knock on the door startling her wide awake. She opened the door and was meet with Jake standing there with an angry look on his face. He walked into her apartment before she even had a chance to ask him to come in. “I’m pissed at you!” he yelled at her. Amy stood in her entryway watching him pace around her living room. “This is so unfair Amy.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked him in a low tone closing the door behind her and moving into the living room.

“What am I talking about?” He yelled at her. 

“Jake shh. You’re being really loud.” She said to him trying to make sure that her neighbors wouldn’t hear anything. 

“You don’t get to decide when you want me and when you don’t.” He said to her, his voice significantly lower than it had been just two seconds ago. “I told you the way I felt and you ran away. And you know what that's fine. I wasn't asking you to do anything about it I just wanted you to know. But then you kissed me. You kissed me Amy not the other way around.”

“I said I was sorry.” She said. 

“Well sorry isn’t going to cut it.” Jake said. “Because it probably didn’t mean anything to you. You’ll be fine with Teddy, but now I won’t ever be okay with Sophia. It’s like giving an alcoholic a drop of wine and then saying they can’t have anymore.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” Amy said her voice now raising in volume. “It happened in the moment. I didn’t mean to do it.”

“Well it still happened.” Jake said. “And I can’t just pretend like it didn’t. I don't need things to change, I just need you to know that was a pretty shitty thing to do to a friend.”

“We need to make things work with our matches Jake. You know that. That kiss was a mistake. It never should’ve happened.”

“I know you don’t think that.” Jake said. “I know that you enjoyed that kiss just as much as I did. I think that we are past the point of lying to each other Amy.” Jake said throwing his hands up in the air.

“It was a mistake!” Amy screamed at him before she could stop herself. “It was a mistake.” She said again much lower. “Because it can never happen again. I will never get to kiss you again, and everytime Teddy tries to kiss me all I can think about is you. This isn’t the way it supposed to be.”

“Nothing about this is the way it’s supposed to be. This entire thing is so fucked up and I don’t understand how you don’t see it. Haven’t you ever thought that it’s crazy to kill someone just because they choose who they wanted to love?”

Amy was silent as she watched him stop pacing in her living room. He looked right at her before continuing to speak. “I know that my dad wasn’t the best and being unfaithful is wrong. But it says something about him that he was willing to die for the right to chose.”

“Are you willing to die for that right?” Amy asked her voice far more timid than she meant it to come across. 

Jake took a deep breath. “If I got to chose you, then yes. All you have to do is say the words and I’m yours Ames.”

With those words Amy threw herself across the room at him, hands going straight to his hair. He didn’t hesitate to kiss her back his hands finding their way to her waist. He backed her up until her back hit the wall. His hands slipped under her shirt and her breath caught at the back of her throat. 

Jake made kissed his way down her jaw before moving down her neck. She whimpered when he found the pressure point on her neck. He picked her up and held her firmly, her back still pressed against the wall. “Bedroom?” She asked. And Jake just noticed before carrying her to her bedroom. He gently laid her down on her bed before climbing on top of her. 

“I feel like I’m dreaming.” He whispered into her skin. 

“You’ve dreamt about this?” Amy asked.

“So many times.” Jake said. Amy ran her hands up under his shirt feeling his lightly toned abs that she never knew were there until now. Jake kissed down to her collarbone before lifting her up enough to take off her shirt. She took his cue and quickly pulled off his. “God you’re so pretty.” He said to her as he went back to kissing her. 

“You’re not too bad yourself.” She murmured in between moans. She lifted her hips enough for him to pull her pants off and throw them in the ever growing pile of clothes that laid on her floor. Her hands then quickly found their way to his belt buckle, before he stopped her. “Jake. Please.” 

“In a second.” Jake said as he trailed kisses down her stomach. His hands came to rest on her panty line. “Are you sure?” He asked as his finger slid under the band.

“God you’re killing me.” She said “yes I’m sure.” Jake laughed as he continued kissing down her stomach.

\------------

Amy laid next to Jake her heart still pounding in her chest. She looked over at him. His hair was a disaster and she could see the hickey’s that she left on his stomach starting to form. “That was amazing.” He said turning to look at her. 

“Yeah.” She agreed with a smile. “I just hope it wasn't a mistake.”

“Hope it wasn’t a mistake title of your sex tape.” Jake gasped. “Title of our sex tape.” Amy rolled her eyes at him before leaning over and kissing him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long wait is over :) I hope to have a new chapter up tomorrow and Friday


	6. Oh, Won't You Stay With Me

“So we need to talk.” Amy said sitting down on her couch keeping a respectable distance from Jake.

“Hm. I can’t possibly think of anything that we need to talk about.” Jake said with a cocky smirk on his face. A smirk that four hours ago she would’ve kissed off his face. Although she would be lying if she said she wasn’t thinking about it right now. 

“No I’m serious. This is a serious discussion Jake.” 

“Yes I know. We had sex.” Jake said.

“Yeah.”

“And we’re like crazy good at it.”

“Yeah.”

“So we should do it again. Right now.”

“Yeah- wait no!” Amy exclaimed. “I mean yeah, just not right now. They could kill us for what we did last night.”

Jake shrugged. “Can’t say that I have any regrets.” 

“I do!” Amy exclaimed and the look of sadness that washed over his face made her want to cry herself. “I mean not about having sex with you. It’s just. It’s complicated. I don’t want to die.”

“Well no, I don’t really want to die either.” Jake said with a laugh. “But I also want to do this again. And again. And again. And again. An-”

“Okay that’s enough.” Amy said. “I get it. If we do this there are going to be rules.” 

“Ooh a binder?” Jake asked with fake enthusiasm in his voice.

“No. Although I really want to make a binder.” Amy said. “This is going to be completely verbal that way there isn’t physical proof of our plan. That way there isn’t some binder laying around my house that Teddy could stumble upon”

“Smort.” Jake said. “So do you like already have the rules or are we-”

“First.” Amy said cutting him off. “Don’t talk to each other’s matches. I won’t talk to Sophia, you won’t talk to Teddy. It leaves less room for one of them to figure out that something is going on.”

“Good.” Jake said. “Not gonna be a problem I hate talking to Teddy. It’s like talking to the most interesting man in the world's evil twin the most boring man in the world.”

“Second.” Amy said completely ignoring him. “No surprise pop ins. Don’t show up at my apartment with takeout food randomly. You never know when Teddy might be here. Or Charles for that matter.”

“What if I text beforehand.”

“Okay going to add another rule for the third one. No texting of any sort that would indicate a romantic relationship. They can see our phones if they wanted to.” Amy said. “Next no heart eyes in public. If you start looking at me like you’ve seen me naked, someone is going to put two and two together.”

“Oh come on. That one is so unfair. Have you seen yourself? How am I supposed to see you in public and not look at you like your the prettiest girl in New York City?”

“The same way I’m going to not make eyes at you in public. Deflect it to Sophia.” Amy said. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. “This next one is going to be the hardest one for you.”

“These are all going to be hard!” Jake exclaimed.

“I know that you like to make up all these crazy stories and characters. But when you lie to Sophia about where you are going to be it needs to be a believable lie. The best way to lie is to keep it as close to the truth as possible.”

“But what if I want to tell her that I got caught up in work? That I was taken hostage in a hostage situation.” Jake asked with a slightly whining tone.

“That’s easy to fact check.” She said to him. “And when she starts getting suspicious, she’ll call your work and find out that you are lying. If your lies are simple like I’m going to dinner with a couple of friends, then it won’t be as easy for her to know that you’re lying.”

“I guess.” He said admitting defeat.

“Only two more. For now. This can end at any point or any time.” She said watching as his face fell slightly. “I’m not saying it will, but I want the option to be able to back out. No hard feelings.”

“Of course you could back out Ames. I’m not holding you too anything. If you even don’t want to do this right now then we don’t have to. It’s whatever you want.” He said. 

“I mean if you want to back out at some point you could too. These rules apply to both of us.” Jake just nodded his head in agreement. “And lastly, we can’t fall in love with each other. The punishment would be far worse.”

“What’s worse than death?” Jake asked.

“Let me rephrase it’s not the punishment that’s different. It’s the way they handle the punishment. When it’s just physical they kill you by lethal injection. The only people that watch are your family.” Jake nodded looking down at the couch, sadness evident in his eyes. “Whereas if they can prove that you’re in love they hang you in front of everyone. They turn it into propaganda. If I’m going to die for this then it will be in front of my family, not the entire city of New York.”

“Okay.” Jake said. “I can agree to those. But I have a few rules of my own.” Amy nodded “Going off the first rule of yours, I don’t want to be hear about Teddy. And I’m guessing that you don’t want to hear about Sophia. So no talking about each other’s matches.”

“That’s a good one. I didn’t even think of that.” Amy said.

“Next I don’t want to see you kiss Teddy. I know that we have to do it behind closed doors or whatever, but if I’m in the room maybe refrain?” 

“I agree. Cause I don’t want to see you kiss Sophia either. That was horrible.”

“A ha!” Jake exclaimed pointing a finger at her. “I knew you were jealous.” 

“Shut up.” She said back to him. “Like you wouldn’t have been a little jealous if I had acted that way around Teddy.”

“Oh I’m not even trying to deny that. I would’ve lost my damn mind. Which is why I made that rule." Jake said. " I think that we should tell them that we're taking things slow. That’s what Teddy said you guys were doing anyway.”

“He said that?” Amy asked. “Okay so I didn’t ask him to sleepover but it’s not like we were taking things ‘slow’. I am not an old fashioned person.” Jake arched his eyebrows at her as she was clearly breaking one of the rules right now. “Sorry.” She said when she noticed his look.

“It’s fine.” Jake said relaxing back into the couch. “That’s all I have. Do you have anything else?” Amy shook her head no. “So we’re good then?” He asked as Amy crawled across the couch to sit in his lap.

“Yeah. We’re good.” She said as she started kissing him softly his hands moving to hold her waist. “But you should probably leave pretty soon.” She said in between kisses. “Sophia may start wondering where you are.”

“True, true, true, true, true, true. Or I could just stay here for just a little longer.” Amy rolled her eyes at him, but it was hard to say no when he was looking at her with those puppy dog eyes. 

“Damn it.” She murmured as she leaned back down. “You’re too cute.” 

“I know.” He responded. 

“But you really should go.” Amy said pulling away and standing up completely. Jake nodded realizing that she was serious this time. 

“Okay.” He said. “Call me later or something.” 

“Probably not.” She said.

“That’s good cause I probably wouldn’t pick up.”

“Get out loser.” Amy said to him trying to conceal her laughter.

“I’ll see you later.” Jake said as he left her apartment. She nodded and watched as he closed the door. She then threw herself down on her couch in exhaustion. Everything had spilled so out of control within forty eight hours. And honestly she couldn’t say that she didn’t love the way it was heading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of just a filler chapter that's kind of setting up the next few chapters of their relationship.


	7. How Long Will This Last

Jake sat a table across from Amy in the food court at the mall a couple of days later. “I think this will work best if we just act like everything's normal. It’s completely normal to be at the food court with your friend.”

“Yeah.” Jake agreed. “There’s nothing wrong with having a casual conversation with your friend over lunch. It would only be dangerous if I started talking about how pretty you look naked.”

“Which would be such a weird thing for a friend to say.” Amy said with a small smile. “But it would be even more weird for said friend to say that they think your butt is super cute.”

Jake smiled at her. “So we’re in agreeance?”

“Yep.” Amy said returning his smile. “Light and breezy”

“Yes.” Jake agreed. 

“Is there a reason that you wanted to have lunch at the food court and not the actual restaurant? The people in the mall are new kinds of strange.” Amy said making a face at a woman passing by wearing a shirt saying orgasm donor.

“People watching!” Jake exclaimed like a child in a candy shop. “It’s fun. Like that guy right there.” He pointed at a guy who was maybe nineteen chasing after an older girl trying to take a picture of her. “His name is Earl, he lives in his mother’s basement although he still calls her mommy. He spends all of his time playing fortnite although he’s never won a game. The only woman he’s ever seen are the avatars on that game which is why is so enchanted with that girl.”

“So you just make up stories for random people passing by?” Amy asked with an eyebrow raised. “Okay.” Amy scanned the room before her eyes settled on a forty year old woman decked head to two in Pink. “That one right there. Her name is...Katrina and she still lives in 2008.”

“That’s it?” Jake asked after a minute where he waited for her to continue. Amy nodded as if it was obvious. “Tell me about her. What’s she like? What’s her family like? What does she like to do?”

“Okay weirdo.” Amy said glancing back over at the woman praying for some sort of inspiration. “She graduated highschool in 2008 and it was the peak moment of her life. She’s a bored housewife with a husband that always seems to stay out too late. Her son is a know it all while her daughter is the definition of high maintenance. She likes to paint although she’s not very good at it. The only thing that she can draw is the....the… What was that stupid tv show where the two kids built things in their backyard?”

“Phineas and Ferb?”

“Of course you know. Yeah that. She can only draw Ferb, it’s her son’s favorite show.”

Jake was full on laughing at this point. “Why you making fun of me for knowing that show when you know it?”

“My nephew watches it. Last time I checked you don’t have any nephews.”

“True.” Jake said before scanning the room again. “Alright look.” He said pointing at a middle aged man sitting in the back of the food court on his own. Just like the two of them, his eyes were scanning the room although it wasn’t with the same playful look as theirs was. “That’s Ryder Dunway. His parents were American spies living in Russia that were brutally killed right in front of him at the young age of seven. Ever since then he’s been all alone making ends meet with various ways until he could afford a plane ticket back to America. In America he found a girl and got married only to have her be killed in a massive time’s square shooting. Now he vows to take down everyone who’s ever wronged him, starting with his parents murders. It won’t end until everyone’s paid.”

“Jake that is so dark. God please stop!” Amy said laughing slightly. “Good lord.” The two sat there taking turns until their sandwiches were long gone. “We’ve been here for like an hour.”

“I know.” Jake said. “I guess that we should probably leave. It’s probably getting a little weird.”

“Maybe we could go get ice cream or something?” Amy asked secretly not wanting to go home alone yet. 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” 

\-----------

“So do you think Johnny and Dora will be able to make things work?” Jake asked in betweens licks on his ice cream cone.

Somehow Amy instantly understood what he was talking about. “I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “I mean Dora really likes Johnny. Like really likes Johnny. More than she’s ever liked any other guy. I think that the two of them just need to work on it. Like any other relationship. What do you think?”

“I know that Johnny really likes Dora as well. I think it may take some time to get used to, but I think that it could work. If they are both fully committed.” Jake said.

“Well I don’t want to speak for Johnny but I know that Dora is fully committed.”

“Johnny is definitely fully committed.”

\---------

Amy sat on her couch flipping through magazines when her phone light up with Charles Boyle flashing across the screen. “Hello?” She asked.

“Hi Amy! It’s Charles Boyle! How are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?” 

“I’m great thanks! I’m calling because your match, Teddy, requested a date tonight. We have you guys set up to meet at Home Depot at seven. Good?”

“Home depot?” Amy muttered to herself before realising that she was still on the phone. “Uh yeah that’s fine.”

“Perfect!” Charles exclaimed. “Oh one more thing! You and your friend Jake, what were you two doing in your bookstore a couple of days ago?”

Amy felt her cheeks burning at the memory of what the two of them were doing. “Jake was helping me restock books. It’s a lot of work.” She said with a laugh hoping that her voice didn’t come across as nervous. 

“It looked like he was hugging you.” Charles said. 

“Oh yeah he was. I was sad.” 

“Do you care if I ask why?” Charles asked.

Amy ran her tongue over her teeth trying to come up with a lie in the blink of an eye. Jake was so much better at this stuff. He would’ve been able to change the subject before Charles even knew what happened. “Kind of an awkward question to ask but if you have to know it was that time of the month, and I was just feeling down.” She hated using that excuse but it was probably the fastest way to get Charles off the phone without any further questions.

“Ah. Sorry I asked. I’m glad that you and Jake are such great friends. Jake is great.” 

“Yeah.” She agreed. “Well I’ve got to get ready.” Amy said crossing her fingers and praying that Charles would take the hint and hang up the phone. 

“Okay bye. Have a good night.” He said before finally hanging up. Amy glanced at her watch once before deciding that she needed to get ready pretty soon.

\--------

“Hey!” Teddy said once he saw her in the Home Depot parking lot. “You look great.”

“Thanks.” Amy said looking down at herself in just her jeans and sweater. “You don’t look bad yourself.” She said although she kept to herself the fact that Jake was a thousand times cuter. “Can I ask why we’re at Home Depot though?”

“Good question. I guess my answer is-that you’re about to find out.” He said with a big smile and laugh before grabbing her hand and dragging her into the hardware store. “They have the best lights here.” He said as he took her to an aisle where all the lamps were hanging from the ceiling. “I could spend days in here.” He looked up at the first one the way a baby looked at a balloon. 

“Yeah it’s a pretty light.” Amy said her eyebrows crinkling together. “Are we going to dinner after this?” She asked after a moment of her not saying anything and him staring into lights as if he was high.

“No. I already ate.”

“Okay.” Amy mouthed to herself. She reached in her bag and pulled out her phone. “Help me! I’m on a date with Teddy and he’s making me look at lights!!!” she sent to Jake before putting her phone away. 

“Oh! Look at this one Ammers.” Teddy exclaimed pointing at a light. “It’s got the rustic bronze coating. That would look great in our house.”

Amy stopped herself from saying that they don’t even live together yet. “It looks the same as the other ones.” Amy said snapping Teddy out of his haze, his attention turning towards her.

“Looks like the other ones?” Teddy repeated her question. “Ammers no. This one here is a five light rustic brown chandelier with clear glass jar shades. The other one has a dark bronze coating and those glass jars are tinted.” Teddy said.

“Okay. Sorry I didn’t know.” Amy said trying her hardest not to roll her eyes. “I like this one.” Amy said pointing at an expensive looking chandelier that was hanging from the ceiling.

“I do too! But I could never afford that.” Amy nodded her head in agreement. “Are you ready to move on? We can go look at the showers?”

“Oh boy!” Amy said. 

As the two of them walked toward the plumbing section Teddy reached down and took her hand in his. “Hey can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course.” Amy said.

“Am I your first match?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Amy said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Am I not yours?” She asked after a moment when she realized the implication of his question.

“No.” Teddy said. “I’ve been matched two times before.”

“Wait-How old are you?” Amy asked.

“Twenty four.” Teddy said. “The other two girls decided to leave the program. Said that they couldn’t make it work.”

“I’m sorry Teddy, that must’ve felt pretty shitty.”

Teddy shrugged his shoulders. “I mean not great. But I guess that it got me here.” He said to her looking down at her with a smile. She returned his smile although it didn’t feel at all genuine. When he leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head it took everything in her to not lean away from him. 

\---------

“He’s horrible.” Amy said into her phone as she laid in bed that night. “He could be the most boring man on the planet.” 

“What happened to no talking about matches?” Jake asked after a second. 

“Are you feeling jealous right now?” Amy asked her voice laced with amusement. 

“No.” Jake said. “But I thought that we had agreed...”

“I just need to rant okay? And you’re the only one who knows that I don’t like like him.”

“What did he do?” Jake asked her. 

“He took me to Home Depot Jake. Freaking Home Depot. Made me walk around looking at lights, showers, toilets, door handles, and anything else in the store. We were there until closing. The employees had to ask us to leave.” Amy could hear Jake laughing on the other end of the phone. The sound of his laughter making a smile grow on her face and heart swell in her chest. 

“That’s hysterical. I mean who thinks that taking a date to home depot is a good idea?”

“The same person who has already had two matches.” Amy said

“What?” Jake questioned into his phone. “Two? That means that two girls decided that it was better to spend the rest of their lives out in the colonies then to stay with him.”

“Yes! That’s how boring he is.” She could hear him laughing again on the other side of the phone. “I wish that you were here.” She said to him. 

“I wish that I was there too.” Jake replied his laughter slowly dying down. “I should probably go though. I have to get up early in the morning.”

“I do too.” Amy said. She hesitated for a second not wanting to end the conversation. On the other end of the line she could hear the faint sound of him breathing. She knew that he didn’t want to be the first one either. So she took the plunge for them. “Good night Jake.” 

“Night Ames.”


	8. Who Am I To Chose The Boy That Everyone Adores

**Four months later**

Jake knocked twice on Amy’s door with two fast knocks a pause and then one normal. It was the ‘secret’ code the two had established. When she opened her door he quickly stepped inside. The second that he put his basket down on her coffee table, her arms were around his neck and her lips were pressed against his just like so many times before. When it first happened Jake swore that he’d never get used to kissing her and so far that’s been one hundred percent true. “What was your lie this time?” Amy asked sitting down on the couch.

“Told her I was working a case. I told her I arrested someone without any evidence so we only have forty eight hours to prove he did it. She laughed at me and told me I was stupid. But I don’t care because there are now forty eight hours where she won’t be expecting me.”

“You’re a genius.” Amy said as she stood on her tip toes to kiss him again. “Although gotta say, sounds like you know that story pretty well.”

“Yeah it’s definitely happened before.”

Amy laughed “Of course it has.” She rolled her eyes slightly before looking over at the picnic basket sitting on her coffee table. “What’s that?” 

“Have an open mind.” Jake started.

“No! Jake! Nothing ever goes right when you start with ‘have an open mind’.”

“I know, but I promise this time it will be worth it. Trust me?” 

“Fine.” Amy agreed. 

“Great. Meet me downstairs at my car in ten minutes.” Jake said before grabbing the basket and heading out her front door. Ten minutes came and went and soon Amy was standing in the elevator on the way down to the parking garage. His car wasn’t hard to find and she quickly slipped into the passenger seat. 'The less weird we be about this the better.' they had decided a long time ago. It wasn’t illegal to hang out with friends.

“Where are we going?” Amy asked Jake as soon as he left the parking garage. 

“You’ll have to wait and see.” Jake said and Amy rolled her eyes turning to watch the city pass by. “Can you grab a cd out of the glove box?” Jake asked her. “It’s not exactly a short drive.”

“Okay first why do you still have cds? Second and most important where the hell are you taking me? Are you taking me out in the middle of nowhere to kill me?”

“Yes. I am taking you out in the middle of nowhere to kill you Ames. This entire thing has been a set up just for this one night.” 

Amy couldn’t help but smile as she dug through his glove box. “The only thing you have in here is Taylor Swift. How Jake? How?” 

“Taylor Swift is a national treasure and I will die defending my point.” 

“Which one you want?”

“You pick.” Amy handed him the 1989 cd and he put it into the cd player. Once the song started he turned the volume up as loud as it would go much to Amy’s despise. “I know you want to sing along.” He shouted at her over the ridiculously loud music. “Come one Ames. I’ve got a blank space baby and I’ll write your name.” Jake sang looking over at her. 

“Eyes on the road.” She said to him looking back out the window to hide the smile that crept over her face. The two of them spent the next hour laughing and singing along to Taylor until the New York skyline was no longer in sight. The only thing Amy saw out her window was open fields. “Jake. Where are you taking me?” 

“I told you it’s going to be a surprise. Trust me. You’ll love it.” Just then the dark car was flooded with red and blue lights. “Shit.” Jake mumbled under his breath as he pulled to the side of the road. He started to reach for his badge but Amy stopped him. 

The officer walked up next to the car as Jake rolled down the window. “Hey there.” Jake said to the officer.

“Are you aware that you were driving sixty miles in a fifty mile zone?” The officer asked. 

“I was not sorry about that.” Jake said.

“What are you two doing out here anyway? You lost?” The cop asked. 

“Yeah we are.” Amy lied. “He swore that he knew this Thai restaurant that served the best fried rice he’d ever had. Told me it was only a few miles out of the city. But we’ve been driving for like an hour. There probably closed at this point Teddy, it’s eleven at night.” 

“Well I was taking you out here to propose to you under the stars, but I guess now that won’t happen.” Jake said throwing his arms up in the air. The cop watched the scene that laid out in front of him. 

“You two matched together?” He asked after a second.

“Yeah.” They both said in unison. Amy grabbed Jake’s hand and he returned with an affectionate squeeze. “Still can’t believe that I got so lucky.” Jake added.

The cop studied the two of them for a minute. “I get it. You were excited to propose. Next time don’t drive so fast please.”

“Will do.” Jake shouted as he rolled up the window letting out a sigh of relief. 

“You dumbass.” Amy said her voice sounding serious although she was on the edge of laughter herself. Jake continued driving until he parked the car on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. “I honestly feel like you’re about to kill me.” Amy said looking over at him.

“I’m not about to kill you I promise.” Jake said as he got out of the car before running around to open the door for Amy. He grabbed the basket that was carrying earlier and a blanket out of the back seat. 

“What are you doing?” Amy asked as he laid the blanket down in the middle of the meadow. She watched him intently as he sat down on the blanket and opened the basket pulling out all sorts of food. Lastly he pulled out a bottle of champagne.

“Picnic under the stars. Planetariums don’t even come close to the real thing, so I thought that we could drive out here.”

Amy stared at him mouth half open in surprise. “I thought that we agreed no big romantic gestures.”

“We did.” Jake said. “But I couldn’t help myself. We’re a hundred miles from the city. The only thing out here is us, the crickets, and the moon. So I think that we’re in the clear.” Jake said. Amy took a deep breath before joining him on the quilt.

“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.” She said as she looked at all the food he brought. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, what appeared to be a caesar salad, mac and cheese, chocolate chip cookies, oreos, turkey and ham in a package. “This is so much food though.”

“I know. I wasn’t sure exactly what to bring. But don’t worry I only brought one kind of drink.” Jake said as he pulled out two cans of orange soda. 

“I don’t even know what to say. This is beyond sweet.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Jake said to her with a wide smile. “It feels nice just to get away from everything for a little while. And there’s no one that I would rather be here with.”

After finishing eating the two of them laid back on the quilt, Amy’s head laying on Jake’s stomach. “You see that one right there?” Amy asked pointing at a star Jake nodded. “Trace a line straight down and connect the other two.” Jake nodded again and Amy pointed out the rest of the stars. “They form Leo the lion.” 

“I have never been able to see constellations before.” Jake said. “I always wanted to as a kid but I never could see what people were talking about.”

“Really?” Amy asked. “I always loved picking them out at the planetarium. You’ve seen the big and little dipper at least right?”

“Nope.” Jake said causing Amy to gasp. “I couldn't even find those. I mean how pathetic right?” He said with a laugh that caused Amy to smile even wider up at the stars.

“Okay I see the little dipper.” Amy said before pointing out all the stars to him and drawing a line with her finger to connect them.

“Oh my gosh!” Jake exclaimed “I see it!” His happiness upon seeing the seven stars made Amy’s heart swell. “Alright. My turn to show you something.”

“What?” Amy asked.

“Get up.” Jake said offering her his hand which she gladly accepted. Her hand was warm in his and the way her fingers interlocked with his made his heart flutter. “We’re gonna dance.”

“No Jake!” Amy whined. “You know that I’m not good at dancing.”

“It’s just us. No one’s watching, there’s no one to make fun of you.” Jake reassured her still holding her hand. “I’m going to show you.” Amy finally nodded in agreement. Jake wrapped his arm around her waist while she put hers on his shoulder. He took her other hand in his. “Alright so just follow my lead okay?” 

“Okay.” Amy said. Jake started swaying back and forth and Amy tried to keep up with his movement. Jake smiled down at her with big adoring brown eyes. “Slow down.” Amy said. 

Jake listened and slowed down his movements quite a bit. “You’re doing great.” He whispered into her ear sending shivers down her back. 

“Can we just kind of sway back and forth?” Amy asked. “I really don’t want to step on your feet.”

Jake laughed at her slightly. “Yeah of course.” He said moving dropping her hand hand and moving it to her waist. She moved both of her hands around his shoulders. 

“I’ve never seen so many stars in my life.” Amy whispered. “And I didn’t know that crickets could be so loud.” She rested her head against his chest as they continued to sway back and forth. Jake wondered if she could hear how loud is heart was pounding in his chest. 

“I think that I love you.” Jake said all of a sudden. It wasn’t something that he had just realized. He had known it for a while now. But standing here with no one in sight, it felt like the best time to say it.

Amy pulled back slightly and looked up into his eyes. “Jake.” She started and his heart started beating so fast he thought that he was going to have a heart attack. “You know that you can’t. It was one of rules.”

“So was big romantic gestures.” Jake pointed out. 

Amy smiled slightly. “You can’t love me Jake.” She trailed off for a second. “But you can hate me. Because I think I hate you.”

Jake smiled back down at her. His eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “Well great the feeling is mutual then.”

“It is.” Amy agreed snuggling her head back into his chest. “I think that you’re amazing.”

“Well I think that you are breathtaking.” Amy blushed slightly. The two continued to sway back and forth long in to night until they decided it was time to pack up and return home. Back to the life that neither of them wanted to live anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the time jump annoyed you guys :( but if I didn't have it this story would be so long.


	9. I Think I Saw A Ghost

“This is nice.” Amy said as her and Jake walked in Central Park. Outside the sun was shining and the wind was lightly blowing. Enough to make it comfortably chilly.

“Yeah.” Jake agreed his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket to resist any temptation to grab her hand. “What would you say if I asked you to run away with me?” Jake asked seemingly out of the blue.

Amy was silent for a second as the two continued to walk the paved trail. “I don’t know.” she answered. “I mean how would that even work?”

“I haven’t worked out the logistics or anything, but I figured that we would just drive until they couldn’t find us. Leave everything behind.” Jake answered. “We would head out west maybe Montana or Wyoming some area with little to no population.”

“You would leave your job?” Amy asked. “You love being a detective. And what about my bookstore, and my family? I mean how would any of that work?”

“We would have to leave it all.” Jake said. “There wouldn’t be any going back.”

“I don’t know Jake.” Amy said. “I’m not saying no, but I’m not saying yes either.”

“So maybe?” Jake asked. Amy could hear the hopefulness in his voice at the idea of her maybe saying yes.

“Maybe.” She confirmed. “It’s tempting. Just the two of us, no one to stop us. But there’s a lot to think about before we make a major life decision like that. What if this doesn't work?”

“I’m not worried about that.” Jake said. “I hate you remember.”

“I do. And I hate you too, but that doesn't mean that things are going to end well.” The look of sadness that crossed over his face broke her heart in half. “We chose each other. We made a choice, and what if we chose wrong.”

“We didn’t chose wrong, because of the fact that we chose.” 

Amy looked down at her feet as the two continued to walk. “I’ll think about.” she said “but don’t hold me to anything.”

“I won’t.” Jake said. “No hard feelings either way.” 

“I should probably go.” Amy said. “Teddy’s supposed to meet my parents tonight.” As soon as Amy said it she regretted bringing him up. It was hard to not notice the way Jake’s entire body tensed up and how he refused to look at her. 

“Yeah I probably should go too. Don’t want Sophia to start to wonder where I am.” Amy nodded. “Bye.” Jake said before heading off in the opposite direction as her. Amy watched him walk away before turning and going the other way. His offer was tempting, and the more she thought about it the more she wanted to call him up right now and tell him yes. Tell him that she was ready to screw everything, the system, Teddy, her parents, all of it. Ready to be completely his. But this wasn’t a decision that should be made in the moment like that. 

\---------

“Are you almost ready?” Teddy called out from her living room. Amy looked at her reflection one last time, putting the final touches on her makeup. She was wearing a short yellow dress. The same one that Jake claimed was his favorite. Although the way he threw it on the bedroom floor would argue otherwise. 

“Yeah.” Amy shouted sliping on her heels before exiting her bedroom. When she walked out into the living room Teddy’s mouth fell open slightly although he didn’t say anything. “Ready?” Teddy noded and the two of them left her apartment building.

At her parents house, Teddy mingled with her brothers while Amy helped set the table. “Teddy seems great.” Her mother said as she handed Amy a large stack of plates.

“Yeah.” Amy agreed half heartedly. 

“Have you guys talked about marriage and children?” Amy felt her heart rate began to increase at her mother’s question. It wasn’t something that they had talked about and honestly it was the last thing that she wanted to do right now. At least with Teddy.

“Uh no.” Amy said. “I mean I’m sure that we will eventually.” She set the plates down on the table and tried to ignore the look that her mom was giving her. 

“Dinners ready!” Her mom shouts and soon all of the Santiagos are filing into the dining room and taking their seats. Teddy sits down next to Amy and she offers him a weak smile. Everyone at the table began to fill their plates with food before digging in.

“So Teddy.” Her mother started. “What do you like to do in your freetime. Amy likes to read do you also like to read?”

“I do.” Teddy said smiling over at Amy. “I think that it’s cool that she has her own store. But I like to bottle pilsners. Go to movies with friends, typical stuff.” 

Her parents took turns going through icebreaker questions until they got to the questions that Amy had been dreading. “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” 

“Well I would like to get married within the year.” Teddy said looking over at Amy who had to swallow the large lump that was forming in her throat. “Then I think that it would be nice to be married for a little while before having children. But I want to have kids sooner rather than later, maybe within three years.”

“We come from a pretty big family as you can tell.” Her dad said and everyone at the table chuckled. “Do you also want to have a big family.”

“Yeah I think around four kids is where I stand. How about you?” He asked Amy.

“Probably three or four.” Amy said. What she didn’t say is that she didn’t want to have those kids with him. “I think that having a big family is important.” She continued. “I always have someone to lean on which I would like my kids to have as well.”

Her parents nodded in agreement. When everyone was done eating, family members began to make their way out of the dining room and into the living room. Teddy followed one of her brothers leaving Amy alone with both of her parents. “I’ll help clean up the dishes.” Amy said. 

“Thank you hijia.” Her mother said as the three of them began to gather all the dirty dishes off the table.

“Teddy seems really nice.” Her dad said to her. “Seems like a great match.” Amy nodded loading several plates into the dishwasher.

“Can I ask you guys something.” Her mother stopped washing off the plate and her father turned to look at her. “Um.” Amy said. “Do you know anything about Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner.” The names had been running through her mind ever since Jake had told her the story.

Her mom dropped the plate that she was holding in the sink. The sound of the glass hitting the sink felt loud enough to shatter windows. Her father’s entire body was tense. “Why are you asking.” he asked after a second.

“I was just curious.” Amy said regretting asking. "But it doesn't matter? 

“How did you even hear about them?” He asked her his voice rising.

“I was just reading about them in this book. But there wasn’t much information. And you guys know that I like to learn everything I can about history.” 

“They were this couple that decided to run away together.” Her mom said.

“They’re the reason that not getting married is an option now.” Her father added. “We had to re adjust the whole system after the two of them. The entire thing was a nightmare.”

“Do you know why they did it?” Amy asked.

“They were young and foolish.” her mother answered. “They believed that they loved each other. Thought that they knew better than the system. So they ran away together.”

“It was a stupid thing to do Amy.” her father told her. “They thought that they had the right to chose. And just like I always said to you when you were younger, they chose wrong.”

“But how do you know that?” Amy asked before she could stop herself. “What if choosing was the right decision for them?” The words kept tumbling out of her mouth no matter how hard she tried to make them stop.

“It wasn’t though.” Her mother said after a moment of silence. “Only lord knows where they are now, but they won’t ever be able to come back. They won’t ever be able to see their family anymore. If we ever find them they’ll be killed. It wasn’t the right choice, it was a foolish in the moment choice.”

“Where do you think that they are now?”

“I don’t know.” Victor told her. “It’s hard to say, probably somewhere up in the mountains hiding from everything and everyone. I don’t even know why we are talking about this.” the anger was back in his voice and Amy winced at the edge of his words.

“I’m sorry I brought it up. I just wanted to know.” She said before walking out of the dining room and heading down the hall toward the living room. When she got far enough down the hall she could hear her parents start to talk again.

“He told her about them.” Victor said. “I knew that he was going to be trouble and here we are.”

“You don’t know that he told her that.”

“Well she didn’t read it.” Victor shouted. “You can’t find information about the two of them in any book or any where on the internet. The only way to hear about them is by mouth.”

“She’s a good kid. I don’t think that we have to worry about her. Him? Maybe, but I don’t think that she’s going to have an issue. She seems to really like Teddy.”

“You think? Cause I was actually thinking the exact opposite. Where you watching her reaction when Teddy mentioned being married within a year. She doesn't want to marry him.”

“That doesn't mean that she wants to marry Jake. I don’t think that she’s going to run away with him if that’s what you concerned about.” Amy fletcher cheeks turn red when her mother mentioned Jake by name. She shouldn’t have asked about Kevin and Raymond. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but looking back it was extremely careless.

“I don’t know.” Her dad said. “But I think that Jake and his match should see Terry. If he’s still talking about Holt and Cozner then he’s probably not fully committed.”

“It wouldn’t hurt.” Her mother agreed. “Ready?” She asked him as she turned off the kitchen light. Amy quickly walked down the rest of the hall so that her parent’s didn’t know that she was listening. In the living room she quickly found Teddy talking to her brother. She spent the rest of the night playing the part of the happy girlfriend. The part that everyone around her so desperately wanted to see.


	10. The Color Of My Blood Is All I See

Jake sat on a park bench alone. He watched happy couples walk around the park holding hands and a part of him ached knowing that he would never be able to do that with Amy. The crisp October air ruffled through his hair making him thankful that he had his jacket. When he saw her walking towards him he immediately felt a thousand times warmer. 

“Hey.” She said as she sat down next to him. “I don’t have very long. I have someplace else that I need to be soon.”

“That’s fine.” Jake said. “I just wanted to know if you thought anymore about what we had talked about last week.”

“I have.” Amy said and Jake felt himself holding his breath. Amy was silent for a second as if she was still thinking about it. “I want to Jake. I really do. But I don’t think that right now is the right time. Honestly it scares me a little bit.”

Jake nodded. “It scares me too.” he agreed. “It’s just that I keep trying to imagine what life is going to be like between us. We can’t keep doing this forever you know? Sneaking around and lying to them. Eventually I think that we are going to have to chose.”

“I know.” Amy said with a sad smile. “I don't want to think about that right now. Eventually there’s going to be all of this pressure to get married and have kids. I don’t want to marry him, I don’t want to have his children.”

“I don’t want to marry her.” Jake said holding back the fact that he wanted to marry Amy. “But if we don’t leave we are going to have to. Even if we keep sneaking around I don’t want to think about you being married to him. I know that sounds really selfish-”

“Maybe it does, but I feel the same way. Sometimes it keeps me up at night wondering if you are with her.” Amy said looking down at the ground as if she was embarrassed about that confession. “I guess that I just kind of want you to myself.” she was whispering at this point scared that someone might hear them.

“I know the feeling.” Jake said. “But if we ran away together then we wouldn’t have to deal with any of that.” He whispered.

“I’m not saying no.” Amy said. “Just not right now.” 

“Okay.” Jake said in defeat. 

Amy looked down at her watch. “I have to go. But I will see you soon. Hate you.” Amy said as she started to lean in before remembering that they were sitting on a public park bench. Although Jake would be lying if he said he didn’t lean forward a little bit too.

“I hate you too.” Jake said as he watched her walk away before getting up and heading back to his apartment.

\--------

Back at his apartment Jake was surprised to see that Sophie was sitting on his couch. “So Charles called.” She said.

“Did he set up another date. I’ve got say Footloose was actually a pretty good movie.”

“I still can’t get over the fact that you haven’t seen Footloose, but whatever. No he called to say that we have an appointment with Terry Jeffords.”

“Terry? Isn’t that the counselor for matches who are having problems?”

“Yeah.” Sophia said sounding annoyed. “I don’t think that we’re having problems do you?”

“No.” Jake said. “That seems out of the blue. I’ve told Charles that I’ve had a great time on all the dates.”

“I have too.” Sophia said. “It’s so bizarre. Charles said that we were put on this list for confidential reasons that can’t be disclosed to us. But he said that we have to go.”

“Ugh. That is so annoying. When is the appointment?”

“This Friday.” Sophia said. “Are you going to be able to go or are you going to be at work.”

“I’ll be able to go.” Jake said and Sophia smiled warmly at him clearly pleased with his answer. 

\--------

Terry’s office was smaller than Jake had expected. The walls were painted a light shade of blue and there were several lamps lit. It looked like what you would expect the average couple counselor's office to look like. 

Jake sat down on the couch next to Sophia while Terry sat across from them. “Hi! I’m Terry Jeffords. You guys must be Jake and Sophia.” They both nodded and waited for him to continue. “Okay so you guys have been recommended for counseling by-” he looked down at his paper “nevermind.” 

“So let me tell you a little bit about myself.” Terry continued but all Jake could think about was why they wouldn’t tell them who recommended them. If it wasn’t Charles than who was it. “I’ve been happily matched for twenty nine years now. My wife’s name is Sharon and we have three daughters. Our twins, Cagney and Lacey are five and our youngest Ava is three. I got into counseling because I think that everybody deserves to be as happy as me and Sharon.”

Next to him Sophia beamed from ear to ear. “Well that’s great to hear.” She said. “But I guess that we’re just a little confused as to why we have this appointment.” She looked over to Jake for some kind of approval. “I think that we are both happy.”

“Are you happy Jake?” Terry asked leaning forward and grabbing a notebook. He took the cap of his pen which for some reason made Jake feel far more nervous than he was two seconds ago.

“Yeah.” Jake said. 

“Are you sure?” Terry questioned further as if he was looking for any sort of slip up. Any reason to send Jake to jail.

“Yeah.” Jake said again.

Terry nodded once before writing something down in his notebook. “Alright the first thing about these sessions is that honesty is key. If you aren’t being honest with me we aren’t going to get anywhere.” Jake felt the back of his neck start to sweat. There was no way this complete stranger already knew he was lying. “Everything you say in this room is in total confidentiality. I won’t repeat a thing you say to anyone. Unless there is a trial.”

“A trial?” Sophia asked her voice raising an octave. “I’m sorry do you think that there is going to be a trial?”

“No.” Terry said. “Very rarely does it come to that. But if it were the confidentiality agreement goes out the window.” Jake nodded and he felt Sophia relax next to him on the couch. “So, let’s get started shall we?”

“How long have you two been matched to each other?” Terry asked first.

“About eight months.” Sophia said.

“And how has it been?” Terry asked. 

“I think that it’s been going pretty well.” Sophia said looking over at Jake again. “I don’t want to speak for Jake but I’ve been pretty happy. Which is why I am concerned about why we are here.”

Terry opened up his folder with all of the information again. Jake watched as he frowned down at it before looking back up to them. “Unfortunately I cannot tell you guys that. But what about you Jake? Have you been happy for these past eight months?”

A million different happy memories flooded into his mind. Unfortunately none of them included Sophia. “Yes.” He said and it wasn’t a lie. Terry asked if he had been happy these past months. And Jake had been happy during all the stolen moments with a girl that he was starting to realize would never be all his. 

Terry nodded again looking back down to write stuff in his notebook. “Most matches are living together after the first six months. Are you guys living together?” 

There was an awkward silence before Sophia answered. “Um no. We’re not.” Terry started writing things down in his notebook. “Is that a bad thing?” She asked.

“Not necessarily. Taking things slow isn’t always bad. What about marriage? Have you guys talked about your future yet?” Terry asked

There was another awkward silence and this time it was Jake’s turn to answer. “We haven’t.”

“Okay. I think that maybe you guys should talk about your future. To be honest I find it weird that you haven’t. Most matches can’t wait to talk about their future-”

“I tried to bring it up one time and you shut me down.” Sophie said looking over at him. 

“Because you asked during the middle of Die Hard 3.” Jake countered.

“Okay well I’m ready to talk now.” Sophia said and Jake wanted to curl up into the couch and die. “And Terry’s here to help up, so I can’t think of a better time.”

“Okay.” Jake said. “So let’s talk.”

“Great. I want to get married. Preferably this fall. But if that’s too early I can wait until next fall.”

“This fall seems to early.” Jake said entirely too fast. “Maybe next fall, although I’ve always kind of wanted a spring wedding.”

“I want an outdoor wedding and it’s too risky with rain in the spring.” Sophia said. “It doesn't matter we can pick out the little details later.”

“Great!” Terry said. “What about children? Do you both want children?”

Jake’s entire body stiffened at the idea of having kids. It seemed wrong to bring kids into the world with a women that he didn’t full heartly love. “I want four to five kids. I grew up without any siblings so I want my kids to have a big family. What about you?” She looked over at Jake and waited for his answer.

“I do.” He admitted after a second. “I want two kids, one boy one girl. Maybe three to four years apart.” All of a sudden an image of his daughter running around a house and Amy chasing after her filled his brain. When Amy caught the girl, laughter filled the air and Jake couldn’t help the large smile that formed on his face. He shook his head trying to clear his mind of the image. 

Terry nodded looking between the two of them. “Alright, so we’re going to go ahead and do the separate part of the session. If I could have you leave the room Jake.” Jake nodded before getting up off the couch and leaving the room. He shut the door behind him and sat down in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the lobby.

The image of him and Amy’s daughter in his head was pure torture. And with every passing second more and more images were coming to the front of his mind. Excited five years olds jumping on parent’s beds on Christmas morning. Amy pushing their daughter on a swing while she begged to go higher and higher. 

It was enough to drive him mad. Eventually the door opened and Sophia came out of Terry’s office. Terry motioned Jake into the room so Jake got up and re took his place on the couch. “So we do these separate sessions so that if there’s anything you don’t want to say in front of your match you can. We mainly ask about past relationships. Try to see if people are still harbouring love for someone. That way we can work through it.” Jake nodded and waited for Terry to continue. “You’re pretty good friends with Gina Linetti right?”

“Yeah.” Jake said. “We pretty much grew up together. Both had dads that left the system and moms that worked full time to try and support us.”

“That’s great. Having a good support system is key to this process." Terry said writing things down in his notebook. “Did anything ever happen between the two of you or did you ever wish that anything happened that would resemble a romantic relationship?”

Jake audibly laughed at that. Him and Gina? “No.” Jake said. “Gina is like a sister, I never would’ve wanted anything romantic with her. She’s really happy with Rosa, her match.”

“Perfect.” Terry said looking back down at his notebook. “What about Amy Santiago? You pretty good friends with her?”

Jake felt his throat go dry at her name. “Yeah.” He said. “We’re pretty good friends. We didn’t always get along. In highschool we were really competitive always trying to one up each other grade wise. She usually won.”

“How long have you known her?”

“Since freshman year of high school. We had biology together and got partnered for dissections. Things didn't go well, she wanted to have a detail step by step plan whereas I just wanted to cut open the frog and see what happened.” Jake said smiling slightly at the memory. When they were fourteen years old he never would’ve imagined himself head over heels in love with her. But then as the years progressed he slowly realized just how important she was to him.

“Did you two hang out a lot outside of school?” 

Jake crinkled his eyebrows. Terry was asking far too many questions about Amy and it was starting to make him nervous. “Not so much freshman year but then sophomore year we did start hanging out a lot more. Meeting up to study together, you know typical friend stuff.”

“Have you ever met her parents?” Terry asked. 

“Yeah I did. They don’t really like me.”

“And why’s that?” Terry asked making Jake regret saying the last part of his sentence.

“Uh.” He said reaching up to rub the back of his neck with his hand. “There was this one night sophomore year were Amy wanted to go a football game but her parents said no. She couldn't drive yet, but I could. So I helped her sneak out her bedroom window and then took her to the game. They were not happy about it.”

“I would be so livid if Cagney or Lacey tried that.” Terry remarked.

“Yeah. I get why they were mad. But I was just a dumb teenager who would’ve-” He stopped himself before he said that he would’ve done anything for her. 

“So in all these years that you two have been friends has anything romantic ever happened between the two of you?” Terry asked. 

The question that Jake knew was coming was finally here and his lie was ready. “No.” 

“Did you ever wish anything happened?”

“No.” 

Terry pursed his lips together and looked up at the ceiling as if he was trying to keep his cool. “Alright listen. I told you when you first came in here that you have to be honest with me right?” Jake nodded. “And I’m going to be honest I don’t think you are being honest.”

“We almost kissed junior year.” Jake admitted hoping to get Terry off his back. It seemed to work as Terry visibly relaxed and sank further back into his chair. There was nothing wrong with kissing a girl before being matched. They hadn’t done anything illegal.

“Thank you.” Terry said. “Can you tell me about it.”

Jake took a deep breath not exactly wanting to recount that night with someone that he had only known for maybe an hour. “I went over to her house one night to study. We ended up climbing out her window and sitting on the roof. She was trying to get me to study with her, but I didn’t want to. I had this bag of peanuts and I was throwing them, trying to catch them in my mouth. I was pretty good at it, she was not.” Jake trailed off for a second. It was if he was sitting there on that roof again as a seventeen year old. “It was really cute watching her try to catch them. One thing lead to another and we were leaning in about to kiss when her dad walked into the room. He’s never really like me I guess, always thought that I was a distraction.” 

“But you don’t still like Amy correct?” Terry asked

“No.” Jake lied. “She never really wanted to be together, so I had to move on. Dated a couple of girls in highschool and college, and just let her go.”

“That’s good.” Terry said looking down at his watch. “Okay I think that we are done for today.” He stood up and extended his hand which Jake took. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” Jake said as he shook his hand before walking out into the lobby where Sophia was siting. “Hey.” He said to her as the two of them headed towards the elevator. 

\--------------

Jake knocked on Amy’s door and waited for Amy to open it. He had texted her when he left Terry’s to tell her that they needed to talk. Jake rocked back and forth on his feet until the door swung open and he quickly walked inside. 

“What’s up?” Amy asked as Jake sat down on her couch making himself at home. She walked to her fridge and grabbed a can of Orangina before heading back to the couch and handing it to him.

“Thanks.” Jake said opening the can even though Orangina was disgusting. “So I had to go and talk to Terry today.”

“I know.” Amy said. Jake looked at her puzzled for a second. How could she have known. “My dad recommended to Charles that you and Sophia see him.”

“What?” Jake asked. “Why? And why are you just now telling me this?”

“After dinner with Teddy I overheard them talking about you. They think that you’re a flight risk.”

“Why though?” Jake asked. “I haven’t talked to your parents since like senior year.”

“That may be on me. Don’t be mad but I kind of asked them about Holt and Cozner and they may have figured out that you were the one who told me about them. It’s not that big of a deal though, as long as everything went smoothly with Terry.”

“Terry was fine. I had to lie my ass off but I think that everything is good there. Why did you ask your dad about them though?” Jake asked laughing slightly. “I mean in what world was that a good idea?”

“Shut up.” Amy said hitting in the arm trying to get him to stop laughing. “I wasn’t thinking. I wanted to know more about them and my dad has to know. It came out before I even thought about what they were going to think.”

“Still don’t understand why they think that I told you.” 

“Come on Jake.” Amy said. “You were like an open book in highschool. Everyone in that whole school knew you were in love with me.”

“I was not in love with you!” Jake protested even though he was for sure lying. 

“Yeah cause I know a lot of highschool boys who will paint a girl’s toe nails with absolutely no intention of dating them.”

“Okay the toenail thing happened one time, you have to let it go.”

“No.” Amy said smiling at him with a devious grin. “I refuse. Cause honestly you’re better at painting nails than I’ve ever been.” There was a knock at the door that startled them both. When Jake looked back at Amy he could see fear in her eyes. She quickly got off her couch. “You’re here as just a friend remember.” She whispered at him.

Jake stood up off the couch and shrugged on his jacket as Amy opened the door. Teddy was standing on the other side smiling holding a bag of take out. “Teddy!” Amy exclaimed in a voice that would sound happy to anyone else, but Jake knew otherwise. 

“Hey!” Teddy said. “I got food for-” He stopped when he saw Jake who began walking to the door. “Us.” he finished. “Sorry I didn’t realize that you had company.”

“Oh no, it’s fine.” Amy said. “Jake was just leaving.” Teddy walked into the apartment and made his way into the kitchen.

“Alright well I’ll see you later.” Jake said. 

“Yep.” Amy said back before mouthing ‘sorry’

‘It’s fine.’ Jake mouthed back. ‘Hate you’. Amy only smiled as Jake turned and walked down the hall. He could’ve mouthed the actual words but at this point he had gotten so used to saying hate that anything other than that just felt unnatural.

\---------------

Jake walked into his apartment and headed back to his bedroom to change into clothes that were more comfortable. When he got to his room though he was surprised to see Sophia sitting on his bed. “Hello Jacob.” She said with no smile.

“Hello.” Jake said back sounding far more uncomfortable than he meant to. “How did you uh. Get in here?” 

“It wasn’t that hard.” Sophia said back. “Seems pretty stupid for a cop to leave a key under his doormat but I guess I should’ve known.” 

Jake nodded back “Cool Cool Cool Cool, you just broke into my apartment no big deal.”

“Except it is a big deal isn’t it?” Sophia asked. “Cause you didn’t exactly have time to do a sweep of the place for anything that I may find.”

“What are you talking about?” Jake asked. 

Sophia in response held up a pair of red underwear. “These aren’t mine.”

Jake opened his mouth to say something, anything. He racked his brain for some explanation as to why these were laying on his bedroom floor. Some reason other than that Amy had been there two nights ago. “I don’t know whose these are.” Jake said scrunching up his face. There had to have been some better answer than that. 

“Oh we both know that there Amy Santiago’s.” Sophia said. 

“What?” Jake asked her. “Sophia don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not.” She said. “I don’t know what you and Terry talked about during your private session, but the only thing that he asked me was about your relationship with Amy. I thought that you guys were just friends but the more I started talking about it the more it all made sense. All the late work nights and going out with ‘friends’.”

She rolled her eyes. “How could I be so stupid?” She asked. “We don’t live together like all the other matches cause that would interfere with you sleeping with her. We haven’t talked about marriage and children because that’s not something you want to do.”

Jake opened his mouth to try and say something but was silenced by her. “It’s fine. I don’t really want to do those things with you either. I have no interest in marrying you. Or having kids with you.” She said before getting up. “But I am not going to die or be sent to the colonies because you made a careless mistake.” He watched her walk out of his bedroom and then he heard his apartment door slam shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the timing is all over the place. I haven't really gotten a chance to go back and make sure that everything is consistent


	11. I Think We Were Cursed From The Start

“Have a great day!” Amy said handing the customer her bag full of books. The girl smiled and nodded before heading out the door. The bell hanging above the door chimed when the door was opened. “Hi! Welcome to A New Chapter!” Amy shouted before looking over. When she did, she could feel the blood in her veins freeze. 

Sophia was heading straight towards her with a look of determination in her eyes. Sophia made it to the counter where she stopped the look of anger never leaving her eyes. “I believe these belong to you.” Sophia said before handing Amy a pair of red underwear. Amy looked at them dangling in Sophia’s hands for a second before remembering why she had them. Amy grabbed them out her hand as fast as she could.

“Wow.” Sophia said with a cruel laugh. “So you’re not going to even try to deny that there yours like Jake did.” She made an exerageted point to roll her eyes. “I should’ve know that there was something going on between you two. The way he looks at you and lights up when you walk into a room. God this is so highschool like.” Sophia said throwing her arms in the air. “How long has it been going on?” Sophia asked the anger returning to her voice. 

“Um.” Amy said shaking her head wanting so bad to shrink down and not have this conversation.

“Um is not an answer.” Sophia said cleary not letting go. “I want to know how long you’ve been fucking my boyfriend.” It was weird for Amy to hear Sophia call Jake her boyfriend. Boyfriend was never something that Amy had called Teddy. She had had boyfriends before but that wasn't what Teddy was. He was just her match. 

“Maybe four months.” Amy screamed even though that she knew it was exactly four months two weeks and four days since when they had gotten together. Every single one of those days better than the last. 

“Four months.” Sophia said in half shock. “Four months that I’ve been unhappy with someone who didn’t even want to be with me.” She shook her head and laughed a little making Amy far more uncomfortable than she thought that she could be. “It doesn't matter. You two are done. If I ever find out that you slept with him again or that you’re coming by his apartment at night to ‘hang out’ so help me God I will go straight to the police. I’ll make sure that the two you are hanging on the wall with all the others.” Sophia then rested her arms on the counter and leaned up closer to Amy before whispering. “He’s mine and I don’t want you to ever forget that.” With that she walked out of the bookstore. 

The second the door chimes announced that she was gone the tears sprang to Amy’s eyes. There was no one else in the store so she didn’t even try to stop the sobs that escaped from the back of her phone. With shaky hands she texted Jake and told him they needed meet. 

\-----------

Amy sat on her couch, her leg shaking with nerves while she waited for him to show up. When he knocked on her door she nearly jumped out of her skin. Quickly she opened it for him and he came in and threw himself down on the couch. “I know what you’re going to say.” he said before she had a chance to even say hello. “And before you do, please, Ames I’m begging you, let’s leave it all behind. Forget about all of this. Please. They can write our names in history books, say that we were the ones that got away.”

Amy sat down next to him on her couch. “I-I can’t” Amy said her heart breaking at the desperation in his voice and the sadness in his eyes. “I can’t leave everything behind.” she swallowed hard trying to stop herself from saying something she might regret. Something like 'Yes Jake, I go. Let's leave tonight.' But atlas all she could say was “I can’t leave my family Jake.” 

Jake looked down at the floor even though she could still see the sadness in his eyes. “I can’t not be with you.” he said. “Especially now that I know what it’s like.”

Amy reached out and grabbed his hand. “I know.” She said. He looked back up at her and she wished more than anything that she was brave enough to say yes. But here she was saying no, falling back into old patterns, staying with something that was safe but didn’t make her happy. Jake was a risk but he made her happier than she had ever been. “I can’t leave everything behind though. There is so much here, people that I’m not willing to lose.”

“Maybe I’m not willing to lose you.” Jake countered and if Amy didn’t know any better she would say that there was a tint of anger to his voice. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You haven’t lost me before.” Amy said 

Jake scoffed at that. “Amy, I’ve lost you so many times that I’ve lost track.” Jake said. “In highschool when I should’ve kissed you. When you started dating William in high school. In college when you started dating Lucas. When you got matched with Teddy. The list just goes on and I’m tired of adding to it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” Amy said to him. “You said that you wouldn’t hold it against me if I decided that we couldn’t do this. You said that things could go back to normal. You said that there were no hard feelings if I decided to not runaway with you. But it feels like the exact opposite right now.”

“All of that is true. It’s just hard because this isn’t fair.”

“None of this is fucking fair.” Amy shouted at him the anger rising in her voice. Although it wasn’t directed at him. “I found a guy who I like and yet I’m not allowed to be with him. I have to be with someone who I don’t want to be with all because some numbers on a computer said that we were good for each other. How am I supposed to choose between you and my family? On what planet is that fair?”

“It’s not.” Jake said quietly. “This is all my fault.” He said and Amy swore that she could see a tear forming in the corner of his eye. “If I had just looked around my room one time before leaving the house none of this would’ve happened. And I wouldn’t be losing you again.”

Amy sat down next to him. She put her head down and tried herself to not cry. “It’s not your fault.” She said. “It’s just a tragic flaw of design, it was bound to happen.” her voice finally gave up and cracked. At this point there was no use in hiding the tears so she let them fall down her cheeks. Jake looked at her and the tears in her eyes made her cry even harder. He reached up and wiped the tear of her cheek with his thumb before pulling her into his arms. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered over and over again as he ran a hand through her hair. Her tears were probably soaking through his shirt, but his were hitting the top of her head so she guessed that they were even. 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Jake said his voice also betraying him and cracking. “I’m going to miss you so much.” 

“We can still be friends.” Amy said.

“Yeah.” Jake agreed. “But that’s never going to be enough for me.”

“Me neither.” Amy whispered pulling back enough to look at him. She leaned forward and hoped that he wouldn’t pull away when she pressed her lips to his. He ran his finger through her hair while kissing her back. It wasn’t passionate, wasn’t desperate. It was tender, sweet. A kiss where you knew that it was the last one. Where you knew that you weren’t going to be able to do this for the rest of your life. Where you knew that there wasn’t a forever. It was just right now. That was it. And when it was done, it was done. 

Amy rested her forehead against hers. They both were silently crying while looking into each others eyes. Not saying anything but somehow saying everything. “I hate you.” Amy whispered as if she was afraid to say the words.

“I hate you too.” Jake said before getting up off the couch. He walked to the door and hesitated in the doorway. “I’ll uh-” he said clearing his throat. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Amy said sadly watching him leave her apartment and shutting the door behind her. As soon as the door was shut she threw herself down on the couch and sobbed into the pillow. She cried for all the memories they had. All the times where she felt like her heart was going to explode for how much she loved him. She cried for all the things that they would never have. She would never get to walk down the aisle and see him standing under the altar. Never be able to say that he is her husband. Never have little kids that were part him part her. So many things that she had spent her whole life dreaming about just walked out the door with him.

\----------

The next night Amy was laying on her couch flipping through channels trying not to wonder what Jake was doing. They had to break up, there was no way around it. Her phone sitting on the coffee table began to vibrate taking her out of her thoughts. The screen was lit up with a picture of Charles.

Amy cleared her throat before answering the call. She didn’t want Charles to know that she had been crying, he may ask why and she didn’t have a valid reason. “Hello?” Amy asked praying her voice sounded better than did.

“Amy!” Charles exclaimed far too loud. “I’m so glad that I caught you. I was worried that maybe you would be out or something.” Amy didn’t say anything just waited for him to continue talking. “Anyways, Teddy wants to go on a date tonight. To the River Cafe. He has specifically requested that you wear the yellow dress that you wore on your last date.” Amy squeezed her eyes shut trying not to cry. “Do you know which one I’m talking about.”

“Yes.” Amy said refraning herself from saying ‘it’s Jake’s favorite dress.’ Was Jake’s favorite dress she reminded herself.

“Great!” Charles exclaimed. “Well I hope that you two have a great night!” The line on the other end went dead and Amy sat there with the phone still up to her ear. The River Cafe? That was where her parents took her when she graduated college, gorgeous view of the city, great food, it must have been impossible to get in. Amy checked her watch once before deciding that she should probably get dressed.

Pulling the dress of it’s hanger brought out all sorts of emotions that she just wasn't ready to deal with. Amy wanted nothing more than to call him up and say to screw everything. But it wasn’t the right choice. She couldn’t leave everything behind. 

The restaurant was busy but it was easy to catch Teddy’s eye at the back of the restaurant. He had a table in the corner that had a gorgeous view. Amy made her way to him and smiled politely as she sat down. “You look beautiful.” Teddy said to her and Amy tried to give a genuine smile it felt fake but based on Teddy’s smile he seemed to buy it. 

After the waiter took their order Teddy reached across the table and took both of her hands in his. “So I’ve been thinking a lot about our future since we left your parents.” Teddy started and Amy immediately felt her heart rate double in speed. “After talking with your dad and brothers for so long I realized what I needed to do.”

Teddy let go of her hand and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled his hand out holding a small black box. Amy watched as he got up and kneeled in front of her on the ground. “I have never felt more lucky in my entire life then I did when your face appeared on that screen eight months ago.” Teddy said. Amy could feel the tears beginning to prick in her eyes. Everyone in the restaurant, who was definitely staring, probably thought that she couldn’t be happier. But in reality she was trying to remember how to breathe. “Amy Santiago will you do me the honor of becoming Amy Wells.

Her heart screamed no, but apparently her brain didn’t get the memo. It was an out of body experience hearing her own voice say yes. The tears continued to fall down her cheeks as Teddy placed the ring on her finger. When he leaned into to kiss her, the entire world stopped. She was going to have to marry Teddy so now there was no reason for the Earth to continue to spin on its axis. Everything was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!!!! But I promise if you stay with it for just a few chapters it will be worth it :)


	12. I'm Feeling Down About This Love

Jake laid in bed staring at the ceiling. The only thought on his mind was her. Nothing in life was fair. That’s what his mother had told him his whole life, but right now it felt like a personal attack. He didn’t get a father, didn’t get siblings, didn’t get his dream girl. Did he ever get anything? When was it going to be his turn to win for once?

Jake reached across his bed and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. The bright light illuminated the dark room making him squint his eyes. His thumb hesitated between two names for a second before hitting one. He held the phone up to his ear and listened to the steady ringing.

It was late enough that he was surprised when she picked up. “What?” She asked sounding far more alert than he felt. “Do you know what time it is?”

“I’m sorry.” Jake said his voice coming across sleep deprived. “I needed to talk.” He could hear the sound of a woman laughing in the background. It must have been Rosa. Cause Gina was actually happy with Rosa. 

“Okay. One second.” Gina said. Jake could hear her saying something to Rosa, but it was muffled and hard to make out. “Okay what?” Gina asked after a second.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this.” Jake said. “I could be in so much trouble, but I just need someone to talk to. I need someone on my side.”

“Stop being so dramatic Pineapples. What did you like cheat on Sophia or something?” Gina asked laughing. Jake was silent on the other end. “No.” Gina said after a second sounding like she was in complete shock. “Jake no.” She said again.

“Yeah.” Jake said weakly.

“Why?” Gina asked. “Why would you do that? They can kill you!” Gina exclaimed into her phone.

“I’m sorry that not everyone is as happy as you and Rosa.” Jake said anger rising in his voice.

“Jake.” Gina said. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just kind of a lot to process. Why would you do that?”

“I don't like Sophia. I mean she's not a terrible person, but I don't love her. ” Jake said bluntly. “I didn’t see it working out, I wasn’t happy with her. I am so tired of not being happy.”

“Were you happy with this other girl?” Gina asked. 

Jake was quiet for a second trying to swallow the urge to curl up in a bawl and cry his eyes out. “Yeah.” He said. “I was. She made me happier than I’ve felt in a long time.”

“Who is it? Who's the girl?”

“I don’t know if I should say.” Jake said. “I really shouldn’t even be telling you. You know that if this all comes out you could be called to testify?”

“I’ll just say that I had no idea. Lying is second nature to me. I want to know who the girl is.” When Jake went quiet again Gina added “Don’t make me come over there.”

“You know her.” Jake said. “And I think that she would be pretty pissed off if she found out that I told you.” 

“I know her?” Gina questioned. Jake could almost hear the wheel turning in her head before she gasped out loud. “Amy? You slept with Amy Santiago.”

“Could you keep your voice down?” Jake hissed into his phone. “I heard Rosa out there.”

“She’s not listening, she’s watching Queer Eye, we’ve got a solid forty five minutes.” Gina said. “I can’t believe that you got her to break the rules for you. I mean she is textbook rule follower. Plus her dad created this whole system, that’s like an extra f-u to him.”

“It doesn't matter how I got her, because whatever it was, it wasn’t enough to keep her.” Jake said trying to keep the tears in his eyes and to stop his voice from cracking. The underlying words although not said out loud were there. He wasn’t good enough for her. 

“She broke up with you?” Gina asked and there was even a sadness in her voice that Jake had not expected to hear.

“It was a mutual decision.” Jake said. It wasn’t a complete lie. He knew that it wasn’t going to be able to go on the way it was. But he was still hoping for a different ending. One where she said yes to his offer to run away together.

“I’m sorry.” Gina said. There was a pause before she continued. “At least now you don’t have to worry about getting caught and them killing you I guess.”

“I wasn’t worried about that before.” Jake said entirely too casually for what he was referring to. “I would’ve died for her a thousand times if I could’ve.” 

“You loved her didn’t you?” 

“Big time.”

There was a sound on the other end of the line and Gina went real quiet “Jake I gotta go. Rosa must’ve decided that she was bored with the episode or something.” There was another pause “Promise you won’t do anything stupid.”

Now it was Jake’s turn to be quiet. Gina said his name once into the phone before he promised that he wouldn't. As soon as he made it, he knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to keep it. Not when Amy was in the mix. So after Gina hung up the phone, he put his back on the charger and prayed to God that he would be able to fall asleep. But like everything else, God seems to be playing some cruel game on him. As he stayed awake all night watching his alarm clock count down minutes until the annoying chimes would ring. 

\------------

Amy went home that night to her oddly empty apartment with a new ring on her finger. The second the door closed behind her she slipped the ring off her finger. Making her way into her bedroom she put it in her jewelry box. She didn’t have to wear it if there was no one around. Her apartment was quiet almost uncomfortably so. To the point where she understood what people meant when they say that the silence is deafening.

She stayed where she was, standing in front of jewellery box, not sure what to do. She wanted to call him. All she wanted to do was talk to him, but it wasn’t a good idea. Finally her eyes landed on her closet and her mind was made up. Quickly she found herself on her bedroom floor moving through clothes trying to find the sweatshirt he had left over once.

Eventually she found it buried underneath a bunch of other folded shirts. He didn’t even know that she had kept it. In the morning when he went to retrieve it, it wasn’t on the floor where he left it. Ultimately he ended up leaving and forgetting all about. So it stayed hidden in Amy’s closet until this moment. 

She hugged it to her, inhaling the smell of his cologne. And just like that she felt a thousand times better, but also somehow a thousand times worse. She missed him like crazy, she never knew it was possible to miss a person this much. Maybe this is what real heartbreak feels like she thought as the tears began to fall down her cheeks and hit the sweatshirt. 

After a minute she pulled it over head. It was two sizes two large on her, but it was comfortable and made her feel closer to him. She sat down on her couch sinking into the cushions. The tv playing quietly in the background while she remembered sitting here with Jake. Everywhere she looked was a memory she so desperately wanted to forget. Not because she didn't enjoy them. That was the problem, she loved every single one of them. And it was hard to sit here in her apartment and not feel like she made a mistake. Maybe she did.

There was a knock on the door startling her. She quickly got off the couch and looked through the peephole to see both of her parents standing on the other side of the door. She then took off running towards her bedroom peeling off the NYPD sweatshirt on the way. She threw it in her closet and tried to bury it to the best of her ability. Her parents knocked again as she put on a shirt of her own. “Coming!” She shouted.

When she opened the door both her parents greeted her with large smiles. “Congratulations!” Her mother exclaimed pulling her into a big hug. 

“Thanks.” Amy said weakly. When her mother let go, her father pulled her into a hug.

“I can’t believe my little girl’s getting married.” He said with a smile when he pulled back. Her mother settled on the couch and her father sat down next to her. “Teddy’s great. He’s going to make an excellent husband.”

“Yeah.” Amy said sitting down in one of her chairs. 

“So much planning to do. So many binders to be made.” Her father said her voice laced in excitement.

“Yeah” Amy said again not really sure what else to say.

“So.” her mother said. “Let’s see the ring.” Amy glanced down at her hand immediately panicking. She had taken it off and in a rush to hide the sweatshirt forgot to put it back on.

“Uh.” Amy said trying to come up with an answer as to why she was not wearing her brand new engagement ring. She was supposed to be happy, showing it off to everyone. “I put it in my jewelry box, didn’t want to sleep in it.”

“Huh.” her dad remarked before turning to face his wife. “When we got engaged that thing never left your finger.” If it was Jake’s ring, it never would’ve left her finger, but she can’t say that. 

“I didn't want to lose it or risk anything happening to it.” Amy said trying to cover her lie with another lie. 

Her mother nodded it clearly buying it, but her father seemed a little skeptical. “Are you happy with him?” he asked.

Amy ran her tongue over her teeth once before answering “Of course why wouldn’t I be? Teddy’s great.” She hoped that it sounded believable. 

Her father nodded before looking down at his watch. “We should get going. It’s getting late.” 

Amy watched her parents stand up from the couch and make their way to the door. “Would it matter if I wasn’t happy?” Amy asked all of a sudden as her father’s hand touched the doorknob. Once again there was that deafening silence. It was a stupid question to ask but she wanted to know.

“Of course it would matter if you weren’t happy.” Her mother said with a look of concern on her face. “Are you not happy with Teddy? You can tell us.” 

Amy didn’t say anything waiting for her father’s response. He had a contemplating look in his eyes, and Amy felt her throat go dry. She regretted asking. She should’ve just let them walk out the door. But instead she opened a whole new can of worms. “It’s Jake isn’t it?” he asked after a moment. 

“Amy honey.” Her mom started. “Is there someone else? We can fix it if there is, but we need to know the full story.” Amy looked over at her dad who was shooting daggers at her. 

“No. There’s no one else.” Amy said. “I’m no involved with Jake. That would be...stupid” She said. 

“Then why did you ask? Are you not happy with Teddy?” her father asked her.

Amy opened her mouth to start to say something about him boring and not wanting to marry him, but then she decided better. “I am, I just think it’s going to take more getting used to then I thought. I guess that there just wasn’t that initial spark that I’ve always imagined.” She didn’t have to imagine it with Jake. The way he looked at her made her heart flutter in such a way that she swore he was probably going to kill her. 

“That’s understandable.” Her father said. “Not everyone does feel an initial spark with their match, but that’s just something you’ve got to work through. Eventually you will grow to love and lean on Teddy as he will you.”

Her mother nodded in agreement. “Plus once you have kids everything will change. You’ll see this little child that’s part you part them and you’ll understand just how much you love him.” Amy felt nauseous about the idea of having Teddy’s child, but she swallowed those nerves and waited for either one of them to say something. Her mom looked back down at her watch. “We should go. You’ve probably got to get up early in the morning. Also I’m sure that you want to call Teddy.”

“Yeah.” Amy said with a small smile. “I’ll see you guys later.” She said as they walked out of her apartment closing the door behind her. The second the door closed back she retreated to her bedroom and pulled the sweatshirt out from where she had hid it. Pulling it back on, she laid in bed and fell asleep in the smell of his cologne mixed with his aftershave.

\---------

Jake was walking down the street, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He shouldn’t be here, that’s all there was to it. Yet he kept gravitating back to her building. He had paced the block at least three times, he probably looked like a stalker. Then again this was New York, so no ones probably noticed him.

He wanted to go in there and talk to her. All he wanted to do was knock on her door and beg her to run away with him. They could make it work, he was sure of it. Yet she had said no and he needed to respect her decision. He was trying, he was really trying, but it was getting harder and harder. 

His mind was playing a cruel trick on him, telling him that she never loved him to begin with. If she loved him she would’ve ran away with him. At night he would lay awake staring at the ceiling convinced that he had imagined the whole thing. He would conjure up an image of Amy laying happily next to Teddy. There had never been any late night drives in the middle of nowhere all the windows down, no dancing under the stars. It was all just one vivid dream.

He paced up and down the block again before finally going into the building. There was no plan whatsoever. He couldn’t ask her to run away with him again. She would say no and he would be crushed again. All he wanted to do was talk to her. It didn’t have to be about them, he just wanted to have a conversation with her. Hear her voice, even if it wasn’t saying the words he wanted to hear. 

He hesitated in the lobby at the elevator banks. This was such a bad idea but wasn’t that what Jake Peralta did best? So he reached out and hit the elevator button. Just as he did the elevator chimed and the doors opened up and out walked Teddy. Jake closed his eyes for a second and prayed to a God that he wasn’t sure he believed in that Teddy wouldn’t recognize him. But once again God failed him as Teddy called out his name. “Hey Jake!” Teddy exclaimed far too happily. “How’s it going man?”

“Not bad.” Jake said. 

“Great. Whatcha doing here?” 

“Oh I’m uh doing door duty.” Jake said and he was rather impressed with himself for that lie that he had to pull out of nowhere. 

Teddy nodded. “Has Amy told you the big news?” He asked excitedly.

“Uh no.” Jake said the back of his neck starting to sweat. Deep down he knew exactly what Teddy was going to say next. Yet it still hit him like a pile of bricks.

“Oh. That’s surprising, I would’ve thought that you would’ve been the first one that she told. You two seem pretty close.” Teddy just shrugged his shoulders. “Any way, we got engaged the other night.”

Jake felt the walls of the large lobby begin to close in on him. She agreed to marry him? Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. No doubt. No doubt. “That’s great man!” Jake lied. “Congratulations.” That wasn’t a lie. There was something to congratulate if he was getting to marry Amy. He looked down at the ground for a second trying to remember how to breathe. Was it two in and one out? No that doesn't sound right. Maybe it was one in and two out. “Well I should get going.” Jake said looking back up.

“Yeah me too.” Teddy said. “It was nice seeing you.”

“You too.” Jake said as he watched Teddy walk away. Once Teddy was out of the lobby, Jake made his way out of the building scraping his plans to talk to Amy right now.

\--------

“Can we meet for coffee?” Amy texted Jake one morning while staring at the ring still sitting on her dresser. She had to put it on, people would get suspicious if she wasn't wearing it. She slipped it on her finger and grimaced looking down at it. Her phone sitting on the nightstand buzzed with a message from Jake. “Sure.” it read. So Amy left her apartment and headed to the normal place. 

When she got there, she could see that Jake was already sitting at their usual table in the back. Amy hesitated outside the door suddenly regretting texting him. She wasn’t strong enough to do this. How was she supposed to sit across from him and not touch him. So close yet so far. She looked down at her hand one more time, the ring still sitting on her finger. Quickly she pulled it off and slipped into the pocket of her purse hoping that no one saw. After a deep breathe she walked into the cafe and made her way to the back table. “Hey.” She said when he was in ear shot. She was surprised to see that he had ordered her coffee for her. She shouldn’t have been, that was everything Jake was, thoughtful and caring. 

“Hi.” Jake said as she sat down across from him. “How are you?” He asked. 

“I’m fine.” Amy said. “How are you?”

“Good. Great. You know just chillin.” Jake said scrunching up his eyebrows. “So uh what did you want to talk about?” He asked.

“Nothing in particular.” Amy said. “I just wanted to talk.” She stopped herself from saying that she missed him. There was this voice in her head that convinced her this would be easier if she pretend it never even happened. It was one strange dream. How could she have been in love with Jake Peralta? But then she sits across from him in a coffee shop and it all comes back, just a little to clearly. Of course she loved him, how could she not love someone who went out of their way to make sure it was happy. Bringing her coffee in the morning before his shift at work, showing up at her house with Dairy Queen ice cream when he knew that she had a rough day. Of course she loved him and there was no point in denying it. She just couldn't do anything about it. Damn feelings. 

“I don’t know if I can just talk Amy.” Jake said to her. Hearing him call her Amy again hurt. She was just Amy to him now, no longer Ames, or baby, which she originally hated but had grown to actually not mind.

Amy looked down at the table not feeling brave enough to look in his eyes. She was scared to death that she would see the hurt she knew she caused. She pursed her lips and took a deep breath before continuing to speak. “You were like my best friend Jake. I know that things have changed. Believe me I know that.” She said with a bitter laugh. “But I can’t not talk to you. I need you.”

“I heard that you got engaged.” Jake said which was definitely not the response that Amy had expected. She set her hands on the table showing off her completely bare hands. She wanted him to know that she was considerate, that she was hurting too. Even if she was newly “Engaged”.

“Who told you?” She asked.

“The man himself.” Jake said coldly.

“I’m sorry.” Amy whispered. “You know that I had to say yes. Do you know how suspicious that would’ve looked if I said no?”

“It’s fine Amy.” He said, she wanted so badly to tell him to stop calling her that. “I guess that I’m just a little pissed that I didn’t hear it from you first. Aren’t friends supposed to tell each other stuff like that?”

“Yes.” Amy said. “But I didn’t know how. Look.” She whispered. “I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since I’ve gotten that stupid ring.” the look of sadness that crossed his face made her want to cry for him. “How was I supposed to tell the man that I love that I was engaged to another man?” Amy asked not even realizing what she had said. 

“You love me?” Jake whispered. 

Amy cheeks grew bright red. She hadn’t ever said the real word before, and even now that they weren’t together there was so much danger in saying it out loud. “Yeah I do.”

“I’ve gotta go.” Jake said all of a sudden. “I shouldn’t have agreed to do this.” He said as he stood up from the table. “I’ll uh see you around I guess.” he said before quickly turning his back and leaving her sitting alone in the coffee shop.

\----------

Later that night Amy laid on her couch replaying the event of earlier in her head. How she confessed her love and he just got up and walked away. He had said that he loved her before and they said that they hated each other more times than she could count. So why did he get so weird about it?

She drafted what felt like the fifty text message to him that tonight before deciding that she was just going to go over there. He owed her an explanation. After everything they’ve been through, they should be able to talk this out. This entire thing was his idea, and if he hadn’t talked her into it, she wouldn’t be hurting right now. It was easy to blame him, even though truth be told it was always going to be him for her. 

Amy knocked on his door once and taped her foot waiting for him to open it. A million different ways to start this argument going through her brain. She didn’t want to fight with him, but knowing him there was going to be a fight before they got to what the real issue was. 

The door opened up and Jake looked at her with a shocked face “What are you doing here?” he whispered.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier.” Amy said 

“Can it wait?” He whispered back but it was too late. 

“Are you sure that you don’t want to just order take out?” Amy heard Sophia ask as she walked into the kitchen and all a sudden she recognized the look of panic in his eyes. “Oh!” Sophia said when she saw Amy standing in the doorway “Amy’s here. How lovely.”

“I was just leaving. I just had to drop something off.” she said before quickly turning and leaving. As she walked down the hall she could feel Jake’s eyes on her until the door shut.

\----------

It was one am when she worked up the nerve to call him. She had spent the last three hours laying in bed imagining him laying with Sophia. It hurt her heart to think about it too much. So she called him, if for no other reason to find out if he was with her or not. 

He picked up on the first ring, which she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I miss you.” Was the first thing she said into the phone, not even giving him a chance to say hello.

It was quiet on the other end and Amy closed her eyes praying that Sophia wasn’t lying there next to him and that’s why he wasn’t saying anything. Finally after what felt like forever she heard him take a deep breathe. “I miss you too. So much.” He added and she found herself sighing a breath of relief. 

“I’m sorry that I came over today. That was stupid.” 

“I think that I’m the one who owes you an apology.” Jake replied. “I shouldn’t have left you today. That was a dick move.” he laughed slightly into his phone and Amy found herself smiling despite all of this. “I think that it just got to be too much.”

“Tell me about it.” Amy agreed. “Was Sophia pissed?” 

“Surprisingly no.” Jake said. “It was kind of strange actually, she didn't even comment on it.”

“Well that’s good I guess.” Amy said. 

“Yeah.” Jake said. “This sucks. I wish that I was with you right now.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Amy replied smiling a sad smile to herself. She would’ve given anything to have him laying right next to her right now. “I still have that sweatshirt that you thought you had lost.” She said looking down at the huge sweatshirt on her. 

Jake was quiet on the other end and Amy would’ve given anything to know what he was thinking. Hell she would’ve given anything to see his face right now. “I figured that you had kept it. Things don’t exactly just disappear in your apartment.” he said laughing a little. “You can keep it. I bet it looks better on you than it did me anyway.” 

“I doubt it.” Amy said back. There was a moment of silence where neither knew exactly what to say. Amy listened carefully to the sound of him breathing coming through the tiny speaker on her phone. She wanted so badly to press her head against his chest and listen to his heart beat, but she couldn’t. “I didn’t think that it was possible to miss someone so much. My heart actually aches.”

Jake laughed but she knew that he didn’t really think it was funny. “When I saw you walk into that coffee shop today I swear I felt mine stop.” Now it was Amy’s turn to laugh. “I just can’t stop imagining the life that we could’ve had.”

Amy was quiet as his words sunk in. “Tell me about it?” She whispered almost afraid to ask. Maybe she was prying into his private thoughts and he would be upset at her for not respecting his privacy.

Luckily Jake snapped her out of thoughts when he started talking. “Well for starters we would’ve ran away together. In a perfect world we would’ve been matches, but things never seem to work out in my favor.” Amy didn’t say anything as she waited for him to continue. “So we would run away together, maybe make it to Montana or Wyoming. I’ve seen pictures from up there and I swear that it’s got some of the most gorgeous landscapes in the country.”

“I could do Montana. The cold never bothered me.”

“If you’re trying to make a frozen reference, then kudos to you.” Jake said laughing and this time she could tell that he really mean it. “But we would go out there probably in the middle of nowhere. I don’t maybe there’s some town where we could pretend to be each other matches. We would buy a bunch of land in the valley of a mountain. Build a beautiful cabin, you know like the ones you see in the movies?”

“You mean the ones where people always get murdered at?” Amy asked smiling to herself. 

“Yeah!” Jake exclaimed. “You know which ones I’m talking about. We would start each morning curled up in bed, you would try to get up to go make breakfast, but I would always be able to talk you into staying.”

“And how would you do that?” Amy asked with amusement in her voice even though she knew the answer.

“Sexy timez of course.” Jake said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “You would protest at first, but even you can’t resist this charm.” Amy could practically hear his cocky smirk through the phone. “When the snow begins to fall in the early morning, we could lay in bed curled up in each other. At night we could cuddle up by the open flame fire pit.”

“Wow so you’ve really thought through this.” Amy remarked stunned by his attention to detail.

“Oh big time. Works been a little slow lately. Also it’s all I think about, but moving on!” Jake said. “Eventually we would have kids, a little girl, I’ve always liked the name Isabel or Emma. She would be completely perfect. She’s definitely got your eyes, but her hair is curly like mine. When she gets older we would take her and buy pumpkins to carve in the fall. Obviously we would carve it for her, but her little eyes would light up and the face on the pumpkin. On Christmas morning there would be a ton of snow on the Montana ground. Outside it would be freezing, but our cabin would be nice and toasty as we watch our daughter open her presents. If she’s like you, it will take hours as she carefully unfolds the wrapping paper and makes a detailed list of everything that she’s gotten from Santa. If she's like me we'll be sitting there for ten minutes while she opens, before we have to deal with the two hours of crying.”

“Isn’t she like two years old?” Amy asked laughing. “I don’t think a two year old is going to make a detailed list.”

“I was making fun of you. And I guarantee that our daughter would when she gets older.” Jake said. “Maybe after three or four years we would have a son, I like the name Isaac. Isabel would be thrilled to have a little brother. When he’s like three she would dress him up in girl’s clothes and put makeup on him. You would yell at her for using your expensive makeup while secretly loving how funny Isaac looks. When Izzy turns five I would try to show her Die Hard and you would yell at me about how it’s not kid appropriate.”

“It’s not.” Amy said. “I can’t believe you would try to show Izzy that.”

“Is exactly what you would say.” Jake said laughing. “See my story is dead accurate if a couple of tiny things were different.”

Amy laughed “Anything else?”

“Oh I don’t know.” Jake said trailing off. “How much time you got?” Amy laughed at him. “I don’t know Ames, this whole thing is just so fucked up.”

Amy smiled to herself hearing him call her Ames again. “I know.” She whispered. “I’m sorry that I said yes to Teddy. I really didn’t want to.”

“It’s okay.” Jake said. “You had to. You were right, it would’ve been weird if you said not.”

“Yeah.” Amy agreed trying to hold back a yawn.

“You sound tired.” Jake said probably hearing the yawn that she couldn't keep in on the phone. “I should let you go.” 

“Or you can stay on the phone and we can both just like fall asleep.” Just then Jake hung up the phone. Amy furrowed her eyebrows together slightly pissed that he didn't even bother saying goodbye. Before she could get too mad though, she heard her laptop ringing from in the kitchen. When she headed in there she saw that he was trying to Skype her. She quickly accepted the call and watched his pixelated face appear on the screen. “I thought that you had just hung up on me.” Amy said trying to sound ticked at him.

“Oh come on, you know I would never hang up without saying goodnight at least.” Amy carried the laptop back to her bedroom where she set it down on her bed. “I see that you’re wearing my sweatshirt.” Jake commented.

Amy blushed even though there really was no reason to. “Yeah.” She said sheepishly. “I like it.” 

Jake looked down and it was probably too dark to tell but she swore that even his cheeks were a little more pink than usual. “It looks good on you, just like I said. You should go to sleep though.” He said. “Don’t you have to be up early in the morning.”

“Yeah.” Amy said laying down and adjusting the laptop so that she could still see him. “So do you though.” 

“I know.” Jake said and she watched as he laid down in his bed to. “Night Ames.” 

“Good night.” Amy said back watching him on her screen. “I’ll never hate him as much as I hate you” She whispered but she knew that he heard her. 

“And I’ll never hate her as much as I hate you.” He responded. She watched a puzzled look cross over his face before he added. “I love you so much.” 

Amy closed her eyes for a second trying to remember everything about the way his voice sounded and the look in his eyes. Before finally adding “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was way longer then I intended it to be but hopefully it was good :)


	13. If Our Grave Was Watered By The Rain, Would Roses Bloom Again?

**One month later**

Jake bounced the take out food on his hip while he dug through his pocket to find Sophia’s key. She had given it to him earlier on in their “relationship.” He absolutely hated the fact that he had it. She had even guilted him into giving her one after the incident. He figured it was easier to give her a key than to have the “Why aren’t we moving in together fight.” 

He eventually found the key and put it in the door knob before turning. The only reason he was here was because Charles pretty much forced him; saying that the two of them weren’t spending enough time together. Charles didn’t know that they weren’t spending time together because they hated to be in each other’s presence. It was mutual at this point. 

Once inside her apartment he put the food down on the table. “Sophia?” He called but there was no response. He could hear her back in her bedroom, so he just decided to set the food out on plates. It took him longer than it should’ve to find where she kept her plates. Again, he never came over here. 

“Sophia?” He called out again when he had set two plates each with food on them. “I got us dinner.” When there was no response Jake decided to head back to where he could hear noise. When he got back to her bedroom he could hear the shower running. The bathroom door was closed and there was no way that he was going to go in there. Every other pair of matches in the country would've barged right in, but not the two of them. 

He knocked on the door once and waited for a reply. The shower water turned off and he could hear her pulling back the curtain. “You gonna come in here or what?” She shouted back laughing. 

“Uh no.” Jake said. “Did you want me to?” 

“Jake?” She asked sounding surprised. “What are you doing here?” she sounded scared and in the back of his mind he knew exactly why.

“Charles said that we needed to be spending more time together, so I brought us over take out food.” Jake said. Through the door he could hear her moving things around, until the door opened and the two of them were standing face to face. Far too close for comfort. She was only wearing a bathrobe and her hair was still wet. She looked around the room, her eyes clearly looking for something. He knew that she was actually looking for someone. 

“Okay.” Sophia said after a second, her eyes still looking everywhere but his. “I’ll be out in a second.” She said before she turned around and went back into the bathroom closing the door in his face. If he was a different person, he would tear her room apart until he found whatever it was that he was looking for. But the truth is, he really couldn’t give a shit if there was someone else. 

So he made his way back into kitchen and sat down at the table. He had just begun to eat when he noticed the flowers sitting in the middle of her table. Flowers that he did not buy for her. There was a little note sitting by the vase which he picked up and carefully opened it. “Miss you so much xoxo.” The card was signed with the name Thomas Johnson. He folded the card back up and put it in the vase as soon as Sophia came out into the kitchen. “Thanks for getting food.” She said as she sat down across from him. He took note of the panic that spread across her face for a split second as she saw the flowers. 

“No problem.” Jake said and then two sat in silence. Until Jake finally found the nerve to bring it up. “Who was here before I showed up?” He asked calmly.

“What?” She asked her voice rising an ocative. A common sign of lying. “No one was here.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not an idiot.” Jake said. “You know that I am literally a detective. I pick up on things and someone was definitely here. Plus I found this little note.”He said grabbing the note out of the flower vase. 

She grabbed it out of his hand as fast as she could her checks growing movie red. “What difference does it make to you?” She snarled at him. “You cheated first.” 

“Yeah I did.” Jake adimited. “And when you found out you stormed over there and demanded that she break up with me.” Jake yelled losing his temper slightly. 

“Yeah and did you listen? No? So why would I continue to be unhappy with someone who is happy with someone else? I found someone that I like just like how you found someone you like.”

“Amy broke up with me!” Jake yelled at Sophia. “I am not with her because you scared her when you threatened to have us killed. I am not pissed that you’re cheating on me. Honestly I couldn’t give a damn. I am pissed because you ruined my relationship and then decided to start your own. Do you know how hypocritical that is?”

“None of this would’ve happened if you would’ve just stayed in the first place. You never loved me.” Sophia yelled standing up from the table, making Jake do the same thing. 

“And you never loved me.” Jake countered. “No one in this country really loves anyone.” Jake said as he made his way to the door grabbing his jacket. “Do whatever you want, I really don’t care anymore.”

\-----------

A couple of nights later Jake laid in his bed watching Amy on his computer screen. Her eyes were slowly starting to flutter closed and the swore that it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. The way she was trying to keep them open made his heart flutter. “Can I ask you something?” He asked his voice sounding way too loud in the quiet of his room.

Amy opened her eyes fully blinking several times. “Of course.” She said waiting for him to continue.

“Do you regret it? Do you regret us?” 

“What?” Amy asked. “How could I possibly regret it? How could you even ask me that?” Amy asked her eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. “You know what? Scratch that. I do regret it. I regret that I won’t ever be able to say that you’re mine, that I know what I’m missing out on, that I know that she won’t ever realize how lucky she is.” 

Jake smiled at her through the camera. She looked far less tired than she had two seconds ago. “I love you.” He said. “In a completely platonic way.”

“Sure you do.” Amy said sarcastically while yawning. “But it’s fine cause I also love you. But I seriously need to go the sleep like right now.”

“Okay sorry, I’ll let you go to sleep. Night.”

“Goodnight.” 

\---------

Amy sat on Teddy’s bed watching him pack his clothes into a suitcase. She had to admit there was something to admire about the way that he was carefully folding them. “I’m sorry that I have to leave for a whole month right after we got engaged.” Teddy said as he folded another shirt. “But it’s a great program, and I’m super excited to get to teach those kids. It’s going to be so much different than teaching American students English.”

“It’s okay.” Amy said casually but then quickly adding. “I mean I’m going to miss you for sure, but we can call and what not.”

“Yeah of course.” Teddy said as he zipped up his suitcase before checking his watch. “Should probably get going, my plane leaves in six hours.” Amy smiled slightly. She understood why the two of them got matched together. They were beyond perfect on paper, and a computer would think that they were a perfect match. But a computer couldn’t feel emotions like people. A computer didn’t understand love. Maybe no one did anymore. 

“Okay.” She said standing up off his bed. She followed him to the door and out of his apartment as she waited for him to lock the door. The two of them made their way downstairs and onto the crowded streets of New York. Teddy flagged down a taxi and turned to Amy as it pulled up on the side of the street. 

“I’m going to miss you.” He said leaning down and pressing a kiss against her lips. Somehow it felt like cheating. Which was ironic because really she had cheated on Teddy with Jake.

“Me too.” She lied and Teddy smiled. Amy watched as he climbed into the backseat of the cab before the taxi left her standing there alone on the sidewalk. One month. She smiled, she would have one month where she wouldn’t have to pretend to be in love with him all day. 

\--------

Jake stood at Amy’s apartment door hesitating to knock. She had invited him over, but he hadn’t been over since they had broken up. Eventually he worked up the courage to knock at the door and was greeted by her less than two seconds after. “Hey.” She said. “Come on in.” He walked into her apartment and watched as she made her way back to her kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?” He asked neatly hanging his jaket up with all of her other coats so that he wouldn't it get yelled at later. 

“Making dinner.” Amy hummed “Craft mac and cheese, an Amy Santiago specialty.” He rolled his eyes slightly and tried not to laugh at her as she stared intently at the water waiting for it to boil. 

“Where’s Teddy?” Jake asked noticing that she still wasn’t wearing an engagement ring. 

“He had to go out of town for like a month. He’s teaching English to these kids in France maybe? I can’t remember what country, just the fact that he didn’t invite me.” Amy said still staring at the pot. “Not that I would want to go” She quickly added looking up to meet Jake’s eyes.

“Oh so you’re match didn’t invite you to go halfway across the world with them and you’re complaining. I see how it is, first world problems Ames.” Jake joked.

“Oh yeah cause you and Sophia have so many problems? The girl seems to be head over heels in love with you.” Amy said with a teasing in her voice before adding. “I can see why.”

“Me and Sophia have problems.” Jake said defensively as if it was a competition of who had the most problems. “For starters she is not head over heels in love with me, it’s all just an act. When we’re alone we hardly ever talk about anything real. Plus there’s the fact that I’m madly in love with another girl and she’s sleeping with another guy.”

“She’s sleeping with another guy?” Amy shouted as the water started to boil. She grabbed the noodles out of the cabinet and dumped into the water. “I’m sorry Jake. That really sucks."

Jake burst out laughing to that earning a questionable look from Amy. “Why are you sorry?” He asked in between laughs. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I didn’t love her, I didn’t want to be with her, she can do whatever she wants.” There was a silence before he added. “It’s not like we didn’t do it first.” 

Amy looked down at her pot as if there was something that she had to concentrate on. “I know.” She said after a minute when her timer had started to go off. She emptied the noodles into a strainer before putting them back into the pot. “Believe me, I know.” She added as she grabbed the cheese from the box and squeezed it into the mac and cheese. Jake watched as she tried to stir the cheese in before giving it up. “I can never get the cheese stored in all the way.” 

“Do you want help?” Jake asked as he got up from where he was seated. She nodded once as he came to stand behind her. He put his hand on top of hers and helped her stir all the cheese in until all the noodles were yellow in color. 

“Thanks.” She said and all of a sudden Jake realized how close the two of them were standing. When she turned around he could tell that she was thinking the same thing. Before he even had time to think he was leaning down and she was standing on her tiptoes. 

Her hands came to rest around his neck and his found their rightful place on her waist. She kissed him like she had all those months ago in the bookstore and he kissed her for all the times that they had missed. Soon he was picking her up off the ground and setting her on the kitchen counter never losing contact. He was terrified that if he let go off her she may disappear forever again. 

She began unbuttoning his flannel shirt as he slipped his hands under hers to feel her bare skin. She broke away from the kiss for a second leaving each of them panting. Jake could’ve whined at the loss of contact, but he refused to sound desperate. Even though that’s exactly what he was. “Bedroom?” She asked her eyes two shades darker than they were ten minutes go.

Jake didn’t say anything back just picked her up off the counter and carried her into her bedroom where he threw her down on the bed. As he crawled on top of her she wrapped her arms around and his shoulders and whispered “I don’t want to ever lose you again.” and just like that the entire world felt right again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if Sophia cheating seems out of the blue I'm sorry, I tried to foreshadow it in the last chapter with Amy showing up and her not caring. But at least now they're back together :)


	14. I've Never Fallen From Quite This High

**Two Weeks Later**

“Have a good day!” Amy shouted as the customer walked out of the bookstore. She heard the bell announcing another customer and looked up with a large smile when she saw Jake walk in. 

“Hey.” he said walking up to the counter. 

“I’m sorry are you buying a book?” She asked with a playful smile.

“No. I’m here to.” He trailed off for a second glancing around the store to make sure that there wasn't anyone else in there. “Ask the bookstore owner out on a date. Well I guess it’s not really out more like over to your apartment for take out.”

“Are you inviting yourself over to my apartment. Wow Jake manners.” Amy said smiling at him. 

“Also I got you this.” Jake said setting down a cup of coffee and a bagel. 

“Thanks.” Amy said wiping her hand on her forehead to make sure that she wasn't sweating. All morning she had been burning up and even now she felt like her entire body was on fire. 

“You okay?” Jake asked.

“Yeah.” Amy said. “I’m just not feeling too well. It’s probably that stupid meat supreme pizza you made me eat last night. Pizza should not come at room temperature.”

“For the last time it’s display temperature.” Jake said trying to defend his point but his words were lost on Amy as she felt her stomach began to turn. 

Quickly she ran to the restroom and emptied her stomach into the toilet. She heard the bathroom door open again and then felt Jake’s presence behind her for a second. The sound of running water filled the bathroom before he placed a damp paper towel on the back of her neck. Jake sat down next to her on the floor and pulled her hair back with one hand. His other hand rubbed small circles on her back while repeating over and over again that she was okay.

“Do you really think it’s the pizza?” Jake asked her. “Cause if you do I swear that I won’t ever make you go back there.”

Amy opened her mouth to try and respond but was just met with more vomit. Jake continued to rub her back which somehow did make things feel better. “Do you want anything?” He asked. “I can run up to the pharmacy and get something that you would use for an upset stomach. I don’t know what it would be but I can look.”

Amy just shook her head afraid to speak. Her stomach was starting to feel better and better by the minute. “I want you to stay.” Amy said leaning back away from the toilet slightly. “I can go in a few minutes and look, I’m actually feeling much better.”

“I can go the pharmacy Ames.” Jake protested as Amy flushed the toilet and tried to stand up. Her legs were far more shaky than she expected and Jake had to grab her to keep her steady. The room was spinning slightly around her and she had to grip onto Jake’s arm to keep upright. 

The two walked back out into the store where Amy sat back down behind the counter. “I don’t think that I need anything.” She said. “Now that I’m sitting down I really feel fine.” The dizziness and the urge to vomit had gone away completely.

“Are you serious?” Jake asked sounding slightly annoyed. “You just don’t want me to go to the pharmacy.”

“If you want to go then by all means go I’m not going to stop you. But I feel fine I think that it was just an upset stomach. Probably from the pizza.” she added. 

“You’re only saying that so you don’t have to go back.” Jake said.

“No seriously I feel fine so whatever it was, it’s out my system.”

“Okay.” Jake said. “I have to leave, I’m already late. Text me what you want me to bring over. And if you get sick again text me and I will come over. I’ll make up some fake emergency that’s going on in your building. Maybe your neighbor was murdered last night.”

“Hey! Don’t joke around about Ms.Drew dying.” Amy shouted at him as he walked out of the building with only a quick wave.

\---------

Later that day, Amy walked up and down the aisles of the drug store looking for anything that may help her. She was already holding a box of Benadryl and Dramamine to try and stop the nausea. Now she was just looking for something to help the upset stomach. 

When Jake left she was feeling better but then the second she got up to do restocking she got sick again. When she tried to eat lunch she couldn’t even get it all down without throwing up again. At this point she needed something to make her feel better so Jake wouldn't worry about her when he came over for dinner tonight. 

She continued to walk up and down each aisle not finding anything that she thought was going to work. Eventually she ran out of aisles in the pharmacy section and was standing in the feminine product aisle. Looking at all the boxes of tampons caused a thought to pop in her head that she immediately tried to ignore. There was no way. But then the more she thought about, she couldn’t remember the last time she had opened the cabinet under her sink. No, that can’t be. They were careful. 

She pulled her phone out of her bag and opened her calendar until she found where she had marked the last cycle. Her heart rate doubled in speed and she began to feel really hot again. There were several different kinds of pregnancy test sitting on the shelf. She compared all of them before picking three of them. There was no way that she was pregnant. It was just the stupid meat supreme pizza. But she would still rather be sure.

Amy made her way to the cash register and put her stuff down on the counter. “Hi!” The girl who looked barley above sixteen said to her. “Do you have a CVS courtesy card?”

“Yeah. It’s under Amy Santiago.” Amy said as she reached into her purse pulling out her wallet. 

“Oh!” The girl exclaimed. “Are you Mr.Wells match? I had him for English freshman year, he was so much fun.”

Amy couldn’t imagine a world where learning English with him was fun, but that was sweet this girl thought so. “Yeah he is.” Amy said as she scanned all of her items.

“You guys must be so excited.” She said when she scanned the pregnancy tests. “I can’t wait to get matched and then married and have kids.” 

“Yeah we are.” Amy said even though she was freaking out to the point where she could barely even hear what the girl was saying over her own thoughts. 

Amy gave her the credit card and waited for a receipt before walking out of the store with her bag. “Tell Mr.Wells I said hi!” The girl shouted as Amy walked out. 

“I will.” Amy shouted back. Did the girl tell her her name? Amy walked back to her apartment feeling self conscious about the bag. What if someone connected the two dates, that Teddy had been out of the town for almost a whole month and now she was buying pregnancy tests. 

At home she ripped open the box of the first one and made her way to the bathroom chugging a water bottle as she did. She took each test and lined them all up on the bathroom counter. The timer on her phone counting down five minutes. 

A million different thoughts were going through her head, all way too fast. There was the picture perfect family that Jake had described over the phone. The one she so desperately wanted. But then there was the version where someone found out and they were both dead. Their baby would be adopted out, and what if the family wasn't great, what if it was a bad home?

Her phone buzzed in her hand and the sound of the chimes filled the small bathroom. Amy flipped over the first stick. Positive. It could be a false positive, but did she want it to be a false positive? Before she could dwell on her thoughts for too much longer she flipped over the second one. Positive. Then she quickly flipped over the third one knowing exactly what it was going to say and sure enough there were two lines. 

She sat on her toilet seat completely in shock staring at the three positive pregnancy tests in front of her. What was Jake going to say when he finds out. Is he going to be pissed? Before she even realized it the tears were streaming down her face. She covered her face with her hands and tried to convince herself that everything was going to be okay. In a different world she would’ve been elated right now and maybe she is to a degree, but there is still this feeling of doom that’s hanging over her. There were so many logistics that she had to work out now, so many things that we’re going to drastically change. Deep down she knew what she had to do.

\--------

Jake knocked on her door exactly when he said he would. She opened it for him and he came in setting the take out bags down on her table. He made his way into the kitchen where he grabbed two plates out of her cabinet. She stood motionless by the front door and watched as he put both of their food on plates. He grabbed an orange soda for him and a bottle of water for her out of the fridge before sitting down at the table. “You gonna eat or are you gonna stand there and gawk for a little more?” Jake asked looking at her with concerned eyes.

She made her way over to the table sitting down across from him. The smell of the food was making her want to vomit again. “You okay?” He asked with a mouth full of fried rice. He studied her face for a second before adding “Have you been crying? I swear to God Amy if you got even more sick and didn't call me.”

“I’m fine” Amy said. “I mean I’m not but it’s due to a whole nother issue.” Jake tilted her head at her with confusion waiting for her to continue but she didn’t even know how.

“What’s up?” he finally asked. “I mean whatever it is I’m sure that we can figure it out. If it’s about Teddy coming back in another week or so I would prefer not to talk about that. I just think that we need to make the most with what time we do have.”

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out. She watched him visibly swallow and set his fork down at the table. At the given moment she would’ve done anything to be able to read his mind. 

“Okay.” He said taking a deep breathe. “I assume that it’s...it’s mine.” His sentence was a statement but it came out like a question. Amy nodded her head once looking anywhere but him. The tears brimming her eyes were starting to sting. “Hey hey hey.” Jake said getting up from the table and walking over to her. He pulled her up out of her chair and into a big hug. “It’s okay. It’s okay babe.” Hearing him call her babe made her cry even harder. “We have options, lots of them. Let’s just sit down and talk.” He said letting go slightly and looking at her. She nodded and the two of them made their way to the living room where they sat down on the couch together. 

“Are you mad?” Amy asked. She adjusted herself so that she was curled up into him on the couch. He smelt like home and it made the whole thing seem better.

“What?” Jake asked confused running a hand through her hair. “I’m not mad Ames. Not even close to mad.”

“But now there’s going to be proof of our affair.” Amy said. 

“I’m not worried about it.” he said. “We have options.” 

“I’ve already made up my mind.” Amy whispered so low that Jake didn't hear. 

“You could say that it’s Teddys.” Jake said. “Marry Teddy and then pretend that it’s his baby. We would have to break this off but I figured that we we’re going to as soon as he got back.”

“Jake.” Amy tried to interject a little bit louder but he just continued to spiral over her. 

“I mean it would suck to not be like a real part of my kid’s life but I think that it’s the best option. I guess I wouldn't have to do any of the discipline, I could be the fun uncle. The one that he has no idea is his actual father. As long as they never do a paternity test we should be good.”

“Jake!” Amy said loud enough that he stopped talking all together. “I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Oh.” Jake said a look of concern crossing his eyes. “I guess that’s an option too, and I’ll stand by you a hundred percent if that’s what you want-”

Amy cut him off before he could go any further “If the offer still stands I want to run away with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be posted on Friday as of right now :)


	15. How Could Anything Bad Ever Happen To You

Jake stared at her with a look of disbelief. Everything was happening so fast and now she was asking him to runaway with her. The very thing that he had spent so many nights dreaming about. “Jake?” Amy asked after a minute or two where he hadn’t said anything. 

“Yes.” Jake said. “Yes of course I run away with you. Are you kidding me?” Jake said getting up off the couch and pulling her with him into a soul crushing hug. Amy laughed into his ear and for the first time in so long he knew everything was going to be okay.

“We should leave as soon as possible. We need to pack our things and get out. It will be easier when Teddy’s not here.” Jake nodded once. Amy started pacing back and forth coming up with a plan. “We only bring the essentials. Limited clothes, a pillow, blanket.”

“Food.” Jake added into her list that was starting to grow.

“Yes food. Good.” Amy said. “We’re going to be living out our car for however long it takes us to get somewhere. Which means that we should probably take my suv. It’ll hold up better plus there's more room.”

“Okay I’m just going to ignore the fact that you straight up insulted my mustang.” 

“Jake focus! We don’t have much time.” Amy moved out of the living room and into the kitchen. “Is there anything that you would need from your house? You have some jeans and sweatshirts here. The faster we get out the better.” 

“I’m going to run home and grab just a couple of things. My pillow and a blanket of my own. And then I’ll probably grab just a few things of clothes.”

“Okay just hurry back.” Amy said. She was already starting to stack food on the counter that would be easier to eat without any sort of oven or microwave. 

\---------

Jake threw a couple of items of clothes into a bag in a hurry. What he threw in his bag definitely wasn’t going to match at all but he could always buy new clothes wherever they ended up being. He made his way around his apartment grabbing valuables that he may want. 

There wasn’t too much to grab as he didn’t really have anything that was of great importance to him. The only thing in his life that he really cared about was packing up food at her house. And now she was carrying his child. The thought still made his heart swell. His own kid. 

He grabbed a couple of last little things before heading towards the doorway. It was weird to think that this is the last time he will ever be in this apartment. In a short twenty four hours nothing would be the same. Before he had time to dwell on it, he left his apartment, backpack on his shoulder pillow in his hand.

\--------

Jake put his stuff in her car as she had texted him to do that way it would look less suspicious. When he got back to her apartment it looked far differently then it had a mere two hours ago. “There you are.” she said when he walked in. “I took pretty much all of the food, I have like two cases of water already in the car. So I think that all I need is my pillow and then I’m ready to go.”

“Okay.” Jake said glancing around her apartment that was torn to shreds. He was shocked that she was going to leave it like this, it seemed so unlike her. She came back from her bedroom holding a pillow and a blanket a backpack also over her shoulder. “I’m going to head down to the car now.” She said. “You should come down in a minute or two. I think that if we both walk out of here together looking like this someone’s going to notice and get suspicious.”

Jake nodded. “Totally agree.” 

“Okay.” Amy said leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “I’ll see you down there. Don’t wait to long.” 

Jake sat down on her couch and pulled out his phone setting a timer for ten minutes. It was longer than was probably necessary but he would rather be safe than sorry. Especially now that it’s not just the two of them. His phone in his head began to vibrate and he looked down to see Amy’s picture. “Hey.” He answered into the phone. “Do you want me to come down already?”

“No.” Amy said and didn’t say anything else back. The timer on his phone showed that he had already been sitting there for five minutes. “Just wanted to be on the phone.” She said after a minute.

“Wow you miss me that much.” Jake said in a teasing mocking tone even though he knew he would’ve done the same thing.

“Shut up.” Amy said “I’m ready to go, but I think that you should give it another two or so minutes.”

“Yeah.” Jake agreed but as soon as he did he heard it. The sound of keys being turned in the door lock. “Shit.” He swore into the phone standing up from the couch. “Shit shit shit.”

“What?” Amy asked sounding concerned. 

“There’s someone here!” Jake said into the phone as he looked around her apartment for anywhere to go. The doorknob began to turn as Jake bolted across the apartment and into her bedroom. The bathroom door was left ajar so he hid out in there closing the door behind him. 

“Amy!” Teddy’s voice shouted. “I decided to come-” He stopped mid sentence Jake imagined that it was from taking in the mess that was her apartment. “Amy?” He shouted again this time with more concern in his voice. 

“Who is it?” Amy asked into the phone. Jake was silent for a minute trying to tell where Teddy was. He pulled the phone away from his ear and drafted a new text to Amy. “Teddy.” 

“No.” Amy said back into the phone. “Jake you have to get out of there.” Jake listened as the footsteps moved across the apartment slowly getting louder and louder. 

“Amy what’s going on?” Teddy called. “Are you moving or something?” He was now in the bedroom as Jake could hear the footsteps right outside the door. He found himself holding his breath and he knew that Amy was too. “Amy?” Teddy asked standing closer to the bathroom door. Jake’s entire body filled with fear. Then he heard the footsteps start to walk away and he took a deep breath. But then he heard the deafening sound of his alarm on his phone ringing. He tired to turn it off but it was too late. The footsteps were heading straight back towards the sound. 

“Jake what’s going on?” Amy screamed into her phone begging God to let this be some kind of bad dream. “Jake!” Amy shouted when she didn’t get an answer.

The bathroom door swung open leaving Jake standing face to face with an angry looking Teddy. “What’s going on?” He screamed at Jake. “Where’s Amy.”

“Amy you have to leave.” Jake said into his phone as Teddy grabbed onto his wrist. “You have to get out of here. Just drive west get as far away as you can.”

“No Jake. I’m not going to leave you.” Amy said and the panic in her voice made him want to cry. 

“You have to Ames. Please. Just go.” Jake said as Teddy grabbed the phone out of his hand. Still holding his wrists Teddy dragged Jake out of the apartment and down towards the parking garage. Jake found himself holding his breath praying that she left and wasn’t on her way up here right now. 

\--------

“No Jake. I’m not going to leave you.” Amy screamed into her phone turning off the car engine and opening the door. 

“You have to Ames. Please. Just go.” Jake said sounding more desperate than she had ever heard him sound before. Then the phone call cut out and he was gone. She put both her feet down on the ground and was about to get out of the car when she looked down at her stomach. Two weeks. That’s how old their baby was right now. As she looked down at her stomach she remembered the thoughts that ran through her head when she was sitting on the toilet unsure whether there even was a baby. What kind of life was their child going to have if he or she didn’t even have one parent. 

Amy shut her eyes for a second trying to not sob uncontrollably before she put her feet back into the car and closed the door. The hum of the engine starting filled the parking garage. She put it into drive and left the garage. She would be lying if she said she didn’t watch her rearview mirror the whole time while leaving. 

Outside of the parking garage the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight, her car said the outside temperature was seventy. It was finally starting to feel like spring. Spring had always been her favorite season. As a kid she liked watching the trees come back to life, watching the flowers begin to bloom. Everything was getting a second chance almost. It died before but it would get to live again. She wasn’t so sure her and Jake were going to get to live again. 

There was traffic everywhere she looked which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It was easier to blend in if there were more cars on the road. Still she needed to make it to the highway. If she could just get out of New York then she should be okay for a little bit. Eventually she got to the ramp for i 80 west. She didn’t know where it went but at least it was heading west. 

As she merged onto the highway she looked over her shoulder to check her blind spot and saw all of his things sitting in her backseat. The pillow that he swore he couldn’t sleep without and his bag that looked like he just randomly threw clothes in. It struck a chord in her heart and suddenly she was sobbing her eyes out as she drove down the interstate, one hand on the wheel the other on her non existent baby bump.

\--------

“Damn it!” Teddy exclaimed when he got down to the parking garage and saw that Amy’s car was gone. Jake smiled to himself glad that she went ahead and left. “Alright let’s go.” Teddy said dragging Jake over to his car. Jake would’ve struggled but truth be told there was no point. He didn’t have a car and he wasn’t going to get very far on foot. Teddy shoved him into the backseat of his car the same way Jake shoved perps into the back seat of the police car. Jake laughed silently to himself as he realized that he was now considered a ‘criminal.’

Teddy got in the car letting out an exaggerated sigh as he did. He started the engine before making a phone call. “Hi. It’s Teddy Wells, Amy’s match.” He said into his phone. “I think that we have a bit of a situation.” Teddy was silent for a moment before continuing to speak. “Yeah I think that she’s trying to run away. I have Jake Peralta in my backseat right now, what do you want me to do with him?” Teddy asked before going silent listening to who Jake assumed was Amy’s father. “Okay will do. Thanks.” Teddy said before hanging up the phone and putting the car in drive. 

The ride to wherever they were going was dead silent. Eventually they pulled up to a nondescript building. Teddy got out of the car before going and getting Jake holding onto his wrist even tighter than before. 

The lobby of the building looked like a doctor’s office lobby and despite how sure of his decision he was, Jake felt his stomach begin to turn. Teddy walked up to the counter Jake in tow. “Jake Peralta.” Teddy said to the older women. She nodded her head once typing a couple of things into a computer. Then someone came into the room and took Jake from Teddy. They cuffed his hands behind his back and Jake couldn’t help the shivers that ran up his spine from the metal digging into his skin. 

The man walked Jake through a corridor that was lined with rooms. Everything was white and sterile, making him want to throw up. It reminded him of a pysch ward from horror movies. Through the tiny glass on the doors Jake could see people sitting on the other side of the door. Some were seated in chairs staring straight ahead others were pacing back and forth. Eventually they stopped and the man unlock a door before uncuffing Jake’s hands and pushing him back inside. They closed the door behind him and locked it back. 

Jake sank down and sat on the ground his back against the door he could barely make out what Teddy and the man were saying but he could definitely hear the name Victor repeated over and over again. 

He stayed there on the floor for what felt like hours although he had no way of knowing. There was no clock anywhere in this room and Teddy had taken his phone. All he could think about was Amy and where she was. He hoped that she was safe, that she would take care of herself. He hated that he couldn’t be there for her and his kid, but life isn’t fair. That’s all there is too it. 

He imagines Amy sitting alone with their daughter in that Cabin in Montana. Every year on Christmas morning she would play Die Hard for Isabel and tell her how it was her father’s favorite movie even if it wasn’t appropriate for kids. He hoped that Amy would paint him as a good guy, someone who fought for what they wanted. Maybe he or she would learn to stand up for what they believe in even if it means dying because of him. 

He was cut off from his thought spiral as the door was shoved open forcing him to move out of the way. He expected to see Victor but was instead greeted by Charles. “Why did you cheat on her?” Charles asked. 

“I didn’t love her.” Jake said matter of factly. “I wanted to chose. I wanted to decide who I was going to fall in love with.” Charles shut the door behind him and made his way over to desk chair where he sat down. Jake stayed on the floor knees pulled up to his chest. 

“You don’t get to decide who you are going to be with.” Charles said and there was almost a sadness to his voice. “Not anymore.”

“Give me one good reason why not.” Jake countered. “People always throw out the whole thing about divorce and infidelity, but that should still be my choice. If I want to love Amy then I’m going to love Amy and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me.”

Charles was silent and Jake watched him waiting for him to come up with something to counter but he never did. “You need to save her Charles.” Jake said. He knew it was a long shot but it was worth a chance. “I know that you don’t really know us, and I know that I’m asking you to stick your neck out, but I love her. I love her with all of my heart and she can not die. She’s pregnant.”

Charles was quiet again but Jake could tell that he was really turning his words around in his head. ”I was once in love too.” Charles said after a moment. “Like really in love. Her name was Genevieve. I loved her with all of my heart.”

“What happened?” Jake asked hesitantly. 

“It was when they were setting up the whole system. They told us all that we would have to be re matched, they we’re going to seperate us. We had a son, Nikolaj, and we decided that it was better if she just left. For him. We thought that it would be hard on him to see his parents separated and with someone else.”

Jake nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry.” he said unsure of anything else to say. “Do you know where she ended up?” 

“No.” Charles said. “I would rather not know.” Jake nodded sadly. “I can’t do anything for you.” Charles said looking up to meet Jake’s eyes. “But I’ll see what I can do for her. They haven’t found her yet if that’s anything for you.” Jake smiled and prayed that she was far away from here. 

\---------

Amy drove through the hilly landscapes of Pennsylvania in the fast lane. The world passed by so fast when she was speeding 90 miles down the interstate. It was getting dark and she had no idea how far until she reached the Ohio border. Her phone died a long time ago so now she was just driving in silence.

Her eyes were starting to burn, mainly from crying, but also from sleep deprivation. She couldn't stop, not yet. She wasn’t far enough. Stopping and sleeping in the car was dangerous without someone to keep watch. What if a police officer saw the car in a parking lot and recognized the car?

All she could think about was Jake. She hoped that he wasn’t scared. It hurt her heart when she thought about it too much. Him sitting alone in a prison cell with no one. She loved him so much, more than she ever thought was possible. Occasionally her mind would wander to the baby that was going to grow up without a dad. A really awesome dad, because there wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that Jake would be the best dad in the world. He didn’t deserve to die. 

He didn't deserve to die.

That was the thought that brought Amy back to reality. She was running away. From her problems, her promises, from him. This wasn’t right. She quickly got over to the slow lane and got off on the next exit before merging back onto the highway heading east. She wasn’t going to let him die. At least not alone.

Once back in New York she drove to the building where she knew that they kept the people who were waiting for their sentence. When she parked the car she reached around in the backseat and grabbed Jake’s pillow. She then walked into the building holding her head as high as she could. She was proud to be walking in there, as weird as that sounds. She chose Jake, she chose to love Jake, and no one was going to tell her otherwise. 

When she walked into the lobby everyone in the room froze as she strolled up to the desk. She rang the bell obnoxiously as if the woman didn’t already know that she was here. “Amy Santiago. I’m here to turn myself in. I hear that I’m pretty wanted.” The woman started up at her with eyes of disbelief before typing something into her computer. The door next to her swung open and Ross came strolling out with handcuffs in his hand. 

“I never thought that I would have to put these on you. You were such a sweet little girl, one who always wanted to follow rules.”

“Love hath changed me.” Amy said holding her wrists out in front of her holding onto the pillow with her upper arms. Ross then walked her back through a long corridor. She looked through each glass window hoping to spot Jake to at least know that he’s still alive.

“He’s still alive.” Ross said as if he could read her mind. “They were hoping that you would show up before they scheduled his trial. And it would appear that they got their way.”

“I always liked it when lovers went down together. Very Romeo and Juliet esque.” Amy said as Ross stopped by a door. He undid her handcuffs and let her walk into the room. 

“I think that your father is going to want to have a conversation with you.” Ross said as he closed the door behind him. Amy sat down and waited for her dad. When the door opened this time she was surprised to see Charles Boyle walk into the room.

“Hi.” Charles said and there was almost this sense of sadness to his voice. “I can’t stay for very long, I have somewhere else to be. I just wanted to stop by-.”

“Is Jake here?” Amy interrupted him. “Is he okay. Please tell me he’s okay.”

“He’s okay.” Charles confirmed. “He’s just a couple of rooms down.”

“Can I see him? Please I want to see him. Five minutes I promise.”

“I’m not allowed to let you see him until the day of the trial.” Charles said. “I should go, your father is about to be here.” Charles said as he started walking towards the door. 

“Wait!” Amy shouted just as he was about to close the door back leaving her locked in the room. “Can you give him this. Please. He can’t sleep without it.” Amy said holding out the bright red pillow. 

Charles looked at it for a second before turning his back and looking down the hall. “Take the pillow case off.” Charles said in a whisper. Amy quickly took the pillow case off and stuffed it under her bed before handing Charles the pillow. She watched as he locked the door back and continued down the hall pillow in hand.

Amy sat down on her bed and waited for her dad. True to his word, the door was being unlocked minutes later and her dad was strolling in. He slammed the door shut behind him. “What the hell do you think that you’re doing?” He shouted at the top of his lungs. “You had a perfectly nice boy but then you went and fucked it up.”

“I didn’t fuck anything up.” Amy snarled at him. “Your computer is the one that messed up. Yeah that’s right, you're algorithm isn’t perfect. I didn’t love Teddy and I never would’ve. But I loved Jake.”

“He tricked you.” Her dad said. “You were excited to be matched your whole life and then he showed up and started messing with your head and you weren’t smart enough to see that.”

“Jake wasn’t messing with my head.” Amy said. “You just can’t stand the fact that your system didn’t even work for your own flesh and blood. How many other people do you think are out there completely unhappy with their matches. I love Jake. I love him with all of my heart.”

“I don’t care if you love him or not. He was not yours to love.”

“Sophia didn’t love him and Teddy didn’t love me. He may think that he did but he didn’t. He had no idea what real love was like. And I’m starting to think that you don’t either. I don’t think that you know what it’s like to feel your heart swell at the mention of someone else. To feel like the entire world just got a little bit brighter just because they are in the room. I don’t think you’ve ever experienced that. Cause you can’t, not when a computer is deciding who you are supposed to love. I’ll die for Jake. I’ll do it without a second of regret. He’s the one dad. He’s the one who’s always going to have my heart.”

“I hope that you’re ready to eat those words because your trial is set for tomorrow morning.” Her dad said before storming out of the room slamming the door shut behind him. Amy sat back down on the bed and pulled her knees to her chest allowing herself to son as loud as she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So once again this was way longer than I thought it would be, but hopefully it was still good :) Also for the sake of this fic Charles would probably be much older than Jake then he is in the show.


	16. Wide Awake In This Violent City

Jake sat at his bed staring at the door patiently waiting for Victor to come in here. When the door opened Jake stood up on his feet although it’s not like he was going to be able to defend himself. Instead of Victor walking into the door, it was Charles again carrying a pillow. “This is yours, I am supposed to drop it off to you.”

Jake looked at him confused. “I already have a pillow.” He said gesturing over to the one sitting on his bed. 

“I know.” Charles said. “I’m going to take that one.” Charles said handing Jake the pillow. The second it was in Jake’s hands he realized why it was of significance. This was his pillow. It was missing the pillow case, but it was still his. His heart rate began to race as he remembered putting it in Amy’s backseat. “She’s okay. If that’s what you're worried about.” Charles said. “They didn't’ hurt her or anything. She’s okay.”

“She’s not okay.” Jake said holding the pillow tight to his chest the way a kid would hold their stuffed teddy bear. “If she is in this building then she’s not okay.”

Charles walked to the door and was just about to leave when he turned around. “She came back for you.” He said with a bit of hesitation. “When she walked in here, she held her head up high. When she told them that she was hear to turn herself in, there wasn’t the slightest bit of doubt in her voice. She came back for you.” Charles said again.

“Can I see her?” Jake asked although he knew that the answer was going to be no.

“Tomorrow morning before the trail.” Charles said before walking out of the room and locking the door behind him.

Jake laid down in the bed that was too small and laid his head on his pillow. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight. Not when he knew that her and his baby were just down the hall. So close yet so far. 

\--------

The next morning Jake walked into the courtroom trying to hold his head high just as Charles had said Amy had. He had been in court so many times, but never had he been the one on the trial. 

He sat down next to his lawyer and waited for Amy. He was wearing a nice suit although there was really no point. They were going be to be found guilty anyways. Cheating on a match wasn’t tried the same as other crimes. 

When the door opened and Amy walked in, Jake couldn’t help but bolt out of his seat and run towards her. He wrapped his arms around her and she returned the gesture burying her face into his neck. “Why did you come back?” He whispered into her hair trying to take in everything about this moment terrified it would be the last. 

“The whole time I was driving I was imagining this life without you, and then I realized that I don’t want to live without you. If I have to die to be with you then I’ll put a bullet in my own head.” Amy said as someone came over and pulled the two of them off each other. They made their way to their seats sitting right next to each other. 

Underneath the table Jake locked his fingers with Amy’s and gave an affectionate squeeze. “All stand for the honourable Judge Taylor.” Was called into the room and everyone in the room stood as the judge walked out and took his seat. “You may have a seat he said. We are gathered here today to decide the fate of Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta who have been accused of cheating on their matches with each other.” The court room was silent as everyone listened to the judges words. Jake and Amy both started straight ahead neither one of them afraid. 

“Jake Peralta?” The judge called and Jake stood up from where he was seated dropping Amy’s hand. Amy couldn’t help but miss the feeling of his thumb caressing the back of her hand. “How do you plead?” 

“Guilty.” Jake said without a hesitation of doubt. “On all charges.” The courtroom erupted into whispers. There was a sob from the back of the room that Amy assumed was his mom. Her family was there too, and she was sure that they expected her to deny all charges.

“Amy Santiago?” the judge called towards her. Amy turned around real quick and unfortunately made eye contact with her father. He was shooting daggers at her and she knew exactly what he wanted her to say. “How do you plead?”

“Guilty on all charges. Plus one because I love him.” The courtroom was silent as people tried to take in what Amy had just said. Even Jake stared up at her with a gaze of admiration which was greatly misplaced for the time. 

“I love her too.” Jake said from where he was seated. “Add it to my charge.”

“Miss Santiago.” The judge started. “Is it possible that you don’t really love Mr.Peralta? Maybe he persuaded you into making a decision that you regret now? I’ve seen it alot, a boy promises a girl something but she ends up getting some entirely different.”

“I was not tricked by Jake.” Amy said angrily. “I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. He did not trick me or manipulate me into feeling the way I do.” She sat back down and Jake took her hand in his again. 

“I love you so much.” He whispered into her ear.

“I love you more.” Amy said with the slightest bit of a smile. Everything about this felt strange. She shouldn’t be smiling, she shouldn’t feel happy right now. She’s about to get sentenced to a public execution but yet she’s smiling. 

The judge cleared his throat and taped his gavel. “Silence.” He shouted trying to bring order back to the court. “Is there anything that I need to know in order to create your sentence?”

Amy stood up this time with legs a little more shakily. “I am currently twoish weeks pregnant.” she said and once again there were gasps in the crowd. She sat back down and took Jake’s hand although all she wanted was a hug. 

The judge nodded once. “Peralta.” The judge said and Jake stood up although he didn’t drop her hand this time. “I sentence you to public execution tomorrow morning.” Amy heard his mother cry from the back of the room. “And Amy.” She stood up to meet him. “I sentence you to public execution after the child is born. Is there someone you have in mind on who will take the child?” He asked. 

Amy looked back over her shoulder at all the people in the court. There were all of her brothers and their matches, her parents, Jake’s mom. Her and Jake hadn’t talked about it and she had no idea what to say until her eyes locked with a crying Gina who had her rested on Rosa’s shoulder. Gina nodded slightly as if she knew what Amy was asking. “Gina Linetti and Rosa Diez.” Amy said and Jake nodded once at her giving her the conformation that she needed. 

“Okay.” Judge Taylor said. Two guards came over from the side and handcuffed Jake and Amy’s hands behind their back. “Court dismissed.” he said as the two of them were lead back to their rooms. Jake for one last night and Amy for the next nine more months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!!!! Like I said, this story is angst on crack.


	17. Habits Of My Heart

Jake woke up early the next morning, although he didn’t exactly sleep, to the sound of Charles knocking on his door before coming in. “Hi.” Charles said sadly. “I’m just here to inform you on the events of today. First you will get to meet with Sophia for a final goodbye. You can have whatever you want for lunch and then we will take you to uh...you know.” Charles said looking down at the ground. “The meeting with Sophia is in ten minutes and then there's only an hour after that. But we do it like an hour away from here.”

“Okay.” Jake said getting out of bed and putting on the clothes from a few days ago. He followed Charles down the hallways looking in every door praying to see Amy in one. But at last they made it to what appeared to be a cafeteria. Sophia was sitting alone at a table. Jake sat down across from her. “Hi.” she said as if she was afraid. 

“Hi.” Jake said back not knowing what else to say. 

“I am so sorry.” She said and her voice sounded like she was on the edge of crying. “I feel like the biggest bitch on the planet. I know that I’m not the one who turned you in, but now you’re dying for something that I did too and it just doesn't seem fair.”

“It’s fine.” Jake said smiling slightly hoping that she wouldn’t start crying cause he really didn't know how to deal with it. He was the one that was supposed to be crying not her. 

“No it’s not fine.” She said. “You shouldn’t have to die for choosing to not be with me.” Jake nodded in agreement. “We would’ve been miserable if we got married and you shouldn’t have to die to be happy with someone.”

Just then Charles came up and stood by the side of the table. “It’s almost time to go.”

“I’m really sorry that I was kind of a bitch.” Sophia said.

“Well I’m really sorry that I was kind of a dick.” Jake said in return.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Sophia said as the two of them stood up from the table. “I don’t really know how to end this.” she said awkwardly.

“It’s okay. We can just say goodbye.”

“Okay well then bye.”

“Bye.” Jake said as he followed Charles back down the same hall. As he walked he once again looked in tiny windows. Only this time he spotted her sitting in her bed staring at the wall. Jake stopped dead in his tracks by the door. Charles tried to usher him forward but Jake refused to move. “Please let me go in there. Please.” Jake begged looking over at Charles and back at Amy through the tiny glass.

“I’m not allowed. You’re not allowed to see her.”

“Charles please.” Jake said looking at the man “I just want to say goodbye. Please.” His voice cracked slightly as he watched Amy in the room. Then she turned to look out the window and their eyes meet. She was instantly on her feet and standing on the other side of the window.

“Jake!” She said putting her hand on the glass. Jake heard Charles sigh before he moved and unlocked the door quickly letting Jake and himself in the room. The second that Jake was in the room his arms were around Amy holding her as close to him as possible. “I missed you.” She whispered.

“I missed you too.” He said back taking in a breath of her hair. It didn’t smell like the apple shampoo he was used to. It smelt like cheap shampoo, the kind you buy when you forget yours at home on vacation. He would know, he’s used to buying those. 

"I don’t want to live without you.” She said repeating her words from yesterday.

“Me neither.” Jake said. “I love you so so much Ames. I know that this whole thing has been a little crazy but if I could go back knowing what I know now I still wouldn’t change a single thing.”

“I would.” Amy said and he pulled a way a look of concern and sadness in his eyes that made her want to cry. “I would’ve ran away with you a long time ago. The first time you asked me. I would’ve dated in you highschool instead of simplifying throwing out the possibility of you being good boyfriend material. There are so many things that I would’ve done differently, but you are not one of them.”

When she looked back up at him she could see the silent tears streaming down his face and it wasn’t until she saw his that she realized she too was crying. “You’re my dream girl.” He whispered as someone knocked on the door. 

Charles grabbed Jake and pulled him away from Amy just as Amy’s dad walked into the door. “What is he doing in here?” Victor yelled at Charles.

“When we walked past and he saw her he ran towards the door. There was nothing I could do about it. Somebody left the door unlocked.” Charles said. “But we’re leaving now.” 

“I love you.” Jake said as him and Charles started to walk out the door. 

“I love you too.” Amy shouted back, her heart breaking as she realized that was the last time she would see him. Those would be the last words she ever said to him. She tried to remember exactly how it felt when he hugged her, exactly how he smelt and the sound of his heart beating.

Because it wouldn't be beating in a couple of hours.

When the door latched behind the two of them her dad turned to face her. “What the hell do you think you’re doing declaring your love for that boy in court like that?” He yelled at her. 

“I’m being honest just like you and mom taught me to do.” Amy said back. “I love him dad and I’m more than willing to die for him.”

“I thought that I raised you better than that. I thought that your mother and I made it clear to you that you were to love your match. All the boys seem to have gotten it. So why couldn't you?” 

“I was standing up for what I believe in. I didn’t love Teddy.” Amy said to her father. “I can’t help that I didn’t love him but I didn’t. I love Jake and yes I know things would’ve been so much easier if I loved Teddy, but I didn’t and I wouldn’t change a single thing.” Amy watched the anger in her fathers veins show up on his face before he stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.

\-------

“It’s time to go.” Charles said to Jake as he escorted him out of his room. This time they went outside instead of through the long corridor. The sun was beaming brightly in the sky as he got into a van that would take him to his death. Charles shut the door behind him leaving him alone in the back. 

He heard the sound of the driver door opening and shutting and then the start of the engine. As the car began to move Jake imagined Amy alone still in the building. He made the right choice, he was one hundred percent sure of it, but it still wasn’t easy to leave her behind. He loved her so much. 

They had been moving for a little while when Charles opened the window that separated the back from the front of the van. “We’re almost there.” Charles said. Jake tried to tell where they were, but there were no windows in the back and it was hard to see out of the front.

“Okay.” Jake said. “Hey listen. I want to say thank you for letting me see her. I know that was asking a lot and could’ve gotten you in major trouble, but I appreciate getting to see goodbye.”

“Of course.” Charles said before closing the window again leaving Jake in the back of the van alone with nothing but his thoughts. 

\--------

Amy is sitting on her bed staring at walls when Charles walks in. There’s nothing else to do in this room and if she’s stuck here for nine months she’s definitely going to lose her mind. “Jake is dead.” Charles said making Amy jerk her head so fast she was probably going to have whiplash.

She knew that this was going to happen but it still felt like a stab to the heart to actually hear the words. Her throat began to close as the tears ran down her face. She would never get to see him again. “And uh.” Charles continued. “Judge Taylor changed your sentence. Since you are only two weeks pregnant, they decided to just go ahead continue with your execution today as well.” 

She should’ve been upset to hear that she was going to die today but it felt almost like a relief. She wouldn’t have to live without Jake for nine months, only a couple of more hours max. “But.” Amy protested the rational side of brain taking over. She put her hands over her stomach. “That’s still a human even if it’s only two weeks old.”

“Technically it’s only an embryo so they’ve decided to just go ahead and go through today. We leave right now.” Amy stayed seated on her bed still not believing the words that she was hearing. “Like right now.” Charles said again with a sense of urgency as he ushered her to get up.

She did as she was told standing up and following him outside into the world. The sky was dark with no stars in sight. She remembered that night that Jake took her out to the stars. The night that she really realized that she was in love with him. Charles opened the van doors so she climbed in and waited for him to shut them. 

They had been moving for a while and Amy’s hysterical crying was only growing worse. She kept her hand on her stomach the entire time feeling like a terrible mother. She couldn’t even save her own baby. 

The van came to a stop and her heart was in her throat. She wasn’t afraid to die, but it wasn’t only her dying right now and that made everything a thousand times worse. As the driver door opened and closed she tried to remember how to breath. Soon the van doors were opening revealing a large field seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Charles offered her a hand as she stepped out of the van.

The wind whipped around her and she brought her hands up around herself trying to stay warm. “Where are we?” She asked looking around. This didn’t exactly look like a very public execution. Then she saw the suv that was parked on the other side of the field. “I don’t understand.” She said as the driver door of the other suv opened.

Before she even had time to think she saw him running full force at her and when she realized what was happening she too took off running in his direction. They met at the middle him grabbing her and lifting her up into the air. She laughed slightly as he spun her around in a circle before putting her on the ground. 

She looked into his dark brown eyes and knew that everything was going to be okay. He was here. He was alive. “Charles.” Amy said turning to the small man. “I don’t understand.”

“You two love each other.” He said. “I used to have that and I know how it feels to lose that. No one should have go through that. I can’t help you after this, but that suv is mine and marked as government so it shouldn’t be stopped. Just get as far west as you can.”

“Charles.” Jake said. “I can not explain to you how much this means to us.” Amy nodded in agreement starting to cry again. Probably the stupid baby hormones. 

“Anything for love.” Charles said as he turned back to the van getting into the driver's seat. He then reversed and left the two of them standing in the middle of the field. 

“I can’t believe that you’re alive.” Amy said wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Me neither.” Jake said leaning down to kiss her. He kissed her like they had all the time in the world because for the time being it looked like they did. Finally something went right in his life. “We should leave though. Try to get a head start. I’ll drive.”

Amy followed him hand in hand to the suv where he opened up her door for her. Soon they were driving down the highway, going exactly the speed limit as to to not be pulled over, singing along to Taylor Swift. Jake kept glancing over at Amy almost as if he was afraid that she would disappear at any moment. Where as she kept glancing over at him wondering how the hell she got so lucky.

“Montana?” He asked.

“Montana.” She confirmed.


	18. All This And Heaven Too

They had to stop every once in a while at a rest area to go to the restroom. Luckily there was no one watching at rest areas. Getting gas and food was another story, Charles had left a couple of hats in the backseat that they were able to put on. Amy made fun of Jake for the way he looked when pumping gas but he made fun of her for how she looked when they had to run into walmart to get essentials. Somewhere in Illinois they stocked up on enough food to get them through the rest of the trip. If there GPS was right, it was going to take about thirty five hours. They were going two thousand miles away from home after all. Bu home wasn't New York City anymore. Home was wherever he was. 

They would take turns sleeping while the other was driving. Amy found it really hard to concentrate on driving when Jake was sleeping. He looked so cute and peaceful with his face buried into his new pillow. Occasionally he would murmur her name and she swore that her heart would stop. She wondered if he had trouble when she was sleeping. 

Sure leaving her family wasn’t great, but now she had a chance to start a new family. Her, Jake and baby. When Charles told her they weren’t going to let their baby live Amy swore that the entire world was collapsing in on her. But now he she was driving far away with Jake in the passenger seat and their baby completely fine. 

“Jake” She said hitting him slightly trying to get him to wake up. “Jake wake up.” She watched as he blinked his eyes a couple of times before looking over at her.

“What?” He asked in the sleep deprived voice rubbing sleep out of his eyes. 

“It’s your turn to drive.”

“Okay.” He said as he got out of the car. The two switched places fast in the rest area parking lot. The faster they were in and out of the car the better, less time to be spotted or recognized. At this point officials in New York were probably looking high and low for them. “Where are we?” Jake asked as he mergred back onto the highway. It was dark and hard to see anything out of the window other than stars and open fields.

“North Dakota.” Amy said “Passed a sign a couple of hours ago.”

“If we’re in North Dakota that means we should be too far from the Montana line right?”

“Yeah just have to get through Dakota.” Amy replied. Jake glanced over at her once and couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across his face. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing.” Jake replied. “Just thinking about how lucky we are.” 

Amy shared his smile reaching across and taking his hand in hers giving an affectionate squeeze. “I’ve never been more happy in my entire life.”

“I don’t know. The first time I saw Die Hard may top this feeling.”

“Shut up.” Amy said looking out the window trying to conceal the fact that her smile grew wider and she was trying not to laugh. A couple of hours later they were passing a sign for the Montana state line. “We made it.” She said to him.

“We sure did.” Jake said. “Now we just have to find someplace to live. I think that we should go north, closer towards Canada. Obviously we can’t go into Canada, I’m sure that our passports have been red flagged at this point.”

“True true very true.” Jake aged as they continued to drive north hoping to find somewhere along the way that they could stop for good. Eventually they found a town right on the Canadian border where they decided to stop. It was a quaint place that didn’t look like it would be anything, but yet the streets were lined with people who were walking hand in hand in hand. 

“This looks nice.” Amy remarked as they drove down the main street before Jake parked the car. 

“Should we find something to eat?” 

“Yes. I’m starving.” The two got out of the car and joined the other couples walking hand in hand down the street. They found a restaurant that was busy enough that it had to be good.

“Hi!” the hostess shouted when they walked in. The two of them made their way up to her before she looked up a shocked look on her face. “You guys must be new.” She said with a huge smile. “Welcome to Bitterroot Montana.”

“Thanks.” Amy said smiling. “How um did you know that we are new though?”

“It’s a pretty small town, we know everyone. When someone new shows up it’s pretty hard to slip under the radar. Plus it’s always obvious because you can tell how relieved people are to finally be here.”

Jake glanced over at Amy almost suspiciously. “What?” 

The girl smiled warmly. “A lot of people are confused. This town doesn't technically exist. It’s not marked on any maps, you can’t find it on the internet. Legit no one knows it’s here. Except people who are lucky enough to get away. Everyone living here chose to be here with someone. My parents ran away almost twenty years ago they were from New York City. Where are you guys from?”

“New York City actually.” Amy said trying to take in everything. Was she dreaming? How was this even possible.

“Oh no way! Maybe you know my parents, Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner?”

Jake stared at her in disbelief. “You’re parents are Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner? They’re freaking legends.” 

“Yeah.” The girl said as she looked back down at the hostess stand with a frown before shouting. “Does anyone here have a problem with this couple getting a table first?” She shouted at all the people waiting. “They just got here from New York City.” Applause filled the room and several people in the back whooped. “Looks like I can seat you right now. Follow me.”

Jake and Amy followed her further into the restaurant while she continued to talk. “Everyone here is basically part of a resistance. My parents lead the whole thing, they’re trying to make it so everybody has a chance to chose. It’s a great thing and they work really hard on it. Dad, Kevin, is actually a professor at the university he teaches a class on freedom of choice. While Raymond leads the police force. Not that there’s much crime around here, everybody is just so happy to be here. Here’s your table.” She said as she sat down the menus.

“Thank you.” They both said as they sat down across from each other in the booth. As the girl walked away Amy turned to her “I’m sorry I didn’t get your name.”

“Rachel.” She said with a smile as she made her way back to the hostess stand. 

“This is crazy right?” Jake asked her his eyes lighting up. “We could meet Holt and Cozner!” 

“I know!” Amy said. “How did we never know about this place. It’s like a freaking oasis up here.” She looked around at all the happy couples and still couldn’t believe that she got to be one of them. “Still can’t believe that we made it.”

“I know.” He said reaching across the table and taking her hands. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

\-------

**2 months later.**

“Hey.” Jake said as he walked into the large auditorium that was full of kids less than ten minutes ago. “Are you free right now. I’ve got a surprise for you.” Amy set down the papers that she was supposed to be grading and looked up at Jake.

“I guess. I have another class in like an hour but until then yeah.”

“Great.” Jake said as he grabbed her by the hand and led her off of the university into their car. Well Charles's car, but they had pretty much taken it up as their own.

“What kind of surprise is this?” Amy asked skeptical. “Good surprise or bad surprise?”

“I don’t know. I’m hoping good surprise.” Jake said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a blindfold. “But you have to put this on.”

“What?” Amy said to him. “No.” She protested taking it from his hand.

“Please Ames?” He asked using his puppy dog eyes. Reluctantly she put it over her eyes making everything black. 

“Promise you’ll drive like a sane person.” She said “I’ll get really car sick if you don’t thanks to your stupid baby.”

“I promise.” Jake said as he began to drive. Ten minutes later Amy felt the car come to a stop and heard him get out of the car before her door opened. “Alright.” Jake said taking her hand and helping her out of the car. 

They walked for a little bit hand in hand. The October air was cold and Amy was slightly dreading a Montana winter. But she knew it was still better than being in New York without him. Jake then stopped he took the blindfold off her head but held his hands over her eyes. She was about to ask him what he was doing when she realized he was trying to shield her eyes from the light. When he lifted his hand she realized she was standing at the base of a mountain. “What is this?” She asked after taking a second to appreciate the view. They were higher up off the ground then she realized and down below she could see a river. 

“Do you like it?” He asked and he was definitely afraid she could hear it in his voice. 

“What’d you do Jake?” 

“I kind of bought it.” He paused trying to read her face that was completely blank. “I know that we were looking at houses and whatever, but nothing was quite right. And then I saw an ad for this land and knew that I couldn’t let it go. We can build our own perfect house. Get everything we want.” Jake looked at her again but she was silent. “I shouldn’t have bought it without asking you I know. But I wanted it-”

“I love it.” Amy said cutting him off. “It’s perfect.” 

“Thank God.” Jake said sighing a breath of relief. “But that’s not the only surprise I have for you.”

“What?” Amy asked as she watched him get down on one knee in front of her. 

“Surprise.” He said as he opened a ring box. Amy stared down at him in complete awe. “I’m not great at romantic speeches but I’m going to try.” 

“That’s okay.” Amy said wiping a tear off her check. 

“You’re my best friend. Have been ever since freshman year biology even if I was never going to say it outloud back then. I think that every day that I’ve spent with you since you walked into the class you stole a little piece of my heart. I didn’t realize you were doing it until you had my entire heart in the palm of your hand. To be honest I don’t even think you knew you were doing it. I spent so long thinking that I would never get to be yours or you would never get to be mine. So everyday that I wake up here next to you I am already thankful for something. This Thanksgiving is going to be a breeze for me. I know that it wasn’t easy to leave everything behind, but yet you did. And I can not tell you how I grateful I am that you did. I love you with all of my heart which as I said before is completely yours. So Amy Santiago will you marry me?”

“Yes. I will marry you.” Amy said with a huge smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Jake stood up from where he was on the ground and slipped the finger onto her finger before leaning down and kissing her with everything he had in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter which is really just an epilogue :)


	19. Your Love Is Scaring Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full warning, this chapter does end in a mild cliffhanger that may or may not ever be answered. As of right now I plan to write a sequel but we'll see if it actually happens.

**Ten Years Later**

“Amy.” Jake whispered as she stirred in her sleep snuggling up closer to him. “Ames we have to get up.”

“What time is it?” She asked still half asleep her arm flung across Jake’s torso.

“Seven am.” Jake said as he pulled her closer to him. It was a bad decision, now they were never going to get up. “We have to make the kid’s lunch.” 

Amy groaned as she buried her face into his shoulder. The sun creeping in through the blinds was way to bright. Especially when it was reflected on snow. “Why did we ever decide to have kids?”

“Well our first one was an accident remember? A miracle accident. And then the other two were because we loved the first one-”

“Jake I know why we have kids.” Amy said way too tired to indulge in this conversation. She moved herself so that she was laying on top of him. “Did you take the next three days off?” 

“Yes. Because you texted me twenty times and then texted Holt to make sure that I had. So yes I got them off.” 

“We all know I texted you at least fifty times.” Amy said as she leaned down to kiss him. His hands found her waist and held her close to him as he kissed her back morning breath in all. After a few minutes he flipped them so that he was lying on top of her. “We don’t have time for this.” Amy said as he kissed down her neck. “Plus the kids are going to be up any second now.”

“What do you think locks are for?” Jake asked just as their bedroom door opened.

There was a shrieking sound from a seven year old and then the sound of feet running across the hardwood floor. “Mommy and Daddy are kissing.”

“And moment over.” Jake said as he crawled off of Amy. Amy got out of bed and made her way into the kitchen. 

“Charlie!” She shouted at her son who was sitting in front of the tv. “What did I tell you? No video games before breakfast or school.”

“But mom.” Her ten year old whined. “Jacksons score is better than mine and he keeps bragging about it at school.”

“Then beat his score and show him who's boss.” Jake chimed in as he looked through the cabinets for the pancake mix.

“Not the route we’re going to take.” Amy said to Jake before turning back to Charlie. “I’m sure that you’ll have plenty of time to beat his score during Thanksgiving break.” 

Charlie huffed before making his way back to the table and sitting down next to his brother. “Isiah is doing homework that he was supposed to do last night.”

“Am not!” Isiah shouted at his brother. “This is extra credit and it’s not due for another four weeks. Unlike you I don’t leave things for the last minute. I’m in the second grade not first grade anymore.”

“Wow look at you such a big kid.” Charlie teased. 

“Charlie.” Jake said sternly. “Be nice to your brother.”

Amy left the kitchen momentarily and called up the stairs to their daughter. “Izzy!” She shouted. “Pancakes are almost done.”

“Okay.” The five year old shouted back before running down the stairs almost too fast. It made Amy nervous watching the way her little legs wobbled down each step.

“Why don’t you go get a seat next to your brothers.” The little girl nodded racing into the kitchen.

“There’s my little girl.” Amy could hear Jake say when Isabel made it into the room. Amy smiled as her giggle floated down the hallway. 

“I can’t wait for tomorrow.” Isaiah said. “Thanksgiving break is the best.”

“I’m going to play xbox the whole time.”

“No you’re not.” Jake said as he brought a big plate of pancakes over to the table. “You’re going to spend some quality time with your family because that’s what this holiday is all about.” Charlie sighed as he reached for a pancake. 

Isaiah grabbed one and folded it up taking a big bite out of it “Can I get a bowl for syrup?” He asked with a mouth full of food.

“No.” Amy said "but you can pour it on your pancake and eat it with a fork like a civilized person.”

“This is how dad eats them.” Isaiah argued glancing over at his father who was mid chew with a pancake in his hand.

“Just because that’s how dad eats them doesn't mean that’s how you should.”

“But I want to be just like dad.” Isaiah said as he took another bite out his pancake very reminiscent of the way a lion chews apart it’s prey. Amy looked at Jake and waited for him to jump in but all he did was reach across the table and high five his son. Amy rolled her eyes and tried not to smile, but that wasn’t exactly easy. 

She looked down at her watch and was filled with the slight bit of panic in her chest. “I have to go, I’m going to be late.” She said standing up and quickly putting her dish in the dishwasher. Jake stood up from the table and walked to the door with her. 

“One more day and then you get a break.” He said with a smile. 

“I know. Not that I really need a break I mean I love teaching these kids about how important it is to stand up for what they believe in. You going to be able to get them all to school?” She asked 

“Amy. I think I can manage to get our kids to school. It’s not rocket science.”

“Make sure that Isabel matches this time. I don’t want to pick her up and have a teacher tell me that she loved the ‘effort’ my husband put into dressing her.”

“I’ll just stick with neutral colors. And if I have any doubt I will text you a picture.”

“Okay.” Amy said as stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips. “Love you.” She said. 

“Love you too.” He said as she walked out of the house closing the door behind her. 

\--------

“This town wouldn’t exist without people making a choice to break the rules.” Amy said to a class of college freshman. “None of this would. You and I wouldn’t know each other. I would be living in New York married to someone I didn't love. I wouldn't have three beautiful children. Most of you if not all of you wouldn’t exist.” Amy said pausing and looking down at her watch realizing there were only a couple of minutes left. 

“The point is, that it’s important to stand up for what you believe in. And if you can’t stand up for everyone else at least stand up for yourself. When I left New York I never would’ve thought that I would be leading a resistance but here I am. If something isn’t right, do something about it. Don’t just sit back and let it happen.” She looked down at her watch again, there were five minutes left. “Alright I’ll let you guys go early. Have a great thanksgiving.” 

Student’s quickly shuffled out of the auditorium some coming down to say thanks or how much they liked the lecture while others came down to complain about a grade on a paper. “Amy.” One student said and Amy looked up shocked to hear a kid call her by her first name. 

She glanced up and felt her breath hitch in her throat. “Sammy?” She asked sounding spooked as if she had seen a ghost. 

“Yeah it’s me. It’s been a while.” Sammy said back awkwardly swaying back and forth. “Things were pretty rough for a while once you left. Dad was pissed, mom was upset. It wasn’t a good time.” 

Amy stared at him completely shocked to see the boy she knew as an eleven year old standing in front of her all grown up. “How’d you find me?” She said almost in a whisper terrified that maybe others were on the way.

“By pure luck.” Her brother said and she sighed a breath of relief. “Mom and Dad have no idea that I’m here. They don’t know where I am.”

“Why?” She asked. “What happened.”

“I fell in love.” Sammy said. “Her name was Mia. Is Mia.” He corrected himself. “She’s not dead yet, but she’s going to be.” Amy stared at him not sure what to say luckily Sammy continued. “I want you to save her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments I can not express how much that has meant to me :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated :)


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